Here’s a charming roundup of the 30 strangest animal mating habits, courtesy of the generally neato Neatorama. Strangely, World of Warcraft-inspired pickup lines are nowhere to be found; but then, the list is limited to those species who actually do have sex.

You’ve got all the usual suspects here: your bonobos, your banana slugs, the old “exploding bee testicle” thing, but they also have a penis fencing video and a little something about snake orgies that puts some of those Zealia Bishop Yig-Mythos stories into perspective. Charming.

The annual red-garter mating balls are a big tourist attraction in Manitoba—and a source of many tales. One unsuspecting couple built a house on top of an empty snake pit one summer, only to find their property swarmed by thousands of red-sided garters returning to their traditional hibernation den in the fall. The couple quickly relocated their new house.

It is to be noted that a roundup like this often brings the realization that some humans are not all that far from those we call “beasts” if you really give it some thought.

Actually, “court” may be too strong a word: the male … basically follows her around until she gives in and lets him have her!

For those who walk on their hind legs, just a reminder: that is never going to work.

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