Category Archives: Crime

interviewing the Fatal Attraction Asshatronaut

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Lisa Marie NutbarLadies Home Journal has a telling interview with the Astronaut Amok who made the news yesterday by swathing herself in a wig, trenchcoat and Depends and driving a thousand miles to try to kidnap her romantic rival. A close read is very rewarding; you can see the control-freakery and the huge, lumbering ego in their embroyonic states.

Via Gawker.

that you can find a way to accomplish a goal that’s not clearly down the path you originally planned, but down a different path.

So I’d say in general, I like to do a wide variety of things, and probably like most people I liked it better if I was good at something. But if I wasn’t, I either worked harder to get good at it, or tried to find something else that could accomplish the same goal…

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getting medieval on your astronaut!

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How I love it when a loyal reader sends along a piece of web strangeness saying, “Saw this freakishness and thought of you.”

I feel speshul.

A certain horse blogger of heretofore normal inclinations has passed along the following sad and bizarre tale.

Remember when you were little, and you were asked what you wanted to grow up to be? Now, as a little girl I knew “cowboy” was off the table, but I saw no reason not to say “jillaroo” or, indeed, “astronaut.” “Firefighter” was for dumb lugs, sorry to my four cousins who became firefighters; I can only suggest they are playing against type.

Yes, didn’t we all want to be astronauts when we grew up? Everyone old enough to have seen the first Moon landing surely shares my one-time dream. But, as age and marks caught up with us, we realized we’d never have the PhD from MIT that seems to be the prerequisite, much less the Olympic medals, the Saudi princedom, or the College Republican presidency that are just the oak leaf clusters on the dingleberries of your application form.

We felt bad.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow us at the ol’ raincoaster blog to make your day. Allow us, in fact, to make up for decades of feelings of inadequacy. Your life may suck. Your job may involve the phrase “would you like fries with that?” Your love life may be as imaginary as your next vacation. Your socks could have holes, your dog could snap at you, and your shirt could well be tucked into your underwear at this very moment.

But you will never be the country-song-in-waiting that is the trainwreck which is this astronaut’s sorry-ass life.The mugshot goodness!

A NASA astronaut faces her first appearance before a judge this morning after police say she attacked her rival for another astronaut’s attention at Orlando International Airport Monday.

Lisa Marie Nowak drove more than 12 hours from Texas to meet the 1 a.m. flight of a younger woman who had also been seeing the astronaut Nowak pined for, according to Orlando police. She is being held on no bond at Orange County Jail and has a court appearance at 9 a.m.

Nowak — who was a mission specialist on a Space Shuttle Discovery flight last summer — was wearing a trench coat and wig and had a knife, BB pistol, and latex gloves in her car, reports show. They also found diapers, which Nowak said she used so she wouldn’t have to stop on the 1,000-mile drive.

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Never Forget!

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Aqua Teen Hunger Force Protesters. First they came for the milkshake...

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press conference of the century

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Mooninite! Gee, I thought they were mostly Asian.Two Boston urban terror suspects, out on bail, give the press conference of the century, if not of the post-Biblical era. I think I’m in love!

Background from CNN:

CHARLESTOWN, Massachusetts (CNN) — Two men pleaded not guilty Thursday to charges they created panic by placing electronic light boards that caused a bomb scare Wednesday in Boston.

The boards depicted a cartoon character making an obscene gesture at passing motorists.

Assistant Attorney General John Grossman called the light boards “bomb-like” devices and said that if they had been explosive they could have damaged transportation infrastructure in the city.

Indeed, and if Ralph Lauren shirts had been explosive no doubt much of Harvard could have been destroyed. Something tells me that overripe cans of that damn chowder have caused more explosions in Boston than any Aqua Teen Hunger Force ad campaigns. Those easterners are so neurasthenic; ten cities had this ad campaign, and Boston was the only one to call out the SWAT teams on the poor, unsuspecting Lite Brite boards. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is the Bomb!

Now, to the press conference:

“I feel like you’re not taking this seriously. Now do we have ANY questions about hairstyles in the Seventies, because my patience is wearing thin.”

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international boundaries

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two solitudes 

Us Canuckistanis like to think of ourselves as unprejudiced people. This is, after all, the country to which 27,000 Americans fled before slavery was finally outlawed (1898 in New Jersey, fun fact!) in the United States. This is a country born of many cultures, a country in which the Aboriginal Peoples constitute probably the third most powerful political force (fourth if you count graft). A country with two official languages, a country where the Multiculturalism portfolio is one of the most powerful and most coveted on Parliament Hill.

So when we heard of a racist assault on a burqa-clad pedestrian, we were, naturally and as one, outraged. The loathesome bigot and all his descendants for ten generations were cursed by a for-once-united British Columbia.

Of course I put my own two cents adjusted for inflation in:

“Got to be an American!” I said.

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