So, who thinks this is a good idea?

Unquestionably, this matched set of wirelessly synchronized, web-enabled Big Gulp-scale blinkenlite Frankentumblers will help nerds bond with each other.

I say again, Who thinks this is a good idea?

I suppose, when faced with the alternative (allowing them to bond and potentially reproduce in meatspace), this appears pretty innocuous. “Hey,” the Freudians all say, “Let’s help these poor, sex-deprived geeks get their virtual freak on.” But why? And besides, those Freudians are pretty strange, too.

I suppose it’ll keep them in their basements and off the streets. I suppose it’ll prevent them from searching for the meaning of life and becoming cultists. I suppose it will keep them out of the Irish Heather, sparing me the necessity of eviscerating them when they drool at my chest and try to impress me with their ability to recite all the captains of the Starship Enterprise, backwards.

Someone once said it was nice of Mr. And Mrs. Thomas Carlyle to marry each other “and thus make only two, rather than four people miserable.” So in that sense, nerd bonding could be a good thing. It’ll keep them in their own end of the gene pool, for one thing.

But I think God invented WoW to keep their minds off sex. Because nothing on Planet Earth has been responsible for as many missed opportunities as this single game; it is the highest and purest form of contraception ever invented, as well as the most precisely targeted, and for that we can all give thanks. There are zeta males and females everywhere, rocking monitor tans and not knowing what they are missing, and it’s better that than having them throw off the soma and suddenly realize that The Matrix was neither fictive nor involuntary.

The Lover’s cups will glow when your lover is drinking. When both of you are drinking at the same time, both of the Lover’s Cups glow and celebrate this virtual kiss.

But, I ask, is there potential for betrayal and senseless drama?

You bet! Ah, suddenly, things are looking up.

When one’s Lover’s Cup meets with another cup by toasting, two of them will become a pair of Lover’s Cups until one of them toasts with other cups.

“You’re toast,” takes on a whole new meaning.

I note with some interest that the cups not only light up, but vibrate as well. I’m wondering if, as with Starbucks stainless steel travel tumblers, consumer demand will result in slimmer, longer models. “Let’s do that again! Again! AGAIN!”

Ew. Just ew. And while we’re on the topic, watch where you’re putting that dataglove.

Why do you think they make plastic keyboard covers?