The Shebeen Club: A History in Press Releases

So here, to give some background, are the press releases announcing each of our Shebeenmonthly Shebeen Club events.

What it is: a group for practicing literati, whether or not they are making money at it: agents, editors, publishers, spoken word performers, starving students, and even writers!

We do a lot of talking, a wee bit of learning, and a great deal of boasting. Drinking has also been known to play a part in our evenings.

What it is not: a hand-holding support group featuring aromatherapy-enhanced, tearful rounds of "Kumbyah," an open mic night (I've suffered at the hands of too many bad live performances), a boring old lecture series, or a critique group. I always say, they don't pay to publish me; they pay to edit me. Wouldn't mind being in a critique group, but it would get too expensive for the others.

The Procedure: Every month we have a new speaker do a brief presentation on some aspect of the literary. It's been everything from licensing your characters to a guided group reading of James Joyce set to the accompaniment of a conch shell horn. As is only right and traditional…um, right? Anyway, after the speaker stops talking (about a half-hour after they start, unless they've had quite a snootful) we all hang out and jabber about what we're doing now, what we want to be doing, how little we got paid for what we DID do, etc etc. White Rock may soon get a Writer's Festival, and the seed was planted at the Shebeen Club, last fall.

When I get the chance, I send out a roundup of community announcements and literary job listings to those who have actually attended, who automatically become members in our listserv; yes, you have to show up to get the joblistings. These will become more regular as I get back to jobhunting myself now.

I'm the only one who pays attention to the dress code, don't worry. I don't get to wear that bustle skirt nearly often enough!

Sean Heather makes sure we have a light dinner and alcoholic beverage included in the admission price, and keyed to the night's theme. An example was Joyce's favorite wine and sandwich on Bloom's Eve, of course. If you want more, you can always order off the Irish Heather menu or the Shebeen House whisk(e)y list, featuring something like 160 different kinds of hooch.

So, here, in reverse order, are the Shebeen Club Press Releases, once and for all. Archivists one day will thank me. Aw c'mon, sure they will. You may note that our pre-announced speakers don't necessarily synch up with our actual speakers; shift happens.

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For immediate release: post/forward at will! T Paul sez hi!

Who: The Shebeen Club presents Vancouver Spoken Word Performers 

What: Thundering Fundraiser for T Paul Ste. Marie!  

When: 7-10 pm Tuesday, June 20th, 2006 (3rd Tuesday ea month)    

Meet & Mingle 7-7:30

Listen & Learn 7:30-8

Poetry Slam Dancing and other Tipsy Cultural Mashups 8-10 

Where: The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall

Why: Because Vancouver’s proudly homegrown talentT Paul shows off his pompadour regularly beats the best in the world. Because that talent grew in an environment pioneered by T Paul, founder of Thundering Word Heard. And because T Paul recently suffered a brain aneurysm and needs a helping hand rent-wise, there being little in the way of pensions and sick leave for Entrepreneurs of the Word, Spoken or Otherwise. 

How (much)? $15 before June 16th, $20 thereafter, includes dinner

All profits for the evening will be donated to the T Paul fund.

Instead of our usual door prizes, we will do a T Paul 50/50 draw

Reservations and media inquiries: lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom

New Format: Our new, lower admission price includes your choice of bangers and mash or vegetarian pasta, plus a glass of beer or wine. 

Background: Our New Shebeen Club Blog 

Bio: Our Spoken Word presenters are TBA and TK, but I guarantee you they will kick posterior to a TKO. As for our honoree, let’s go to the interview with Pandora’s Collective here: http://www.pandorascollective.com/inttpaul.html

T Paul says he started Thundering Word Heard with the idea that he wanted to create a place where both music and spoken word could come together and be given a place that was their own. And he has done just that. After three years the room is still full every Sunday night even on a long weekend. It takes a lot of time, commitment and a big heart to keep putting on something like this every single week. But it has paid off. Thundering Word continues to be a great success and T Paul’s reputation as a host and organizer continues to grow as well.

   “ I have my hands in a million and one things that all seem to have the center in that hub Thundering Word Heard.”

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For immediate release: post/forward at will!

Who: The Shebeen Club, Vancouver's monthly literary gathering

What: Edgar Allan Poe's 170th Wedding Anniversary! No gifts please.

When: 7-9pm Tuesday, May 16th, 2006 (3rd Tuesday ea month)

Where: The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall

Why:  To honour the master of horrors, on this, the day of his ultimate horror. Although I'm sure the bride could say the same.

How (much)? $20 before May 12th, $25 thereafter; reservations and media inquiries: lorraine DOT murphy AT gmail DOT com.

Admission includes a Poe-tastic dinner/drink combo specially selected for appropriate thrills, plus door prizes embodying the grandeur of fallen gentility, a Poe-themed presentation, and a horribly good time!

Dress: Anything antique, anything Goth, anything shabby-genteel. Bonus prize for anyone who turns up with an actual raven, dead or alive.

Background: https://raincoaster.wordpress.com/2006/03/18/the-shebeen-club-a-history-in-press-releases/ ie right here!

Come with us, our clothes all tatty, we're Vancouver's literati,

Writing many a quaint and curious volume of best-selling(?) lore,

As we celebrate Poe's wedding, you can join us; they're both deading,

As they both croaked long ago, long ago, in days of yore.

"Bride and Groom, long dead," Sean mutters, "long ago, in days of yore; Missed the party, ever more."

And two ravens, never flitting, still are sitting, still are sitting

On the old Blood Alley railings just beyond the Shebeen's door;

And their eyes have all the seeming of some ghostlings that are dreaming.

And the streetlamp o'er them streaming shows their shadows on the floor;

And the Shebeen Club, under their gaze that steals in from outdoors Shall be uplifted—evermore!

Meet & Mingle 7-7:30 Listen & Learn 7:30-8 Whispered tales of undying madness and horror, like the mortifying time you confused August Derleth with Lord Dunsany 8-whenever Berenice comes for us.

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For immediate release: post/forward at will!

Who: The Shebeen Club presents Jeremy Hainsworth, crime reporter extraordinaire

What: My Life in Crime!

When: 7-9pm Tuesday, April 18th, 2006 (3rd Tuesday ea month)

Where: The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall

Why: Voyeurism runs deep, baby! Find out what it really takes to do this job. It's not all fedoras and dive bars.

How (much)? $20 if you reserve before April 14th, $25 thereafter; email lorraine dot murphy at gmail dot com to reserve.

Includes a criminally good set light dinner and drink combo!

Putting the "laughter" in "manslaughter." With patented black humour, Jeremy will lead us down the dark and twisted alleys of a crime reporter's life. From paperwork to prison visits, we'll become one with the sordid underbelly of Vancouver. It's Blood Alley, so we're halfway there!

Jeremy will also be discussing (and bringing a copy of) the publication ban on the Pickton trial.

Dress: Clark Kent, Lois Lane, or Raymond Chandler. Ann Rule doesn't know how to dress!

Bio: Jeremy Hainsworth is one of a handful of journalists writing for the international media from Vancouver. As B.C correspondent for the AP, he has had the dubious honour of covering the ongoing hearings of alleged serial killer Robert Pickton and the Air India terrorism case. He has freelanced for Reuters, was senior crime reporter for The Calgary Herald, senior editor of Sterling News Service (his office was below that of Conrad Black's partner David Radler), and managing editor of the Dawson Creek daily paper where he covered his first murder from seeing the body to the release of the convicted youths. He has a diploma in journalism from Langara and a BA from UBC. His work has appeared in many of the world's major newspapers on every continent except Antarctica where penguins cannot read.

Meet & Mingle 7-7:30

Listen & Learn 7:30-8

Wistful reminiscences of hookers with hearts of gold 8-9 

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raincoaster media ltd presents:   The Shebeen Club: Tax Tips for Literary Professionals

When: 7-9pm, Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Where: the Shebeen, behind nope, nevermind; this time we're in the Reading Room, upstairs at the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall Street, Vancouver BC

How: reserve by emailing lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom

How Much: $20 to March 17th, thereafter $25 space-available; limited to 40

What: Mingling, presentations, and a special literary-themed light dinner & drink combo: maybe Po' boys?

Who: Why not you? Our presenter this month is author and tax specialist Sylvia Lim.

For more info or media passes contact : Lorraine @ raincoaster media 

This month the Shebeen Club welcomes two-time author and tax specialist Sylvia Lim for an educational presentation on tax tips to help practicing writers, editors and publishers get ready for T-Day.

Can you deduct the laptop? Maybe. The Editor's Association Membership? Probably. The blonde wig and sunglasses? Sorry, JT.  

Potted bio: Sylvia Lim, CFP, CGA, is the author of two books – the "Personal Budgeting Kit " (2nd edition, 2005), a step by step guide to methodically organize one's day to day finances; and "Finances After 55", a retirement and eldercare planning guide to help people live a full and successful retired life. You can reach Sylvia through her website: www.SylviaLim.com

Famous dead celebrities celebrating birthdays today include Charlotte Bronte , poet Phyllis McGinley, and Canada's own immortal Madame Benoit , so the dress code is accountant, repressed petticoat feminist, emo librarian, or crazy Quebecois chef . Chacun à son gout!  

Meet and Mingle 7-7:30

Listen and Learn 7:30-8

Frantic receipt-hunting and drunk-dialing your agent  8-9  

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What: The Shebeen Club: Vancouver's Literary Gathering: The Science and Fiction of Financing Your Publishing Project

When:                  7-9pm, Tuesday, February 21

Where:                 The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall

How(much)?       $20 cash includes space-tastic set menu!

Why:                    Learn about this "Money" thing. Science, fiction, art?

The Science and Fiction of Financing your Publishing Project   with Sandford Tuey, author of The Morphine Chronicles, screenwriter of Galactic Gladiators, comic book empresario, Robert Ludlum boardgame designer, and force of nature.Learn from the unstoppable Sandford Tuey how to plan ahead for success, overcome obstacles, and keep a businesslike focus while still remaining true to your literary vision. From IPOs to business plans, venture capital road shows to cafe poetry slams, Sandford has been there, done that, and somehow made money at it. I wonder what that's like?

$20 cash covers the presentation as well as one Pangalactic Gargleblaster, plus cosmic In-Flight Tray of munchies. Can't beat that with a lightsaber!

Tuesday, February 21st @ the Shebeen behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall Street, Vancouver  

Meet and Mingle 7-7:30

Listen and Learn 7:30-8

Boozy Spock impressions and origami phaser construction 8-whenever they beam us up. 

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The Shebeen Club: Vancouver's Literary Gathering: A Very Bronte Birthday

When:                  7-9pm, Tuesday, January 17

Where:                 The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall Street

How(much)?       $20 before January 13th, $25 thereafter

Why:                    Because it's been months since we celebrated a dead celebrity!

Our Story: We're the Shebeen Club, Vancouver's monthly Literary Gathering, and heirs to last year's Stammtisch. On the third Tuesday of every month we bring together BCers from every corner of the alphabet for networking, readings, launches, discussions, and serious drinking. Dorothy Parker would be so proud.

Our Names:  Lorraine Murphy and Lori Dunn . Writers. Editors. Teachers. Drinkers. So we're perfect for this.

Our Future:   Our next Literary Gathering is Tuesday January 17th from 7-9pm at the Shebeen; the theme is Anne Bronte's Birthday. We will be enjoying a traditional English meal of ham and cucumber sandwiches, washed down with sherry in true spinster fashion. We will also enjoy (?) a presentation on early petticoat feminism featuring guest appearances by Mary Wollstonecraft, George Sand, and other early feminists in addition to the birthday girl. If we finally decide who to blame for Camille Paglia, we'll let you know.

Dress poke bonnet optional, petticoats encouraged except on Luc. Includes light dinner and first drink. Full menu also available a la carte, and 100+ whiskies!

Reserve: by emailing Lorraine

7-7:30 Meet & Mingle

7:30-8 Listen and Learn

8-Whenever Gender Wars and Yorkshire Puddings at fifty paces

Coming up next month: Creative Ways to Realize Your Project, with Sandford Tuey

Coming in March, The Hero's Journey with Ginger Grant.

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The Shebeen Club: A Literati's Christmas In Gastown

When: 7pm till whenever, Tuesday, December 20th, 2005

Where: Upstairs @ the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall Street, Gastown, Vancouver BC

How: just show up and order off the menu. Easy! Or email Lorraine if you feel like it

How Much: pay for what you order. Don't forget to tip! 

What: Literary mingling, celebrating, season-keeping, festing (festivating?), and merry-making of all descriptions

Who: The usual suspects and anyone who wants to hang out and drink with Vancouver's literati

Special Instructions: Bring your friends and the name and author of your favorite holiday story. We'll be putting together a list of everyone's favorites and posting it on the website for deeply scholarly research purposes. Ho, ho, ho!

Join the Shebeen Club regulars for a brief respite from spending time with beloved family members. 

"We learn many things from our parents, as Hamlet can attest: abuse, deceit, vulgarity, condescension, hypocrisy, corruption, invasions of privacy, authoritarianism – and murderous rages." Quentin Crisp

So why hang out with them? Take a break and a drink with us. The evening will be unstructured, with no presentations. Drop in, drop out, and hang out with the Shebeeners. We'll do separate bills, and don't forget that this once, the Shebeen Club will be in the Irish Heather, upstairs where the tourists usually go. There will be a special seasonal beverage TBA, but I can promise you it won't be Hot Tom & Jerry, no matter how charming one may find it in Runyon's "Dancin' Dan's Christmas". One was once traumatized by a Hot Tom & Jerry or ten. I…uh…read it somewhere.

Bring the title of your favorite literary winterlude and its author (well okay, if he's dead just leave him there), and we'll make up a list of the Shebeener's Seasonal Favorites to pass around and show how erudite and shit we all are. Charles Dickens, Dylan Thomas, Henry VIII, Thomas Ligotti, Charles Schultz: you name it! Yes, scripts count too, but if you're going to list one of those, toss in a book or story for good measure.

Meet and Mingle       7-Whenever

Listen and Learn        ibid

 Wanton Wassailing, Sodden Carol-Singing, and Passionate Argument About the Word "Goodbyeing" ibid.

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Calvin and Hobbes

11/16-11/16: Shebeen Club: Playing the Numbers

raincoaster media ltd presents: The Shebeen Club: Letter to Ferlinghetti/Playing the Numbers A twofer!

When: 7-9pm, Wednesday, November 16th, 2005

Where: the Shebeen, 7 Gaoler’s Mews, behind the Irish Heather, Gastown, Vancouver BC

How: email lorraine.murphy@gmail.com

How Much: $20 to November 13, door $25 space-available, limited to 40

What: Literary mingling, door prizes, job listings, gastro-porn themed dinner and drink included!

Who: Lucan Charchuk, White Rock poet and artist, presents A Letter to Ferlinghetti

Who Else: Lori Dunn of the Shebeen Club presents Playing the Numbers, a gimlet-eyed look at the economics of publishing

Part the First: Shebeen Club stalwart Lucan Charchuk presents a preview of his November 23rd Co-op radio appearance: A Letter to Lawrence Ferlinghetti.

Charchuk’s work explores themes of identity, freedom and contemporary masculinity in a seemingly gender-neutral time, within the context of the New Beat tradition. Armed with a keen eye and human sensitivity, Lucan speaks with subtle satire and wit. The paintings ain't bad, neither.

Part the Second: Shebeen Club neural cortex Lori Dunn presents Playing the Numbers, a comparative analysis of the profitability of various kinds of books from the publisher’s point of view: from Gastro Porn to Literary Fiction, Textbooks to Self-publishing.

Come find out why Dave Eggers isn’t as rich as you think, why the Chicken Soup guy can buy and sell you, and where Martha really gets her money!

Meet and Mingle 7-7:30

Listen and Learn 7:30-8

Drown Sorrows and Vow to Buck the System  8-9 or, really, the rest of your life.

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raincoaster media ltd presents:   the Shebeen Club: Bookmakers Unite!  

When: 7-9pm, Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Where: the Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall Street, Vancouver BC

How: reserve by emailing lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom

How Much: $20 to October 15, thereafter $25 space-available; limited to 40

What: Literary mingling, presentations, announcements, job listings, and a special literary-themed light dinner beverage combo. Liter-a-licious!

Who: Why not you? Our presenter this month is Ann Vicente. For more info contact: Lorraine Murphy of raincoaster media ltd: lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom

Artists' Books:  Where The Medium is the Message
and the Large is Something Else Entirely

Join bookmakers of all descriptions for an introduction to the art of handmade artist's books. Prominent lecturer Ann Vicente from Emily Carr and UBC will discuss these works integrating the literary and visual arts, and show us her newest series of works, The Four Seasons. We'll also discuss the highly creative 1000 books project, raising money for the Queen Alexandra elementary school literacy fund. For those interested, a list of resources and classes will be available at the event as well as on our website.

Meet and Mingle 7-7:30

Listen and Learn 7:30-8

Drunken Origami Attempts and Fisticuffs over Thai vs French handmade paper 8-9  

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Who: The Shebeen Club (formerly Vancouver's Literary Gathering)

What: Appies, mingling and an exclusive screening of Scribes: So You Want to Be a Writer, a documentary filmed at the Surrey International Writers' Conference (www.siwc.ca).

Also, attend and get on our Literary Job Mailing List!

When: Wednesday, September 21, 7-10pm

Where: The Heritage Grill, 447 Columbia Street, one block from Columbia Skytrain Station

Why: Because it's that very special Wednesday, and you'll want to be anywhere but the Downtown EastSide!

Join us on the road for a very special presentation by Rusty Nixon, head of Antic Films (www.anticfilms.com) and former coordinator for the SIWC.

How: reserve your place by emailing lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom: $20 before September 15, $25 thereafter. Price includes an appy plate and glass of wine from the wonderworking house elves of the Heritage Grill. Cash only at the door, please; full menu is also available; veggies, please let us know in advance. Strictly limited to 40 spaces, so give it a click and save your space. We know you like your space…share it with us!

* Supercongrats to Nan Gregory, storyteller extraordinaire and winner of our Naming Contest. Thanks to Nan, we are now the Shebeen Club; Shebeeners for short. Nan's haul includes a bottle of wine from Gracious Host Events and a 90-minute stress-relief massage from TribalGlobe Massage.

This month the Artist Formerly Known as the Literary Gathering hits the pavement (or at least the Skytrain) and shares the luv with New Westminsterians of all descriptions at the funky new Heritage Grill on Columbia Street. Join all the usual suspects plus Rusty Nixon for a screening of his documentary Scribes featuring Diana Gabaldon, Jack Whyte, Terry Brooks, Michael Slade, Anne Perry and a collection of the best writing teachers, agents and writers ever to hit the Great White North. Bonus appearance by top New York literary agent and filmmaker's muse Donald Maas.

Rusty will be on hand to answer questions about the film and yours truly will be on hand in my alter ego as a Director of the SIWC to answer questions about the Conference, the largest public event in the City of Surrey.

Each year the SIWC brings together writers, publishers, agents and editors from all over the world for an intensive three-day immersion in the world of words.

Coming October 19: Artist's books and visual tomes, featuring Ann Vicente

November 16: Videopoetics

December 21: Holidays, you fool! So take some time off!

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When: 7-9pm, Wednesday, August 17th, 2005

Where: the Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall Street, Vancouver BC

How: reserve online @ https://secure.clearpro.com/literary/registration.asp

How Much: $20 to August 15, door $25 space-available; strictly limited to 40 places

What: Literary mingling, presentations, community announcements, literary job listings (if any!), light Bukowskian dinner and one Bukowskian drink (red meat and red wine?). Yankeelicious!

Who: For more information contact: Lorraine Murphy of raincoaster media ltd  lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom, 604-874-5051.

Got a little Barfly in you? Would you like some? Come out to the Downtown EastSide and experience with us the sordid wonders of Bukowski's Hangover (day after his birthday). The magic of the mackinaw; the poetry of the pilsner; the living death of the next morning… how can you resist?

Special guest, "the Norman Mailer of Vancouver, the sensitive Bukowski" Dennis E. Bolen will end a road trip from Banff by dropping by and introducing us to the wonders of his DTES novels Toy Gun, Stand in Hell, Stupid Crimes, Krekshuns, and the collection Gas Tank and Other Stories.

We'll also announce the winner of our Naming Contest ("Literary Gathering" just doesn't do it for us anymore…we've moved on). If you've got a better name for us, shoot me an email at lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom with "Contest" in the subject line and you could win a 90-minute stress relieving massage and a bottle of wine. http://www.tribalglobe.com) and Gracious Host Events (http://www.gracioushost.ca), as well as door prize sponsor BeautyMark Cosmetics.

Join Vancouver's Monthly Literary Gathering for presentations ranging from Gaius Valerius Catullus through Bukowski to Vancouver BeatPunk. Dress barfly, think Mozart and you\'re halfway there. Door prizes include a copy of the Vancouver punk classic, Hard Core Logo.

Meet and Mingle 7-7:30

Listen and Learn 7:30-8

Drunken Disagreements and Wild Accusations 8-9 or whenever you get thrown out into the street. Explain it to your editor as "an AUTHENTIC experience, man!"

Bongos and prison records optional.

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What: Vancouver's Literary Gathering: Hemingway's Birthday

When: 7-9pm, Wednesday, July 20th

Where: The Shebeen

How(much)? $20 before July 15th, $25 thereafter

Why: Not? Like you're doing something better on a Wednesday?

Our Story: We're Vancouver's monthly Literary Gathering, heirs to last year's Stammtisch. On the third Wednesday of every month we bring together BCers from every corner of the alphabet for networking, readings, launches, discussions, and serious drinking. Dorothy Parker would be SO proud. Our Names: Lorraine Murphy and Lori Dunn. Writers. Editors. Teachers. Drinkers. So we're perfect for this.

Our Future: Our next Literary Gathering is Wednesday, July 20th from 7-9pm at the Shebeen; the theme is Hemingway's Birthday. Canadian author James Sherrett will be reading Hemingway-inspired work from his new book. The event will feature Hemingway's favorite Daiquiri (no blender in sight!) and an authentically macho, game-based light dinner.

Dress safari or expat; bonus points for epaulettes. Tickets $20 to July 15th, thereafter $25. Includes light dinner and first drink. Full menu also available a la carte, and 100+ whiskies!

Reserve online: https://secure.clearpro.com/literary/registration.asp.

Both props and shout-outs to our sponsors for this month, because NOTHING is too good for these people: Beautymark Cosmetics in Yaletown, Urban Mixer www.urbanmixer.com, the Surrey International Writer's Conference www.siwc.ca, and TribalGlobe Massage www.tribalglobe.com. Q&A, 411, to get on our mailing list and more information: Lorraine Murphy Lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Bloom's Eve Celebration @ Vancouver's Monthly Literary Gathering

To commemorate Bloom's Day, the day on which James Joyce's book Ulysses takes place, Vancouver's monthly Literary Gathering will feature Joycean entertainment, presentations, food and drink. In the fine tradition of last year's Bloom's Day Marathon, selections from Joyce will be performed, and the authentically Irish setting of the Shebeen can only add to the green-tinged festivities, not to mention the green-tinged faces of the overindulgent the next morning.

Vancouver's Monthly Literary Gathering Returns!

7pm-9ish, third Wednesday of each month @ the Shebeen reservations: $20 lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom till June 10th, at the door $25

DETAILS: Heir to last year's popular Stammtisch, created by Christoph Kapp of McGraw Hill, the Vancouver gathering will revive the warm camaraderie and vicious rivalry that has characterized all great literary meetings from the days of the Algonquin Round Table to last week at Granta. The pen is mightier than the sword, so ditch the Kingdom of Heaven tix, stuff a sack with manuscripts, adjust your berets, and head down to Gastown's own Shebeen. Sink into a warm velvet banquette and enjoy our programme: your basic meet-and-mingle from 7-7:30, followed by a riveting, yet brief presentation, anything from poetry slam to State of the Modern Novel polemics, book launches to Exquisite Corpse storytelling, followed by Q&A and then breaking up into casual groups for wandering, boozy reminiscences of the time you saw Allen Ginsberg thrown out of the Carnegie Centre, etc etc.

There are only 40 spaces available for this event, so be sure to RSVP to reserve your spot at the table. Or the bar. Whatever. Reservations made in advance are $20 per person; four days before or at the door lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom, $20 to June 10th, thereafter $25 space-available only

Media contact: Lorraine Murphy of raincoaster media ltd, lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom, 604-874-5051 Payable in cash, please. Hors d'oevres and a drink are included in the price, and match the theme of each month's meeting. A full menu is available, as well as over a hundred different whiskies at the Shebeen, near the Gassy Jack statue, just behind the Irish Heather, down Blood Alley, and behind the red door. How could you resist an address like that, eh? Oh, fine. In the alley off Carrall near Water Street, 217 Carrall, to be precise. Happy now?

Allen Ginsberg was thrown out of the Carnegie. I'll tell you the story at the meeting if you ask nicely!

Literary Gathering 7pm, Wednesday, June 15th, 2005

Shebeen, 217 Carrall Street, Vancouver BC

Reservations: lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom, $20 to June 10th, thereafter $25 space-available only

Media contact: Lorraine Murphy of raincoaster media ltd, lorrainedotmurphyatgmaildotcom

Newton Minow’s Vast Wasteland Speech

`VAST WASTELAND’ SPEECH HOLDS TRUE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
Chicago Tribune, April 24, 2001, page 17
This is an edited version of Newton Minow‘s speech to the National Association of Broadcasters on May 9, 1961:

Thank you for this opportunity to meet with you today. This is my first public address since I took over my new job. It may also come as a surprise to some of you, but I want you to know that you have my admiration and respect.

I admire your courage–but that doesn’t mean I would make life any easier for you. Your license lets you use the public’s airwaves as trustees for 180 million Americans. The public is your beneficiary. If you want to stay on as trustees, you must deliver a decent return to the public–not only to your stockholders. So, as a representative of the public, your health and your product are among my chief concerns.

I have confidence in your health. But not in your product. I am here to uphold and protect the public interest. What do we mean by “the public interest?” Some say the public interest is merely what interests the public. I disagree.

When television is good, nothing–not the theater, not the magazines or newspapers–nothing is better.

But when television is bad, nothing is worse. I invite you to sit down in front of your television set when your station goes on the air and stay there without a book, magazine, newspaper, profit and-loss sheet or rating book to distract you–and keep your eyes glued to that set until the station signs off. I can assure you that you will observe a vast wasteland.

You will see a procession of game shows, violence, audience-participation shows, formula comedies about totally unbelievable families, blood and thunder, mayhem, violence, sadism, murder, western badmen, western good men, private eyes, gangsters, more violence and cartoons. And, endlessly, commercials–many screaming, cajoling and offending. And most of all, boredom. True, you will see a few things you will enjoy. But they will be very, very few. And if you think I exaggerate, try it.

Sentenced to prime time

Is there one person in this room who claims that broadcasting can’t do better? Well, a glance at next season’s proposed programming can give us little heart. Of 73 1/2 hours of prime evening time, the networks have tentatively scheduled 59 hours to categories of “action-adventure,” situation comedy, variety, quiz shows and movies.

Is there one network president in this room who claims he can’t do better? Well, is there at least one network president who believes that the other networks can’t do better? Gentlemen, your trust accounting with your beneficiaries is overdue. Never have so few owed so much to so many.

Why is so much of television so bad? I have heard many answers: demands of your advertisers; competition for ever-higher ratings; the need always to attract a mass audience; the high cost of television programs; the insatiable appetite for programming material–these are some of them. Unquestionably these are tough problems not susceptible to easy answers.

But I am not convinced that you have tried hard enough to solve them . . . and I am not convinced that the people’s taste is as low as some of you assume.

What about the children?

Certainly I hope you will agree that ratings should have little influence where children are concerned. It used to be said that there were three great influences on a child: home, school and church. Today there is a fourth great influence, and you ladies and gentlemen control it.

If parents, teachers and ministers conducted their responsibilities by following the ratings, children would have a steady diet of ice cream, school holidays and no Sunday school. What about your responsibilities? There are some fine children’s shows, but they are drowned out in the massive doses of cartoons, violence and more violence. Must these be your trademarks?

Let me make clear that what I am talking about is balance. You will get no argument from me if you say that, given a choice between a western and a symphony, more people will watch the western. I like westerns and private eyes too–but a steady diet for the whole country is obviously not in the public interest. We all know that people would more often prefer to be entertained than stimulated or informed. But your obligations are not satisfied if you look only to popularity as a test of what to broadcast. You are not only in show business; you are free to communicate ideas as well as relaxation. You must provide a wider range of choices, more diversity, more alternatives. It is not enough to cater to the nation’s whims–you must also serve the nation’s needs.

And I would add this–that if some of you persist in a relentless search for the highest rating and the lowest common denominator, you may very well lose your audience.

The 6 principles

I want to make clear some of the fundamental principles which guide me.

First: The people own the air. They own it as much in prime evening time as they do at 6 o’clock Sunday morning. For every hour that the people give you, you owe them something. I intend to see that your debt is paid with service.

Second: I think it would be foolish and wasteful for us to continue any worn-out wrangle over the problems of payola, rigged quiz shows and other mistakes of the past. There are laws on the books, which we will enforce. But there is no chip on my shoulder.

Third: I believe in the free enterprise system. I want to see broadcasting improved and I want you to do the job. I am proud to champion your cause. It is not rare for American businessmen to serve a public trust. Yours is a special trust because it is imposed by law.

Fourth: I will do all I can to help educational television. There are still not enough educational stations, and major centers of the country still lack usable educational channels.

Fifth: I am unalterably opposed to governmental censorship. There will be no suppression of programming which does not meet with bureaucratic tastes.

Sixth: I did not come to Washington to idly observe the squandering of the public’s airwaves. I believe in the gravity of my own particular sector of the New Frontier. There will be times perhaps when you will consider that I take myself or my job too seriously. Frankly, I don’t care if you do.

Now, how will these principles be applied? Clearly, at the heart of the FCC’s authority lies its power to license, to renew or fail to renew, or to revoke a license. As you know, When your license comes up for renewal, your performance is compared with your promises. I understand that many people feel that in the past licenses were often renewed pro forma. I say to you now: Renewal will not be pro forma in the future. There is nothing permanent or sacred about a broadcast license.

But simply matching promises and performance is not enough. I intend to do more. I intend to find out whether the people care. I intend to find out whether the community which each broadcaster serves believes he has been serving the public interest. You must re-examine some fundamentals of your industry. You must open your minds and open your hearts to the limitless horizons of tomorrow.

Words of wisdom

I can suggest some words that should serve to guide you:

Television and all who participate in it are jointly accountable to the American public for respect for the special needs of children, for community responsibility, for the advancement of education and culture, for the acceptability of the program materials chosen, for decency and decorum in production, and for propriety in advertising. This responsibility cannot be discharged by any given group of programs, but can be discharged only through the highest standards of respect for the American home, applied to every moment of every program presented by television. Program materials should enlarge the horizons of the viewer, provide him with wholesome entertainment, afford helpful stimulation, and remind him of the responsibilities which the citizen has toward his society.

These words are not mine. They are yours. They are taken literally from your own Television Code. They reflect the leadership and aspirations of your own great industry. I urge you to respect them as I do.

We need imagination in programming, not sterility; creativity, not imitation; experimentation, not conformity; excellence, not mediocrity. Television is filled with creative, imaginative people. You must strive to set them free.

The power of instantaneous sight and sound is without precedent in mankind’s history. This is an awesome power. It has limitless capabilities for good–and for evil. And it carries with it awesome responsibilities–responsibilities which you and I cannot escape.

I urge you to put the people’s airwaves to the service of the people and the cause of freedom.
 

Today in Furry Albino Lobster News

Some enterprising, web-savvy hand-sewing type (yes, apparently they exist, although they are rarer than kiwa hirsuta) has created a pattern to sew your own cuddly stuffed Kiwa Hirsuta. Apparently, the whole world is focused on the appetizer course-enhancing qualities of the incredibly rare and scientifically fascinating creature; first it was described as “the size of a salad plate,” and now, this new creation has stripped the gloves off (although presumably donned the bib) and actually called itselfTasty.”

Kira Hirsuta toy

Inspired by the recently reported kiwa hirsuta lobster, I designed a plush toy. Although she’s not anatomically correct in every detail, I think she is an identifiable member of this new species.

For anyone interested in sewing one of their own, I’ve developed a pattern with instructions and released it under a Creative Commons license. I don’t recommend this project for people averse to hand-sewing or turning things inside out—there’s plenty of both involved. But it’s all simple sewing and assembly if you understand the basics of seaming and stuffing.

And, presumably, roasting and grilling.

Today in Giant Octopus News

The ever-reliable BoingBoing featured a bizarre Japanese (but I repeat myself) television show from the 60’s called Gimme Gimme Octopus. Now, I don’t speak Japanese, and I don’t take drugs, and I’m not sure, from viewing this, which would help more, but it seems to me that the baby octopus is like the MacGuffin in an old Looney Tunes cartoon, being carted around from place to place, always in danger (in this case, of being turned into yummyyummy tako servings) and never actually able to take action to save itself even when, as happens in this video, it gets dropped into water.

OMFG! The octopus fell in the water!!!! What will we dooooooooooo?

Apparently, take more drugs.

Gimme Gimme Octopus

The set design comprises, as these links mention, the kind of background pattern Joan Baez might have worn on a skirt, and the costumes are very H.R. Pufnstuffian, although it must be said that the trio of “dragons” look more like Sigmund the Sea Monster, the Grimace, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon, all after having gone on the Anna Nicole Smith “Trimspa” diet. And that walrus is channelling Tammy Faye Bakker with all that mascara.

Man, I miss Sigmund. And that curly-headed friend of his who was also on Family Affair? I think he was my first love.

In any case, I hereby present Gimme Gimme Octopus video. Prepare to scrub out your eyeballs with bleach afterwards, if you’re not still on a second-hand high.

Here you can actually purchase this chemical-fuelled monstrosity. It’s worth the twenty bucks for the marketing copy alone, which will thrill and amaze your friends (at the thought you’d pay $20 for this thing).

The most accurate summary of this late 60’s Japanese kids show we have read states: “An octopus and a peanut are in love with the same walrus.” Playing kind of like a Sesame Street segment on an entire sheet of acid, Gimme Gimme Octopus boggles the mind with it’s impenetrable story lines and bizarro characters. In one segment the octopus and the walrus steal a sleeping dragons smoking bowl. They then sit in a tree and sniff the smoke. Soon their eyelids are half open and they seem to be laughing and swaying back and fourth. Makes the Mighty Mouse magic dust controversy seem tame in comparison.

The whole series (four, count ’em, four DVDs) is available here in case you can’t find your old Thunderbirds tapes and need some brain food. And here, if you’re still looking for punishment, are some more free episodes.

Now I know why psychiatrists call them “episodes.”

Quotastic!

From the always-reliable Tom Tomorrow.

In Their Own Words