welcome to the panIHOPticon

The Spatula of Total Information Awareness 

Would you like some surveillance with those flapjacks? How about a side of identity theft? Can I top up your presumption of guilt before offering you what we’ve got in the way of closed curcuit television monitoring, hot off the griddle? Here’s our daily special, fresh from the Department of Homeland Insecurity.

In response to a media inquiry, a Quincy, Massachusetts International House of Pancakes has ended its somewhat over-the-top dine-and-dash prevention policy of requiring its customers to not only show, but also relinquish, their driver’s licenses while enjoying the tasty breakfasts for which the chain is renowned.

Those who would trade liberty for security of pancakes deserve neither liberty nor pancakes!

The PanIHOPticon policy was overturned when one John Russo, would-be breakfaster, refused to comply with the policy, citing fears of identity theft. Media reports quote Russo as saying,

“‘You want my license? I’m going for pancakes, I’m not buying the Hope diamond,’ and they refused to seat us…Identity theft is rampant. I wouldn’t want to give my license, with my address or Social Security number to anyone that I’m not familiar with. I’m going just for breakfast.”

There are no reports of Russo attempting to use the library, pray, or take flying lessons while at the IHOP.

Would you like a cavity search with that maple syrup?

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the Charlie Brown remix: an Outkast Christmas

Remix or original, Linus still has the best lines. It would make sense that he grew up to be George Clooney.

Sesame Street meets Goodfellas

From Martin Scorsese comes a new and gut-wrenching interpretation of the Sesame Street story.

In a world so familiar, some secrets just can’t stay hidden.
From the director of Goodfellas and Taxi Driver comes a story of vengence and innocence, love and violence, friendship and betrayal.

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grampa’s advice for young people

Another video from Little Miss Sunshine. Gramps has some pointed advice for 15-year-old Dwayne the Nietzsche freak. Ah, have any among us has been spared the mortifyingly antiquated life lessons from a dribbling elder?

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Little Miss Sunshine: the penultimate scene

If you can’t see the words SPOILER ALERT don’t blame me for what happens. If you do not already know this movie, do not watch this. I’m serious.

TOTAL, TOTAL SPOILER ALERT, DUDES!!!
BEEP! BEEP!

SPOILER ALERT!!!

IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS DO NOT CLICK ON THIS, DO NOT MOVE FORWARD, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT FOLD, SPINDLE OR MUTILATE

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