Yeah. You don’t know my family, but they give these guys a run for their money; only thing is, I’d be playing the mother in this scenario.

You see, once, long ago, I was little. And my little sister was littler. And we lived in Winnipeg.

(when writing about Winnipeg it is mandatory to use a macho, I-can-handle-the-weather, Hemingwayesque writing style, otherwise the Wendigo thinks you’re getting cocky)

And we lived in a little house, my little sister and I, and our mother and father, both of whom were rather diminutive, come to think of it, which I didn’t, then. And our little house had a little basement (the story of which I will tell you another time, as it is noncongruent with this one, so that’s why).

And we were in the basement, my sister and I.

I was riding my tricycle around and around the pillars in a figure eight, as one is wont to do when one is four and one is stuck in the basement with one’s little sister.

My little sister was holding onto the bannister on the landing and swinging back and forth, and suddenly, for no particular reason that she can recall, she let go and decided to fly.

Turns out she wasn’t very good at that.

Some time later, my mother entered the room, to find me now making a figure §. around the pillar, the other pillar, and the unconscious body of my little sister.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” my mother screamed.

“But Mom,” I answered, “She was being quiet.”

Now here’s a family that actually surpasses that remarkable benchmark of it’s not my problem-ism. from SmallHandsIck via Gawker:

My mother called me on the phone Monday, “Rachael you were right the play starts at 7pm so we’ll have to meet earlier– an hour earlier than I said.”
“OK.” I responded, and then continued, “Oh, yeah I just remembered I have to call Dad.”
“Well, he’s in the emergency room, so I don’t know if he’s going to pick up.”
“What?”
“Maybe, he’ll pick up. I just talked to him.”
“What happened to him?”
“Hmm? Oh. Um. I don’t know. He’s in some sort of excrutiating pain. You know your father.”
“Were you going to tell me my father was in the hospital.”
“I did tell you.”
“Only because I brought up that I had to call him.”
“Rachael, your father was never coming to the theatre with us anyway.”