Category Archives: Movies

Darth Vader’s Backup Disk

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Yeah, it makes so much sense. You knew he’d be old-skool, didn’t you?

Beverly Hills Cthulhu!

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Beverly Hills Cthulhu

Beverly Hills Cthulhu

Actually, contrary to what it says over on io9, Cthulhu does not need a perky blonde sidekick. He already has me!

Jenna MacNipperson (Cameron Diaz) is a spoiled daddy’s girl on vacation in Cancun. When her island-hopping party boat runs aground on the ancient city of R’lyeh, she accidentally awakens the slumbering Cthulhu (voiced by Terry Hatcher), The Thing which cannot be described. One look at MacNipperson’s Manolo Blahniks and Cthulhu knows they will be BFF – literally, for all eternity. From Cyclopean masonry and non-Euclidean architecture to Rodeo Drive and Hollywood afterparties, the world is their oyster as these two outrageous debutantes embark on the Final Shopping Spree.

Not to be bitchy about it, but Cameron Diaz is waaaaaay too old to play a debutante! Whereas me? I’m ageless, of course, just like Cthulhu himself!

Passed along by Hez via WipeYourFeet.

In related news, silverstar has passed this lovely image along from NurseMyra’s, but I can’t post it on the blog for fear of getting Adulted again. Nobody wants to see that happen!

The Forgotten Man

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Some of the discussions I’ve been having recently have got me a bit touchy on certain subjects, which some of the quicker on the draw of you may have noticed. This relates to one of them, and William Powell says things so much better than I could that I figure I should just stand back and let him have at it.

From My Man Godfrey, and as true now as it was then. Skip ahead to 2:30-4:00 to watch the real fun:

Sex Sells

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The question is, are you buying?

I forsee different target markets for these two fine celebrity products:

Clay Aiken singing angel music box

Clay Aiken singing angel music box

Oh Come All Ye Faithful indeed. As someone said, this is an historic occasion: the only time Clay Aiken has ever been on top of a box.

The artist’s statement:

I thought about what the average Claymate might appreciate and after careful study, concluded that most are likely to be collectors of the sort of trinkets seen advertised in the back of Ladies Home Journal. There’s a good chance many of them own unicorn figurines, music boxes, frightening dolls, Disney trinkets, or something atrocious by Thomas Kinkade.

Seems logical enough.

Now, the market for the following is rather different. Looks like ScarJo here doesn’t have the net savvy of, say, a David Hasselhoff; she’s let a mangy old cybersquatter offer her up like Miley Cyrus on a platter to the reader who can send the filthiest email. Then again: it might be the real thing. We all know how she loves her email buddies!

Scarjo is ready when you are!

Scarjo is ready when you are!

The Gossip Blogging Industry Summed Up in One Sentence

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Superstar Hits!

Superstar Hits!

From WebstersIsMyBitch:

I’ve been hard on Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon for a few months now because those assholes don’t make sex tapes, don’t cheat, don’t drink to excess in public, and don’t murder people, which makes my job a lot more difficult.

Precisely. This is why people with their shit together can make great actors, but lousy celebrities. THIS is the true Amy Winehouse Principle.

I have a theory that when someone recognizes your work before your face, you’re an artist; when someone recognizes your face before your work, you’re a celebrity. This came to me one day when I passed BB King‘s tour bus and said to my friend “I don’t think I even know what BB King looks like” and I didn’t notice BB King standing right there because, you see, I didn’t know what he looked like.

Sorry, BB. All you had to do was play a note and I’d have genuflected. BB King and Bono are perfect examples of each side of this equation, although they are equally talented.