And now, the weather forcast, with Charles Fort

Fort's Greatest HitsFrom the often-accidentally-reliable Sun. I shall have Yavanna save me a BFO in the freezer for when I come over. How handy if the fish turned out to be something yummy; according to Charles Fort, they're virtually always pilchards or whitefish, though.

BRITAIN is set for a summer downpour of FROGS and FISH, scientists said yesterday.

Recent changeable weather conditions such as storms, droughts and sudden downpours have vastly increased the chance of objects falling from the sky.

Experts say the most likely spot for a BFO — “bizarre falling object” — is the Norfolk resort of Great Yarmouth.

The phenomenon is highlighted in a British Weather Services report.

Past recorded BFOs include jellyfish, frogs, crabs, fish and coal.

BWS senior meteorologist Jim Dale said the phenomenon can be caused by heat and air pressure coupled with atmospheric instability.

He said: “Converging cold air off the North Sea and warm air off the land make for the necessary conditions.”

Other BFO hotspots include east Manchester and Ipswich.

Cicero and Carnegie

My friend Carinthia, who has lived in the neighborhood for twenty-very-odd years, went to the Carnegie Library to get a book. Well, you would go to the library for a book, wouldn't you? She had in mind a particular translation of Cicero, the kind of thing that hasn't topped the best-seller lists in a couple of millennia. The kind of thing you expect to have to order from the West End, or the North Shore, but definitely not the kind of thing you think is readily available here on the Downtown EastSide.

She picked her way past the sixty or so drug dealers surrounding the building like a particularly saturnine ring, passed the needle exchange table, and went up the curving stairs into the round tower. Yes, the Carnegie Library had the translation she was looking for. You may not be surprised, but you haven't seen the Carnegie Centre or the Carnegie Library, a tiny subset of the Centre.

When the cafeteria is getting its food delivery they have to have one extra person to stay in the truck and guard everything or that delivery truck would be stripped to the rims in seconds. When it pulls up a crowd surrounds it immediately; exclusively big, burly guys who can lock onto a case of hotdog buns like a pit bull on a postie. They make no secret that they are there for whatever they can get, and if the guy in the truck is too dainty looking or without a 2×4 there could be real trouble.

The only time I've seen anything like it was in Indonesia, in Ambon, the part where they're killing the white people now. I was there just before they started, and as our ferry pulled up to the dock we saw thirty or forty would-be porters scrambling to get onto the staircase to the ship; it was the kind of stairs-on-wheels thing you see in old shots of the Queen. There were two port officials on those stairs, armed with bats, and every time a hand would grasp the rail over the dotted line they would whack it with the bats. We could hear the smack and clang over the throb of the engines. It's like those scenes on CNN when a truck with food pulls into a refugee camp and they try to rush it.

It's much the same outside the Carnegie Centre, except the delivery guys are quite big and they call out half the kitchen staff to help: they form a line like a bucket brigade, and pass the coleslaw and creamed corn or tofu whip or whatever it might be that day along into the kitchen.

Anyway, the Carnegie Centre. I wouldn't be surprised to hear there is a dressage outreach program in there, bringing German equestrianism to the Downtown EastSide. They have such a variety of amazing things inside this rundown, haunted and hunted building that it's like nothing so much as Mary Poppins' carpetbag. Reach in and pull out anything in the world. An art gallery? Sure. Martial Arts studio? Sure. Live nude drawing classes? Two-dollar meals? Gym? Computer labs? Symposiums? Meditation room? Senior's services? Youth services? Immigrant services? Sure, all that and the ghost of the old cleaner, too. If I needed a white rhino for any reason that's the first place I'd go, because if they didn't have it they would surely be on the White Rhino Network mailing list, and could give me a referral and probably some coupons to boot.

They also have a library, but perhaps I mentioned that. The library is about the size of a large bedroom, with special sections for books on the Downtown EastSide (quite a lot, actually; I guess we're famous) and for new immigrants and gender studies and other marginalized literature; here minorities are the majority, so this represents the majority of books in the library. Marginalization is standard; mainstreamers are outnumbered and so by definition also marginalized.

So the Carnegie had the Cicero, were in fact the only library around that had the Cicero. The Ancients are surely a marginalized group, if ever there was one, so the Cicero was bound to be there, since everyone on the Westside only reads Oprah's books. Only, it wasn't there.

There were six people on the waiting list for the Cicero.

So Carinthia put her name down for number seven and walked back home, past the largest open-air illegal drug market in the world, past the junkies tweeking on the sidewalks, past the hookers working all the angles of all the corners, past the empty park that smells like beer every morning, past the Chinese restaurant where OD's get locked in the bathroom until closing time whereupon the police are called, through her eight-foot high steel security gate and her deadbolted front door, and she made some tea and she sat down and she wondered what she really knew about her neighborhood.

God save the fuckin’ Queen, sayeth the Archies

Don't ask. Some things are better experienced than understood.

Linkie o’ the Day: Ask Chaucer 2.0

From Geoffrey Chaucer's blog, right over there on the blogroll.

Dear Mr. Chaucer,

Okay, so there's, like, this guy at school and he is TOTALLY hot and I think he likes me – like, he hasn't SAID anything? But Jamie heard from Marissa that Brooke had overhead him saying that he was completely into me!! And I like totally trust them? Except that this guy used to date M'lyssa and exes are like SO out of bounds, it's so not cool! But then she was all "oh, we're thinking about getting back together too" and the rest of us were just like, "umm, get over yourself?" and she was like "no", and we were like "yeah" and now she's not talking to any of us which is SOOO unreasonable, she is such a drama queen oh my god and she has the fugliest hair, she had it like slicked back yesterday and I was just like "what the hell?"
So anyways, do you think I should go for him???

Love,
Hopeless Romantic

Ma chere Romantique sans Espoir,

Thou knowst wel the oolde clerkes sawe, ‘who shal yeve a loevere any lawe’? And also that fayre couplete of Boethius his Consolation of Philosophie that saith ‘quis legem det amantibus, maior enim lex est amor sibi,’ the whiche on englysshe tonge meneth ‘Who shal yiven loveres a lawe? ffor love ys for ytselfe a gretere lawe.’

Thus, thyn affecioun for thys manne of hotnesse doth surpasse eny bonde or promise thou hast ymade with Marisse. But onlye, I counsel thee, yf yt doth drawe yts source from cupides owen trewe arwe, and yf yt ys sovereine and powirful love (and nat simplye a passynge fancie). So yf yt be trewe and honest love, proceede, wyth litle thoghte for litel boondes yn fikel frendshep yforged. And yet, be nat cruelle aboute Marisses hairestyle, for as Cicero saith: odium ludo non ludatori, the whiche meneth hate nat the playere but the game.

Le Vostre
GC

Email o’ the Day: Romenesko

Poynteronline

Romenesko

THURSDAY, MAY 18, 2006
Friedman’s do-or-die dates never seem to get any closer
Fair.org

* New York Times columnist Tom Friedman in 2003: “The next six months in
Iraq — which will determine the prospects for democracy-building there —
are the most important six months in U.S. foreign policy in a long, long
time.”

* Friedman in 2004: “Iraq will be won or lost in the next few months.”

* Friedman in 2005: “I think the next six months really are going to
determine whether this country is going to collapse into three parts or
more or whether it’s going to come together.”

* Friedman in 2006: “I think that we’re going to know after six to nine
months whether this project has any chance of succeeding.”
Posted at 10:41:59 AM