Category Archives: Historical

life lessons from 80’s cartoons

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Smurfistan, comrade!

Ch’yeah, like your parents were any better-informed.

Think about it.

Here’s a list (from the zombie-like reanimated Cracked magazine) of life lessons from old 80’s cartoons. And here’s a wee sample, which I choose for no particular reason.

CARTOON: The Smurfs
LESSON: Communism works!

For naysayers who point to the Former Soviet Union as proof that communism is inherently flawed, may we merely direct your attention to Smurf Village, where everyone shares everything, wears similar utilitarian clothing, battles Gargamel and his turn-Smurfs-to-gold get rich quick schemes and obeys the dictates of a bearded, red hat-wearing, benevolent authority figure. Quoth Comrade Papa: “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.” Really, he actually said that.
How it affected us as adults: Secret communist agendas ceased being dangerous, or really any adjective of consequence, years ago. The worst thing communism does these days is make Ivy League students waste a couple of years wearing ugly clothes and attending boring meetings. However, the sexual politics of Smurf Village, with its one female for every 30 guys, did go a long way towards preparing us for freshman year of college.

But wait, there’s more!

how’s your Constitution?

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Constitutional Rah Rah from Yankistan 

I’d guess it’s been under a little strain lately. Before you have it removed and/or replaced with a new one, why not test your knowledge of what you’re about to lose?

According to this test, I’m an awesomely well-informed American. Actually, I’m an awesomely well-informed Canadian, but we’ll let it pass for the moment. How will you do? Answers after the jump. Via Fark.

Each state has its own constitution. State constitutions:

a. are usually identical to the federal Constitution.
b. must not contradict the federal Constitution, but may offer more protections and rights to their people than the U.S. Constitution provides.
c. may differ from the federal Constitution, but must be approved by Congress first.

What does the Constitution say is “the Supreme Law of the Land”?

a. The Constitution only.
b. Federal laws only.
c. The Constitution, federal laws, and treaties.

The chief justice of the United States administers the oath of office to the president because:

a. It is required by the Constitution.
b. It is a tradition.
c. It is required by federal law.

Which of the following is true about the president’s Oath of Office:

a. The president is required by the Constitution to write his own Oath of Office.
b. The exact wording of the Oath of Office is provided in the Constitution.
c. An Oath of Office is not required by the Constitution; it is merely tradition.

Which of the following is a true statement regarding courts:

a. The Constitution requires a Supreme Court, federal courts in various districts, and individual state courts.
b. The Constitution creates a Supreme Court and allows the Supreme Court to determine whether other courts are necessary, how many and where.
c. The Constitution requires only one federal court — the Supreme Court. All other federal courts may be created by Congress when appropriate.

Founding Fathers A-Founding

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for medicinal purposes only

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 Shake it up, baby now!

W.C. Fields claimed he only drank brandy as a cure for the bite of a venomous snake, which, he said, “I also keep handy.” But, as always, we must look to James Bond for true leadership, yea, even in the field of medical mixology.

Canadian researchers decided to see if martinis had anything to do with Bond’s apparent good health — remember he was Bond. James Bond.cleared for duty by a medical professional in The World Is Not Enough. The researchers’ objectives: “As Mr Bond is not afflicted by cataracts or cardiovascular disease, an investigation was conducted to determine whether the mode of preparing martinis has an influence on their antioxidant capacity.”

The experiment found that shaken martinis contain more antioxidants than the stirred variety, and antioxidants have been shown to help ward off cancer and other common killers like heart disease.

the Yellow Submarine

And unlike in Ogden Nash‘s famous poem, it is the vermouth.

There is something about a Martini,
A tingle remarkably pleasant;
A yellow, a mellow Martini;
I wish I had one at present.
There is something about a Martini,
Ere the dining and dancing begin,
And to tell you the truth,
It is not the vermouth
–I think that perhaps it’s the gin.

Ogden Nash

sexy Star Trek slashtube: Closer

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Every love story is better with a little Nine Inch Nails, right?

Or is that just mine…? Don’t answer that.

From Defamer.

all your newspapers are belong to us

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Google rulez okay?

The Wall Street Journal interviews one FOI advocate who opposes Google‘s quest to put all newspapers going back to 1888 online. He’s doing that himself, as part of a project sponsored by Yahoo and Microsoft. Coincidence?

Google Inc. made news last week when it said it was launching a service that would allow users to search newspaper archives going back as far as the 18th century. Announcements like that are usually applauded as an advance for the spread of knowledge. But Brewster Kahle, a long-time Internet activist and founder of Internet Archive, had some reservations. We asked him why.

* * *

What’s not to like about Google making so much information freely available?

The opportunity for universal access to all public knowledge is one of the great opportunities of our times. And to the extent that companies are helping us get there, that’s terrific. Google is making great strides in this direction; the basic goal is terrific and their service is actually quite good.

The issue we have with what’s being built is that we are creating what is in effect a private library system. What we want, however, is a public library system, one where we can have many different points of view on the published literature of humankind. What we are actually building might end up being controlled by a single corporation. If this were some other industry — plastic or software — I wouldn’t be as worried about it. But we are taking about the cultural heritage, the intellectual heritage, of humans. And that’s too important to be left to one company.

In this we are in complete agreement. When companies have vested interests in controlling key components of the culture, that’s when a government solution is appropriate. Because a government, however venal and Machiavellian it may be, has a vested interest in the culture itself, and is responsive to the culture as a whole, whereas corporations are sensitive to (and vulnerable to) only the market, one tiny segment of the culture.

If only one such archive is to be built, why let it be in private hands? he asks. My response to that is another question: why not do this as a public project as well. Go ahead, duplicate the effort. Because as we learn on the Internet to our peril, things fall apart. And if the servers themselves don’t belong to you, there is nothing whatsoever you can do about it.

Wasteful? Not really; all those grad students are gonna hafta find co-ops or internships somewhere on the federal dime anyway. Any system administrator will tell you that redundancy can be a source of strength, and any savvy investor will tell you that competition improves quality.

Besides, what are you gonna do when China buys Google?

Choogle