RIP Larry “Bud” Melman: a cheap cigar in the wind

It is with a heavy heart that I inform that infinitesimal percentage of the world not already in deep mourning that Calvert deForest (Larry “Bud” Melman), who lived his life like a cheap, smelly cigar in the wind, has gone to that great Green Room in the Sky. David Letterman, who gave “Melman” his start in show business, is reported to be inconsolable.

Cheap, Smelly, Old-Man’s Cigar in the Wind

 

Goodbye butt of jokes,
may you ever bitch, groan and whine.
You were the ass that placed himself
where you’d be a bad punchline.
You called out to our slackers,
and you babbled to insomniacs.
Now you belong to heaven,
and the stars know you were whack.
And it seems to me you lived your life
like a curmudgeon in the wind:
never getting even one clue
when Letterman set in.
And your footsteps will always thud here,
along New York’s sleazy halls;
your cigar’s burned out long before
you ever lost your balls.
Crankiness we’ve lost;
these empty nights without your roar.
This torch we’ll always carry
for our nation’s favorite bore.
And even though we try,
the truth brings us to tears;
all our words cannot express
the joy you brought us through the years.
Goodbye New York’s joke,
from a country lost, without a soul,
who’ll miss the chance to laugh at you
more than you’ll ever know.

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long-lost Rolling Stones recording resurfaces

snap, crackle, pop goes the sellouton the back of a Rice Krispies box…and thanks to the blog Phil Spector at WordPress.

Indeed, back in the day all bands, no matter how selflessly dedicated to sheer artistic integrity at all costs, were forced at gunpoint to record cheesy commercial jingles, mostly (for some reason) for beverages, electrically acidified or not. The Rolling Stones, it turns out, were no exception.

In between hearty bouts of celebrating the Black Mass, mystic groupie-groping orgies, and the occasional refreshing snack break, the boys found time to sandwich in the recording of a jingle for Kellogg’s Rice Krispies in October of 1963. Imagine the segue: “Okay boys, that’s a wrap on Little Red Rooster, but now we’ve got something else for you…”

Actual physical proof it exists

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So Ashley MacIsaac says to me…

not yer grampa's fiddler 

Well, he says it to a couple of hundred other people, too, because there we all are at the Vancouver Celtic Festival‘s free concert he gave on Sunday on the Granville pedestrian Mall which has, for once, actually been made off-limits to traffic so you can have things like, say, pedestrians on it and even some pretty nifty concerts, and we are: there we all are, pedestrianating away madly and concerting in a disconcerting manner and all.

Cuz that’s how we roll.

And there he is onstage, Cape Breton‘s greatest living fiddler and that’s saying something, for Cape Breton fiddlers get stalked by degreed Irish musicologists with great notebooks full of stuff about Celtic cultural survivals in exotic lands like, say, Canada.

Now, the lad is a bit of a character, to say the least and, as a Canadian, one would always be tending to say the least, at least until someone had bought you a few stiff drinks, so we shall leave it more or less at that…

And he’s about to launch into another song when he comes over all full-body spasm and spins around like an impaired Tasmanian Devil who can’t afford the whole whirlwind or maybe just has commitment issues and prefers to be a one-twirl Devil, and we think for a moment that he’s having the bloody brain lightning right there onstage, but lo, we are mistaken and mighty guilty-feeling we all are, for yea, the man’s working hard and looking pretty clean for a brain-lightning candidate lately.

Ashley MacIsaac, in thug uniform

Well, relatively speaking.

And he says to us, he says:

“Now, I have to tell you one more story.” And cheers erupt, for he is not half bad at that, either. Multi-talented, that’s our boy. And he says, “I was going into my house in Toronto [and at this point we gasp as we realize how low he’s fallen, to be forced to live in the big T-zero] and I saw this guy outside on my lawn. He had a ballcap on backwards, like this,” he says, helpfully demonstrating, although I doubt the lawn-lurker’s hat is decked out in a big scripty letter A all in bling, “and he had a hoodie with the hood pulled up and he was looking, well, he was looking like he was having a rough day, so I said good day to him and gave him a cigarette and took out my keys and went inside.”

“And,” he says, says he, “a couple of months later I was going in to my house in Toronto and there was the same guy, sitting there, and he looks at me and I look at him and he says, ‘I KNOW YOU!‘ and I think maybe he does, but then he says, ‘and do you know who I am?’ and I say no…”

“And he says, ‘I’m the World Champion Irish Fiddler from Saskatchewan.’” Laughter erupts at this point, wide, deep and long. I mean, have you been to Saskatchewan?

“And I said ‘All right, prove it!’ and I took out my fiddle and my bow and I handed them to the guy. And let me tell you, he was better than I am on most days. So let that tell you…something.”

Ashley?

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in keeping with the spirit of the season

I was out all yesterday, having too much fun to post. If you want me to post while the Celtic Festival is on, you’re going to have to buy me a laptop; then your word will be my command! Until that glorious day I will not feel too damn guilty about taking a Sunday off to have fun with my friends and, when those friends get tired, go out and have more fun with my other friends and close down the Heather and all, particularly when someone as cute as the guitarist winks at me.

Twice.

Coming soon: the story Ashley MacIssac told me about the hoodie.

another reason U2 is the greatest band in the world

The Superbowl Halftime Show in 2002; a tribute to the victims of 911 in a performance of Where the Streets Have No Name. If I’m not mistaken, the audience made Bono cry. Well, they sure did it to me.

God, how performers must love giving their all in front of American audiences. Those people just do NOT hold back; nor should they, in a case like this. This is what is known as rocking the house. Lyrics over the jump.

The First reason U2 is the greatest band in the world is here.

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