Stole this from Curtis @ Can’t See the Forest, obviously another sadist, albeit more closety about it than me. Apparently if you shake it just right, the little girl vomits.
Category Archives: Christmas
happy politically incorrect holiday!
Let no man, woman, child, trannie, or genderless cleric say raincoaster is PC. We are multiculti and equal-opportunity offensive here on the ol’ raincoaster blog, and here’s the proof. This just may be the most offensive Charlie Brown Christmas spoof ever recorded. Even I hesitated to post this one, but it’s just too roll on the floor hilariously offensive to keep to myself. I want all my friends to join me in outraged and barely-suppressed guffaws.
Ladies and gentlemen, be warned. Here it is in all its motherfucking glory: A Charlie Brown Kwanzaa! Do NOT say we didn’t warn you.
“Charlie Brown, of all the motherfuckers on Earth, you da motherfuckingest.”
“Another motherfucking nickel. Whoo, somebody didn’t get their welfare check today!”
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Mr Mojo’s Christmas
In keeping with the season and with our quiz results, raincoaster presents Jim Morrison singing his uniquely druggy and poetic Christmas carols. And we still think he sucks.
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scared of Santa slideshow
You know, there are some jobs that just don’t pay enough. Iain Dale thinks being a British MP should entitle one to a cool hundred thousand a year, but name me one MP who routinely gets peed on (Oaten‘s not still an MP, is he?) as well as screamed at, and who is forced to wear such ridiculous and overheated gear. If they made them dress funny, THEN it might be worth paying them more. I think Bozo outfits would be appropriate, don’t you? The Brits only make lawyers dress up like that nowadays, and I am sure the opportunity to dress like a relatively sane member of society circa 1986 is what attracts so many lawyers to the service of their country through politics.
Yeah, that’s what it is.
In any case, looming large among jobs you couldn’t pay me enough to do is this: Shopping Mall Santa.
And why? Let’s examine this Chicago Tribune slideshow of over 60 photos dating back to the Fifties. It’s entitled Scared of Santa, and for obvious reasons. Enjoy.
As for me and my sibling-unit, the only time we had such an incident was one time my sister, a mere toddler in a velvet miniskirt, misunderstood the way the deal worked and demanded her present before she would leave Santa‘s lap. This was, naturally, refused. Through the sonic firestorm that ensued, my father had difficulty making the actual terms understood, and finally resorted to the old trick of picking up something shiny and throwing it off-camera, so she’d scamper off in pursuit. Worked like the proverbial charm, of course, as Santa and I exchanged confidential winks.
To this day I understand that she treasures this length of tinsel, but I do not believe that her appreciation of it at the moment of gifting was as great as Santa‘s, my father’s, or, indeed, my own.
Look! It’s V for Santa! She must be a fascist!
Watch out, fatman; she’s got a mean left hook!
and sometimes it’s simply unanimous!
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Cthristmas Ctharols for Cthulhu
The Carol of the Old Ones:
Performed by The Dagon Tabernacle Choir:
Rebecca Marcotte, Digby Dolmen, J.D. Titan, and Walter Forsythe.
SOPRANO (LEAD) VOCAL
Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars are now right.
Eons have passed: now then at last
Prison walls break, Old Ones awake!
They will return: mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when they are here.
They will reclaim all in their name;
Hopes turn to black when they come back.
Ignorant fools, mankind now rules
Where they ruled then: it’s theirs again
Stars brightly burning, boiling and churning
Bode a returning season of doom
Scary scary scary scary solstice
Very very very scary solstice
Up from the sea, from underground
Down from the sky, they’re all around
They will return: mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when they are here
Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars are now right.
Eons have passed: now then at last
Prison walls break, Old Ones awake!
Madness will reign, terror and pain
Woes without end where they extend.
Ignorant fools, mankind now rules
Where they ruled then: it’s theirs again
Stars brightly burning, boiling and churning
Bode a returning season of doom
Scary scary scary scary solstice
Very very very scary solstice
Up from the sea, from underground
Down from the sky, they’re all around.
Fear
Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars now are right)
They will return
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