Pretty much just what it says. This glossy, watertight fellow is practicing for the Texas Chainsaw Pumpkin Carving Contest, which does not take place in Texas at all, but in Fremont, Washington.
He is at least as kinky as Leatherface, I must say.
Category Archives: Family
Elmo scandal grows: A Two – Two, ah! ah! ah! – Two-Faced Snake
From Scott Feschuk‘s book Searching for Michael Jackson’s Nose.
Does it say too much about me to mention that I spent 45 minutes searching for this on the internet before realizing the possibility that I’d come across it somewhere else? Like in a … what’s the word? Book, right? After all, I used to read stuff that existed in the physical as well as ethereal world. But that was many years ago…
A Two – Two, Ah! Ah! Ah! – Two-Faced Snake
PRODUCER: Hey. Excuse me, you, with the feathers. Listen, we’re from A&E. We’re here to shoot some footage for a Biography special on Elmo. You know him?
BIG BIRD (sipping a latte): Sure, I know Elmo. Everyone on Sesame Street knows Elmo.
PRODUCER: Great. That’s great. Let us just get the camera set up here and we’ll ask you a few questions. Stories, anecdotes, fond memories – whatever you can come up with.
BIG BIRD: Oh, you don’t want to talk to me. Elmo and I used to be good pals, but he doesn’t hang out on the street much any more. I hardly ever see him these days.
PRODUCER: So talk about old times, when Elmo was first getting to be famous. [to camera operator] You ready? Okay, shoot.
BIG BIRD: All right. Well, that was when it all started to change, really. Elmo had always been a sweet little guy, even when he was starting to make it big. But then one year Bob McGrath took him to the Grammys, and Elmo was never the same.
PRODUCER: Got a bit of a big head, did he?
BIG BIRD: Well, not exactly. I think what happened is that at one of those after-parties, Bob introduced Elmo to P.Diddy, and they just hit it off. Dancing, laughing, partying. One minute Elmo‘s learning his alphabet and practicing his phonics, the next he’s chugging Cristal and calling Maria “bee-yatch.”
PRODUCER: Cut. That’s great, Bird, great. But we’re working more from the Elmo-is-adored-by-children-around-the-world angle.
BIG BIRD: Oh sure, he’s all tee-hee for the cameras. But yell “Cut!” these days and the kid’s got a voice like Harvey Fierstein and a temper like Sean Penn.
PRODUCER: Right. [Sees someone else is coming]Okay, thanks, Bird. Hey! Hey, blue guy. Over here. How about you? What do you make of Elmo‘s remarkable success?
COOKIE MONSTER: Me no want to talk about him.
PRODUCER: Come on, our viewers would appreciate it.
COOKIE MONSTER: Me say this. Me used to get all best cookies, real gourmet product. Now, budget all go to Elmo. Big trailer, masseuse, guest directors for his segments. Quentin Tarantino take forty-seven days to shoot balls-falling-out-of-closet gag. An then they make me do sketch with frickin’ Dutch windmill cookies. Dutch windmill cookies. [Pause] Dutch. Windmill. Cookies.
PRODUCER: Er, right… You two! Stop! What about you two fellows? What can you tell us about Elmo?
ERNIE: Well, I don’t know what you’ve heard, but he’s a good kid.
PRODUCER: Finally! Get the camera over here!
ERNIE: A lot of folks on Sesame Street are jealous, though. I mean, a guy like Grover has been paying his dues for decades – never bellyaching, not even when they stuffed him into a white disco suit for the cover of the Sesame Street Fever album – and he gets jack-all in the way of respect around here. But Elmo giggles and moults fof fifteen minutes every day and he’s got Emmys out the wazoo. It gets a little hard to take. Just yesterday, he shows up late for our rhyming-game segment. Eyes as red as his fur. And I’m not even going to tell you how he replied when I started the sketch by saying, “Pucker.”
BERT (nudging his way in): You know at the end of the show, there’s that bit where they say, “Sesame Street is brought to you by the letter F and the number five,” or something like that. Well, Elmo has a hissy fit one day – storms off the set! – when the producers won’t agree to change it to “Sesame Street is brought to you by Big Ol’ Hank’s Burger Hut and Tequila Bar.” They always comp Elmo down at Big Ol’ Hank’s. The rest of us can’t even run a friggin’ tab.
PRODUCER: CUt. [Sighs] Burn that tape.
ERNIE: I heard that’s why they gave him his own show a few years back – to keep him from bolting. Fox was after him to play the lead in a bawdy new sitcom opposite Tori Spelling and one of the California Raisins.
PRODUCER: Wel, um… thanks. Cripes. [Dejectedly] How about you, sir? Do you have a minute to tell our viewers what you think of Elmo?
COUNT VON COUNT: Yes, I have precisely one – one, ah! ah! ah! – one minute to spare. So let me tell you a story, Mr. Producer Man. I run a little sideline business on Sesame Street: a public service involving financial repercussions resulting from the outcomes of certain events of a sporting nature, if you catch my drift. [The producer stares ahead vacantly] I’m a friggin’ bookie. Anyway, Elmo gets on the show, starts earning a little green. Next thing I know he’s knocking on my castle door. Kid got lucky at first, real lucky: he always bet that the baker guy with the cakes would wind up falling down those stairs. Clumsy oaf cost me a fortune! But then Elmo started wagering on hopscotch, on rock-paper-scissors – he was out of control, and his luck turned bad. Soon, the kid’s into me for five – five, ah! ah! ah! – for five large. But every time I go to collect, I get a face-full of fat furry enforcer, telling me to scram. You ask me, the kid’s a two – two, ah! ah! ah! – two-faced snake.
There is a pause.
PRODUCER: Screw this. Let’s hit the road. I say we try soemthing a little easier this afternoon, like getting Mia Farrow to say some nice things for the Woody Allen bio.
As the producer and his crew depart, they walk past the Sesame Street Four Seasons, where Elmo is in the hot tub shooting a segment for his show, Elmo’s World.
ELMO (wearing sunglasses and nursing a highball while bikinied Muppets peel grapes for him): Hi, kids! Elmo loves you! Today we’re going to learn all about “groupies.”
Sesame Street fires “Audit Me Elmo”
Sesame Street lets go of its ‘top gun’
Newsflash from the Pittsburgh Tribune By Eric Heyl
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Friday, September 22, 2006Weary of his increasingly erratic behavior, Sesame
Street producers will not extend the contract of the program’s most popular muppet.Gary Knell, CEO of Sesame Workshop, the parent company of the popular PBS program, told The Wall Street Journal yesterday that he is severing ties with Elmo.
“As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal,” Knell said. “His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Sesame Street.”
Knell would not elaborate. But those close to the show indicated PBS had grown increasingly irritated over Elmo’s public embrace of Scientology.
Nor was the network happy when Elmo, in an interview with NBC’s Matt Lauer, launched a blistering attack on the use of antidepressants to combat postpartum depression.
The final straw, industry sources said, was Elmo signing off on his spastic new likeness, TMX Elmo, which was unveiled Tuesday.
Parodying the panic-stricken movements of a typical choking victim, the latest Elmo doll doubles over, falls on its back and kicks its legs before finally rising — cackling hysterically all the while.
“It completely undignified. It unbecoming of muppet who supposedly has intellectual acuity of 3-year-old,” said a source close to Sesame Street who is not the Cookie Monster.
To Sesame Street and PBS executives, the doll also rekindled disturbing memories of Elmo‘s controversial appearance last year on “Oprah.” The doll behaves much as Elmo did on the talk show when he passionately and clumsily declared his love for his onscreen romantic interest, the furry orange creature Zoe.The couple since have spawned a young daughter, Silli, while denying persistent rumors that the child’s father actually is the lovable blue muppet Grover.
The powerful Creative Artists Agency, which represents Elmo and many of Hollywood‘s other A-list stars, termed the firing “graceless and uncouth.”
“This is no way to treat an artist,” a CAA release stated. “This unconscionable action will cause brightly colored and highly marketable children’s puppets everywhere to question whether they would want to work for an outfit that does this to its greatest asset.”
Producers reportedly are involved in serious negotiations with Brad Pitt to replace Elmo in the upcoming sequel to the hit film “Elmo in Grouchland.” The anticipated action blockbuster’s working title is “Return to Grouchland: Oscar’s Days of Rage.”
end inet child abuse: the light a million candles project
From Cold Desert. Pass it along.
The innocent victims of Internet child abuse cannot speak for themselves.
But you can.
With your help, we can eradicate this evil trade.
We do not need your money.
We need you to light a candle of support.
We’re aiming to light at least One Million Candles by December 31, 2006.
This petition will be used to encourage governments, politicians, financial institutions, payment organisations, Internet service providers, technology companies and law enforcement agencies to eradicate the commercial viability of online child abuse.
They have the power to work together. You have the power to get them to take action.
Please light your candle at lightamillioncandles.com.Together, we can destroy the commercial viability of Internet child abuse sites that are destroying the lives of innocent children.
VampireFreaks fundraiser for Montreal Children’s Hospital
from, obviously, VampireFreaks. Again I say, I’m just not seeing all these Goth-bashing articles they’re whining about (links, please?), but I’m perfectly fine with Saint Sebastian Syndrome in somebody else if it raises money for sick kids.
VampireFreaks and GothHelpUs present:
The VF Charity Fundraiser
Welcome to the Vampirefreaks Charity fundraiser. Here we are raising money to donate to charity, to help people in need, and to show the world that goths are not the scary, evil criminals that some people make us out to be.
Unfortunately, Vampirefreaks.com and gothic culture in general has been receiving negative press, most recently for a school shooting in montreal where the criminal was a member of this website. It was a very tragic event and it’s unfortunate that the faults of one user has been attributed to our site and goth culture in general. In response to these events, we have been watching the site more closely and also asking users to be on their best behavior and show that we are a friendly and caring community. A few members have taken it upon themselves to get involved with local charities, and I applaud you for your efforts.
Vampirefreaks is now officially hosting a charity fundraiser for the Montreal Children’s Hospital Foundation, towards providing hospital care to children in Montreal. We have chosen this charity because Montreal is the city that was affected by this tragic event and we would like to help out children in need [Montreal Children’s Hospital is also the charity chosen by Anastasia DeSousa‘s family for donations in her name].
All members who donate will be listed on this page as a thank you for your support, and if you donate $50 (US dollars) or more, you will receive a free 1 year premium membership.
raincoaster 