Category Archives: Politics

Howl of the Covid Briefing Bingo

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Today’s briefing is brought to you by: the 1988 Paul Naschy wolfman movie Howl of the Devil. And by mercifully late starts as one waits for the coffee to brew. Today, as we “enjoy” intermittent flurries, it is a particularly low-energy day, and neither for the first nor the last time I wish I had my trusty espresso machine by my side.

The ‘puter is being super-laggy today, so that’s great. 2020 is 2020ing. I should take some of that juicy CERB and put it towards another machine. If only there were some “made in Canuckistan” ones with no Chinese parts. Oh well, I’m generally doing pretty well on that Boycott China thing. And hey, found my new Christmas cards already:

Charlie Brown has gone full “Fuck around and find out.”

But to the Briefing! Here are all our Briefing Bingo cards. Play one or play them all. Or play an idiosyncratic subset. The hell I care?

And all the previous bingo episodes are on the Briefing Bingo Category page. 

Mark your “starts more than ten minutes late” and “My aunt calls during the briefing” and “Reporter sits in the front row,” a reporter I’m not entirely sure is wearing pants. Choose the colour of your leggings carefully, people!

Here we go:

At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. The prime minister is joined by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, the deputy chief public health officer.
Actually, I DO recommend that mashup

The Related Video list for today’s CPAC #Covid19 Briefing from YouTube is a thing of beauty and consternation. Madonna’s “Dress You Up”, noir jazz which is the perfect 2020 soundtrack, and a mashup that begins with the immortal words “Okay, are you ready to go? Let’s start this motherfucker up.” Took the words right out of my mouth. By all means, let us do even so.

CBC is so passive-aggressive. They literally couldn’t be more Canadian if they tried. Just take a look at the thumbnail on their version of the live coverage. Compare and contrast to the CPAC one in the video up there.

Cheery opening to the briefing, and by “cheery” I mean bleak because it’s #2020, with new record high diagnosis rates in several provinces and Nunavut too. “Begins in English” square active. And a story about “Jonathon” in Ontario (hello Doug Ford, are you listening?) who values the economy, but values the lives of his friends and family more. Be like Jonathon. And Trudeau reminds people that doing the best things to protect friends and family is also doing the best thing to protect the economy, because dead people don’t buy shit. Well, he only implied that last part. I may be paraphrasing slightly.

And we get another reminder that federal supports to the provinces “are not infinite”. That’s the politest threat you’ll ever hear. Make no mistake: it is a threat.

“Second wave” active now and “Vaccine” and also “CBC cadence” and “app”. Haven’t had the CBC cadence in a long time; seems like I’m not the only person whose batteries are running down.

Speaking of apps:

https://twitter.com/gatzby_/status/1328836860349612035
https://twitter.com/gatzby_/status/1328837163765559296
https://twitter.com/redmcgraw1/status/1328695179071647745

302192 cases and 11000 deaths so far says Dr. Tam. 6.6 positive rate, which is gruesome and three times the rate of the spring. And the disease is spreading more in the elderly too, in co-op living, long term care homes, and hospitals. Full info on the Health website.

Oh, now we are apparently “planking” the curve. We were just “bending” it last week. I like bending better; it sounds like a surf movie. Planking sounds like work.

Mark off your “Dr. Tam’s red and black jacket” square and “Begins in English” and “Blue Suit” for Trudeau, from back when the briefing cards only included him because we all thought this would be over before shirtsleeves weather, and what fools we were. Ah, how innocent!

In Other Yet Simultaneous Conversation news, nothing I like better than getting thrown into a Twittercanoe about TERFs that resulted from a misunderstanding that could have been cleared up in 30 seconds if they talked to the person who made the error. So productive. MUTE CONVERSATION.

Question time:

Mark your “Touches face” square. And there’s a “Sorry” in there too.

Beautiful question about Scheer hiring his inlaws and the inlaws hiring his family. Bunted by Trudeau back to the Conservatives. “Shades the Tories” square active. And “Shades Harper” as well.

I HATE that I’m about to defend Andrew Scheer hiring his wife’s sister on any level, but here goes. There’s what’s allowable within the rules and what isn’t, and then there’s what bothers us and smells bad and what doesn’t. These are, importantly, different things. #cdnpoli 1/6

Yasmin Ratansi hiring her own sister was outside the rules as written. That’s a bright line. Scheer hiring his wife’s sister – we may not like it, but he hasn’t literally violated the rule. Is the line arbitrary and stupid? Maybe. But the difference still matters. #cdnpoli 2/6

There’s always going to be outrage and finger-pointing in the gray areas. We’ll never agree when it’s debatable, and partisanship will always rule the day. So we need, at absolutely minimum, to agree that when someone steps over a bright line rule that’s different. #cdnpoli 3/6

Call out Scheer if you want, call out Poilievre and others for their hiring and their hypocrisy. Have at it. But don’t obliterate the difference between inside the rules and outside the rules as you do it. The damage you’ll cause goes far beyond partisanship. #cdnpoli 4/6

Rules matter because they’re objective. Only people utterly determined to deny reality (coughTRUMPcough) fail to acknowledge them. If the rules suck then we make better rules. We don’t argue that the rules are unimportant or meaningless. That’s a death spiral. #cdnpoli 5/6

Without agreement that rules matter, all we’ve got left is a competition to be most outraged. And be outraged if you want, perhaps with good cause! Just don’t forget or deny that violating the actual rule, and outrage over a perceived wrong, are not the same thing. #cdnpoli 6/6

Originally tweeted by Jeff Rybak🍁😷 (@JeffRybak) on November 17, 2020.

Late-breaking update, OOOOH POPCORN TIME!

dis gon be gud

I really do need a square for “Fails to translate the answer”. Cuz my French is still ass. And you can just SEE my English.

Also “Snowbirds” needs to be on the next card. Florida is, clearly, the hill on which many Ontario seniors choose to die. It’s not THAT nice. Should we accept that request from the Turks and Caicos to take them over, turn Canada into an imperial power, just so we can have a safe and Canadian-government-run warm place to send our dimmer elders for a few months each year? Because when they go to Florida they bring all those nasty Murikkan cooties back with them.

And people wonder why I want to go back to BC

But seriously, isn’t that just what Victoria is for?

In related news, when some of those snowbirds returned in the spring, they apparently returned to entire communities they were barred by law from entering (see below). Maybe, I dunno, buy a real house if you’re rich enough to have more than one? These people bought houses in wintery zones that are not winter-proofed; apparently they rely on being able to leave the country when the weather changes. And when the epidemiological weather changed, their gated communities shut their gates against them.

https://twitter.com/RobbieCanuk/status/1328751623858958337

“Drinks water” square now active. And “From the beginning” too. Good question about the reluctance to mandate a lockdown. There’s your “Gesticulates” square, Very Low Energy Day continues.

Random thought: Are masks with amusing words on them today’s slogan tees? Will we see articles about how unprofessional they are soon in Working Woman magazine? (spoiler alert: we will not, because it folded years ago)

A bit late with this, but mark your “Strenuous nod” square on the sixth generation card. Trudeau, not Freeland this time. Too bad: she’s an outstanding nodder, as well as a sharp dresser and probably the finance minister who will bring in UBI for Canadians.

Am I stanning? I feel like I’m stanning. < /stanning >

Oh yes, there’s your “Swaps out sign language interpreters” square. Did I already say “Second Wave” square is active? Mark it if you haven’t already. This damn computer is so laggy after the last upgrades that I’ll have to come up with a different way to do this next time. There’s your “Pushes responsibility to provinces” and “PPE” squares.

Multiple references to Christmas, so mark your “religious holiday” square, like twenty times. You just know if the Tories had a handy Jewish person they’d make a stink about the lack of other holidays mentioned, but they don’t and we all know it. There are Reasons For Things.

And Trudeau’s out. There’s your “Maple Leaf Accessory” and “Wears Mask” from the first generation card. And “Brown shoes with blue suit WHICH IS JUST MORALLY WRONG”. Justin, my late mother wants to have a word with you. She’s not so much angry as disappointed. The camera followed him out, but nobody was speaking, so no square for you!

Dr. Tam is “pushing responsibility to provinces” like a pro. But after six months, she IS a pro at this. We do need more uniformity across provinces and territories in the medical realm and PARTICULARLY in the coverage aspect. And mark your “Touches microphone” square too.

And Dr. Njoo is giving you his trademark “button down Oxford shirt” so mark that square. “Gesticulates with a pen” needs to be on the next bingo card for sure.

Dr Njoo’s pin looks an awful lot like a Mont Order pin. Weird. I rather doubt he’s part of the Order. Of course we have “Someone wears glasses” because Dr. Njoo is there.

That’s good. Testing at a higher rate than usual for the flu, but we’ve got a vastly lower rate of infection this year, in part because of the uptake in vaccinations, which reminds me to get mine. And mark your “Flu vaccine” square.

YAY! Mark your “Hockey” square FINALLY! ‘Bout time this was CANADA, amirite?

And now a question about how while the initially projected deaths 9 months ago were estimated to be around 10,000, we now have 11,000, something referred to as “a massive difference.” Well, uh. I’m on the fence. Was that a “Stupid gotcha question” or not? After all, the difference between 10,000 and 11,000 is only one thousand, not “massive.” I need to add a square for “Dr Tam explains basic science and/or math and/or logic”. She does it really well, too.

Dr Njoo makes a good point about Covid fatigue changing all the other risk factors. People know about masks and distancing, but they’re emotionally exhausted and deliberately saying “Fuckit. Fuckit just a little bit, just this once. Again.” I may be paraphrasing slightly.

And mark your “Technical difficulties” square as my internet briefly went down. Like I need yet another issue.

And we’re done. I’ll review later tonight and add in all the squares I missed because of logistical issues. It really doesn’t work to tab back and forth between the video. For once in my life I want another monitor, like a gamer.

And now for a slightly different perspective on the questions:

Its stupid question time! Up first Globe n Mail and of course stupid Scheer question. Follow up so so but still hoping Trudeau plays to hedes which he doesnt. Nat Post, decent yet rambling Q on rcmp, with crap interjection in middle, but eventually finishes Q ( simply your position on rcmp info report would do) follow up on recommendations ( after review of course). cdn press, oh good grief, do your homework, believe those supply chains set up under harper shipbuilding and davie bankrupt at time, but hey good work ..lol follow up, sigh cpc huawei bs, good grief, tho brings up michaels, ps PM not gonna negotiate in media. Cdn press anglo, oh boy snowbird Q, can you comment on stupid morons please ( ignoring travel advisory posted, but please attack cdns for good headline). Ctv now, holy shit stupid framing, and the old lets ask 3 Qs rolled in one, please ignore jurisdiction and provs refusing to give ok to feds, are you afraid, cripes like the girl on school yard screaming Fight fight fight you chicken.. Radio canada cppa act, oh this seems like good q, but doesn’t seem well asked but anglo translation could be reason for that. Star – Qs about vaccines, good Q and first one on vaccines, not designed for clickbait hedes. @raincoaster card must be filled by now.

Originally tweeted by Lori King (@1loriking) on November 17, 2020.

I haven’t actually gone through the cards to see what’s been filled out and what has not been (That’s YOUR job YES YOU) but it sounds like a good project I could do while knitting or doomscrolling, so why not? I am sure we have ONE line completed, but I’d put good money down that we’ve not completed any of the cards in its entirety. I mean, we got “Blue Steel” once, but we’re never gonna get “Ascot” are we? Or “Attack and Dethrone God?” Anarchists the world over are praying for that one; but to whom? I asks yez.

I don’t know why I even try. I’m NEVER getting an rt.

And you have no answers for me. None of us have the answers.

Meanwhile, in the US:

https://twitter.com/disclosetv/status/1328761505102356484
Frankenstein's Bloody Terror poster

Frankenstein’s Covid Briefing Bingo

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Three in one week, kittens! Three Covid briefings in a single week! For fans of the bingo, this is great news; for fans of public health and individual well-being, not so great news.

Covid-19 is definitely a case of “no news is good news,” at least in countries where the government is not in the Fake News business every day, on purpose, as a matter of policy and a perfect expression of everything it stands for. Jesus! Where will it end? How low do you have to stoop in that country to be President?

Yet again, we should listen to Linus. And Descartes.

Meanwhile, in the US:

https://twitter.com/jasonintrator/status/1327349611271434240

Sorry, where was I?

Right, I was about to explain that I’m pre-blogging some of this in order to make sure we’re ready to go tomorrow at 11:30am precisely, whereupon we will all sit around waiting for five or ten minutes like usual. And that today’s episode is brought to you by the Paul Naschy classic Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror, the foundational Wolf Man movie, which you must admit has a schlock-o-riffic trailer, to say nothing of the poster.

The face that launched a million silver bullets

We got bored, kittens. Bored, and angry. And you wouldn’t like us when we are bored and angry. People were sharing our cards around without giving credit to your ever-so-humble-and-forgiving blogger, and you know what that does to us. But instead of bothering you, we simply sulked around the house all day annoying the roommate, huffing loudly, and updating the briefing bingo cards so that they all contain an active hyperlink to this very blog. Just try and share those around Slack without crediting the source NOW!

Ahem. Where was I? Other than arbitrarily using the glamorous second-person plural, the Eva Gabor of pronouns? About to tell you a long, involved joke about a screenwriter with writer’s block and an elf who comes to his rescue and what happens when the elf asks for credit, because writers are super touchy about credit, but sorry, where was I?

Oh right, about to post the game cards:

And all the previous bingo episodes are on the Briefing Bingo Category page. Earlier ones have the content in the comments section, because we were trying something new, okay? Not every experiment has to work out, OKAY?

Whew. Can you tell it’s been 12 hours since I had a coffee?

Our cast of characters for today are:

  • Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (so posh he has TWO Twitter accounts)
  • Minister of Employment, Workforce Development and Disability Inclusion Carla Qualtrough
  • Chief Public Health Officer of Canada Dr. Theresa Tam
  • Deputy Chief Public Health Officer of Canada Dr. Howard Njoo (either a non- or a stealth-tweeter)
  • And President of the Queen’s Privy Council and Minister of Intergovernmental Affairs Dominic Leblanc

And here they are:

At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau makes an announcement and provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined by federal ministers Carla Qualtrough (employment, workforce development and disability inclusion) and Dominic LeBlanc (intergovernmental affairs), as well as Dr. Theresa Tam (Canada’s chief public health officer) and Dr. Howard Njoo (the deputy chief public health officer).

Okay, let’s do this!

Before everyone arrives you can mark off “someone appears by video screen.” You can mark it off twice, in fact. And also “Starts more than ten minutes late” which is on the sixth generation card if I recall.

And we’re off. I think that’s enough French to tick the “Starts in French”.

Good lord, 1500 cases diagnosed in Ontario, 5000 new cases in Canada. Trudeau says we could be facing 6500 new cases per day in Ontario by mid-December, which is staggering. People, stay the fuck home. Doug Ford, listen to your big buddy.

On a superficial note, tick off your “blue suit” box and “Pushes responsibility to provinces” box. And “Vaccine”. I’m gonna HAVE to put “bend the curve” on the next bingo card. We are apparently no longer “flattening” it. “Bend the curve” sounds like the title of a surfing movie; I bet Trudeau came up with it.

Oh, there’s your “Names Biden” square, is it not? I was not paying close attention because I just remembered my coffee is sitting in the kitchen. Do I have a “Now more than ever” square? If so, mark it.

Everyone’s favourite square, “Finds a new way to give Canadians money”, is active now. And “foreshadows an announcement to be made by someone who is named”, the most awkwardly-named square.

Here is the PM’s post about the details:

The Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, today announced the details of an investment of $1.5 billion in the Workforce Development Agreements (WDAs) with provinces and territories. This investment will help Canadians in underrepresented groups and those in sectors that have been hardest hit by the pandemic – such as construction, transportation, and hospitality – quickly access supports to re-enter the workforce. It could include skills training, on-the-job training, employer-sponsored training, financial assistance and benefits, employment counselling and services, and job opportunities. This funding is in addition to the $3.4 billion provided to provinces and territories in 2020-21 under the WDAs and Labour Market Development Agreements (LMDAs).

Helping Canadians develop the skills they need to find good jobs

Ah, there’s “Flatten the curve” which sounds practically retro in these days of bending it. And “Flu shot” and “app”. Trudeau is all, “for the love of god, people, don’t just download the app, USE IT!”.

I like how Qualtrough has kid’s art on the wall. Tick your “Someone wears glasses” box. Money for training got my attention, for sure. $1.5 billion for job training will certainly make a big difference. Now we’re on to Dr Tam.

55,000 are being tested daily with a roughly 6% positive result. I’ll come back and insert further specifics in a bit. Gotta go grab my coffee.

Yay for Twitter:

Full summary of today’s federal Covid-19 situation is on this page

And yes, this is your fault people: family gatherings, birthday parties, social occasions are how it is spreading and why it’s spiking now. “Layering our protection practices is the best protection.” And mark your “three C’s” square. Dr. Tam hands it over to Dr. Njoo and I dash out to the kitchen to get my coffee.

First question is about gun violence and where’s the long-promised federal money for gun violence prevention. Trudeau avoids answering the specific question and gives a “we continue to fight gun violence and will introduce new legislation.” Second is about how or IF the feds and the premiers are working together, specifically Doug Ford and the federal government; this is your “is the bromance over?” question. Tick the “Bromance” box.

“From the beginning” square active. Next card should have “Whatever it takes, as long as it takes”. And mark your “Throat malfunction” square; is it time for another swabbing, perhaps?

Mark your “Sign language interpreters swapped out” again. Trudeau is now stressing that the federal government can help, but there can be a point where they can no longer, if the rate spikes too much, enough to swamp healthcare. Thus, it’s imperative to flatten or bend or squash or nuke the curve.

Nothing I like better than lag time on the computer that means an entire paragraph is hanging in the ether while the Archons read it, but mere humans cannot. Mark your technical difficulties square.

And there’s “Drinks water”. And I should have a square for “Trudeau fails to translate the answer into the other official language.”

Question about the meeting of the PM and Premiers: why was it not mentioned on the readout. Trudeau says he’s been talking about it for months (implied, weren’t you paying attention?) And mark “PPE” and “From the very beginning” squares.

Question about dirty spy tricks by the Chinese government. Trudeau gives concerned face and talks about “coercive diplomacy”. Mark your “Two Michaels” square. Oooh, mentions the Uighurs. Didn’t think we’d get that. And yeah, I need a square for “Rule of law” because these people are neoliberals after all; it’s gonna be a perennial. I admit, I’m rather proud I could spell “Uighurs” without having to look it up. Yay, my 2/3rds of a degree is paying off!

Nice question about “do the different rising numbers mean different provinces are doing better or worse at dealing with the pandemic” which, duh. Trudeau reiterates the federal government is there to “support” provinces, businesses, citizens. And says provinces need to bring in rules about gatherings and behaviours, best practices, which is the strongest statement yet really. Again he says that we just need to take responsibility; it can’t JUST be up to individuals, but it is significantly up to individuals.

The pressure is clearly on the premiers now to answer to the public for what they have or have not done with the federal money. And Trudeau will always push responsibility to the provinces. He’s all “I can lead that horse to water, but drinking is up to them.”

[editor’s note: “horticulture” joke goes here]

“What we do in the coming days or weeks will determine what we get to do at Christmas.” Mark your “shout out to religious holiday” square. Did you know Trudeau is a Christmas baby? I have a friend who was born on Christmas, and she’s always been annoyed that she’s the one person who’s never had a free meal from Denny’s. And her family cheaps out, only giving her one set of presents rather than two; do you think Trudeau’s ever had a free meal from Denny’s for his birthday?

“Are you satisfied with what the provinces are doing with the federal support money?” Today is “ask questions that make the federal government look good and the provinces look like money-squandering yokels” day.

“We will continue” needs to be a square. Mark your “Mask” and “Maple leaf accessory” squares. And Trudeau is out.

“Winter is coming” should have been a square, oh well. Dr Tam is talking about how challenging it is for individuals to resist the urge to connect face to face with their friends and family. Winter means people will be indoors, air will be recirculated.

And there’s your “Stupid gotcha question” and Dr. Tam’s response is basically “This is how science works.” And “We answered this previously, but we’ll be happy to forward you the references if you want.”

If there was a drug that made you impassive in the face of hostile stupidity to a Dr Tam level, I would take it.

Now a question about how measles is spiking around the world, a good reminder that Dr. Tam is not just in charge of the Covid response. She says we haven’t seen a spike here, and reiterates that vaccinations are important. Follow-up question about home testing kits for Covid, and mark your “rapid testing” square. Dr. Tam says that tests are only of use after you get sick, and she’d rather focus on the prevention. “It is not a substitution for the other measures. I think we should look at everything, but right now it’s not an option that’s available.”

Question about why, given the negative outlook, the PM is talking about the possibility of people getting together for Christmas. Dr. Tam says “you can have a fun safe holiday connection if you do it safely.” and is VERY doubtful we can have a regular Christmas. “No one is advocating parties,” she says.

Holy shit, that reminds me: my Christmas ghost story anthology was supposed to have been out last month, but I can’t even finish it because of the Covid closures.

“Do you still trust the Ontario government to make these kinds of decisions?” oooh that’s the most pointed question I’ve ever heard at one of these briefings. Dr Njoo says “Our job is to look at the science and give our advice and recommendations to our political masters, and I’m sure that’s what is happening on the provincial level.”

I was wondering if Minister Leblanc would get to speak. Seems a waste to have him sitting there, not even giving a speechette/blurb. But now he gets one. My French is not good enough to follow it, but YAY thanks to random internet connections on gossip sites, I now have my very own French tutor! Bilingualism shall be mine again!

Mark the “rapid tests” square. Dr. Tam says that the country has deployed 3.8 million but doesn’t have the provincial breakouts off the top of her head.

Q: “Can you be more vivid about the consequences of 10,000 cases a day?” Even The Roommate has to laugh out loud at that. Um. Wow. Dr Tam responds we’re at close to 5000 a day now, we’re scaling back on routine surgery, concerned about ICU resources. Healthcare workers are already exhausted. She and Dr Njoo say, “Just look at Europe.” Nobody wants to be Northern Italy in the spring of 2020, for sure.

https://twitter.com/altabellebf/status/1327310718081720320
https://twitter.com/altabellebf/status/1327313549929005057
All of those things, of course, are provincial political responsibilities, not federal medical ones

Dammit, I’ve got as square for “Hockey” but but not one for “Basketball” despite it having been invented a few miles away. Question is about the Raptors being clear they want to play games at home. Dr. Tam says Dr. Njoo is the sports expert, hands the question off to him saying, “The ball is in your court” which gets an audible laugh, which, also, should be a square. I better get working on the Seventh Generation square.

And we’re done.

Lucy sez: fuck around and find out

The Beast and the Covid Briefing Bingo

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I thought it was better this way than The Covid Briefing Bingo and the Magic Sword: YMMV

So, here we are again, a scant 25.5 hours after the last briefing.

Panta Rhei

Heraclitus of Ephesus

Today’s briefing is named after the rare Paul Naschy movie that I have yet to see, The Beast and the Magic Sword. And my day began at 6am, when I got a calendar reminder for a book launch occurring at the same time as the briefing, so that’s great. Hopefully I can watch the Zoom later.

And then continued, after a short, fitful doze, with a phonecall from some rando in Bangladesh. I don’t know anyone in Bangladesh, so I’m choosing to believe this was a call from the office of the Prime Minister of Bangladesh, concerned lest I sleep through another Covid briefing. They’re big Covid Briefing Bingo fans in Bangladesh, you know. So I gave up and got up.

And in universe-upending news, I can’t find the CPAC livestream, so today we’re going with the CBC video instead. Practicing my French will have to wait. Good thing the coffee’s ready; this is way too much disruption to handle in one morning.

Play one card or play them all to win fabulous, completely imaginary prizes:

And here’s our video, which starts late, as usual.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and cabinet ministers give an update on Canada’s PPE, testing and vaccines. Chief Public Health Officer of Dr. Theresa Tam and Deputy Chief Public Health Officer Dr. Howard Njoo will be in attendance. To read more: https://www.cbc.ca/1.5796310

Oh, and soooper, I have internet problems, so this should go well. Mercury is OUT of retrograde, isn’t it? Even in Nepean?

Okay, we’ve got “rapid tests” and “Pushes responsibility to provinces” and “Grey suit” and “Poppy” so far. I’ll pop back in and do a summary of the contents later, when my internet stops fucking with me. Okay, I’m back and doing that now. Trudeau begins the briefing by stressing that reducing the spread of the pandemic is up to each of us. The federal government can and will do only so much, but it won’t interfere with what individual provinces are doing, although he HEAVILY IMPLIES you should be way more cautious than certain provinces are being. On which note, there’s this rather horrifying update:

GM is an American company, as is Pfizer, so that does NOT give you “Names specific Canadian company”. No squares for you!

And the new money for veterans is “Finds a new way to give Canadians money” as well as “Foreshadows an announcement to be made later”. And a reminder that this year’s Remembrance Day ceremonies will be online, if they happen at all. I’ll never forget being in the Cambie pub and watching the parade go by. Everyone in that dive, including the people who were well past the point of standing by that time in the morning, stood up and raised their beers to the soldiers passing by.

And now it’s already “later” because here we are at the announcement by Minister MacAulay. Everybody theoretically supports veterans, but now it’s time for shit to get real. Here are some details from the Veteran’s site.

Non-profit and charitable Veterans organizations are experiencing a critical loss of charitable and fundraising revenues as a direct result of COVID-19, and are at risk of not being able to maintain their operations.

Veterans organizations play a critical role in the lives and well-being of Veterans and their families, as well as the communities in which they are located. They support homeless and disabled Veterans and play a crucial role in helping the Department fulfill its mandate. The Veterans Organizations Emergency Support Fund provides grants to non-profit and registered charitable organizations that support Veterans and their families. The grants will help organizations with operational costs and financial shortfalls caused by the COVID-19 pandemic. If your organization is facing significant financial hardship as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, you may be eligible for funding.

Veterans Organizations Emergency Fund

And there’s your “PPE” square. Like eight times, along with “Vaccine”. And “Rapid test” which we had earlier as well. The next briefing card is going to be dry af, because it will be all “Logistics” and “Shovel-ready” and suchlike.

We also have “Audio issues” throughout the video. And now we’re on to Dr. Tam and the statistics, average daily case count is over 3,000. Soooooooper. People, if you really can’t live without spending time with other people, maybe try harder to keep them alive!

That positive rate is half what it was last week Nope I misread. It’s up, and twice the average since the start of the pandemic.

There’s your “Three C’s” square. “Nobody knows layering like Canadians in Winter,” says Dr. Tam and this is just objectively true. And now mark your “My aunt calls during the briefing” square.

Reading between the lines (and my reading comprehension is iffy even ON the lines themselves, but hey-ho, everybody’s a pundit these days; Thanks, Twitter!) it seems like the federal government is saying,

“Look, we’ve done all we can do for you people without hurting our chances in the next election. Your premiers aren’t going to save, you, CLEARLY. They think the economy is better off with more dead Canadians. Some of them appear to be absolutely stone-cold batshit insane, in fact, so this is on you. Stay home. Mask up. For the love of god, stop killing off people just so you don’t have to eat a fucking third-rate cheeseburger by yourself.”

I may be paraphrasing a bit.

Oh right, here’s what he actually said:

With rising cases of COVID-19 here at home, there’s added pressure on all orders of government to keep people safe and to protect jobs.

But I would hope that no leader in our country is easing public health vigilance because they feel pressure not to shut down businesses or slow down our economy.

I understand that worry, but let me tell you: that’s how we end up with businesses going out of business and the economy damaged even more.

Beating COVID is the only way to protect our economy.

Prime Minister’s remarks on the COVID-19 situation and support for Veterans

And all of these references to Remembrance Day count as “Shout-out to non-religious holiday” although if you’re in a military family you’re allowed to tick off the “Religious holiday” square too. Because OBVIOUS REASONS that’s why.

Woohoo, Dr. Njoo gives us “Button Down Oxford” so mark that one off. I’m unreasonably excited for this, because I’ve been locked down with The Roommate and his endless television reruns for the past eight thousand months, and am starved for entertainment.

Good questions from @LeDevoir about why, if we can release people from immigration detention centres during the pandemic, why can’t we do it all the time. And it gets a “Covid makes things hard, we’re focused on the pandemic” response. Which I’m definitely going to use the next time the Roommate asks why I haven’t washed the dishes.

This whole briefing is one big “Pushes responsibility to provinces” really. It’s like Trudeau is passive-aggressively using the briefing to avoid having a Hard Conversation with his buddy Doug Ford.

And there we have “Sign language interpreter is swapped out”. The next bingo card should have “Challenges” on it, for sure. Maybe “Do the right thing” too.

And there you go, “Drinks water” square. Trudeau reassures the reporter and the citizens that invoking the Emergency Act is not a family tradition. Well, that’s a relief. I already had “Stock up for emergency lockdown” in my calendar for 2050; I wonder which Trudeau will be Hereditary Prime Minister then.

There’s “From the very beginning” and “Avoids mentioning Trump” when asked if he had any “unfinished business with the current President”. Which we all know he has plenty. And “Mentions Biden by name” which looks like it’ll be a regular in the briefing.

Meanwhile, in the US, the fascists just fucking went ahead and did it:

And Minister Anand “Mentions reporter by name” so mark that square. And yes, mark “Someone appears via video”.

And there’s your “Shades Harper” square. Love that one.

The Ratanzi case is god’s gift to the Tories, but it caught them so much by surprise that they haven’t had the chance to take advantage of it. Yet. They’ve put all their hopes in the “Scandal” basket rather than the “Issues” basket.

And now we have the “Gesticulates” square in spades. And the reporter tries to nail Trudeau down to comment on Alberta and Ontario, which he completely ignores in favour of national generalizations.

“From the very beginning” is now active. But come on, there needs to be a national mental health solution. Not “oh, there are lots of charities, try them”. And Trudeau is out, and yes, “Camera follows Trudeau out even though someone else is speaking.”

Dr. Tam gets a question which relates to my interests directly: what does science tell us about transmission aboard airliners. She says they have not received a report of transmission aboard an airliner at this point, which is better than I thought.

On a less serious note, Dr. Tam gives you your “Florals” square for her top. It’s hard to see behind the sign, but it’s definitely a floral print. On a more serious note, Dr. Tam and Minister Ananad are pretty excellent at explaining the challenges to dealing with the pandemic from a logistical and scientific perspective.

And thats’s a wrap. I’ll be back later to review the video and add what I missed, so check back in a couple of hours.

Meanwhile, in the US.

Assignment Terror

Assignment Covid-19 Briefing Bingo

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Once again, Linus knows his shit.

Yes, I’m late. After all these months of limbo I actually forgot how to set an alarm properly, and set it for tomorrow instead of today, so I slept right through the announcement this morning. Which was at 10am: who’s awake at 10am, I ask you? Civil servants and medical personnel and the kids who work the drive-thru, that’s about it these days. And sad, lonely bus drivers with 80 empty seats and no one to talk to. No one.

Ahem. That’s A Mood, isn’t it? Anyway, we’re here now, so we’re doing this.

Play one card or play them all to win fabulous, completely imaginary prizes:

Today’s bingo is named after Assignment Terror, probably the second-worst Paul Naschy monster movie. And here’s your CPAC video.

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau makes an announcement and responds to questions from reporters. He is joined by federal ministers Navdeep Bains (innovation, science and industry), Catherine McKenna (infrastructure), Maryam Monsef (women and gender equality and rural economic development), and Pablo Rodriguez (the government House leader). The Prime Minister announces that the federal government will invest 1.75 billion dollars to connect under-served areas to high-speed Internet by 2026. This is additional funding of $750 million to the $1 billion originally announced in the 2019 budget. Justin Trudeau also comments on his congratulatory message to U.S. President-Elect Joe Biden following the latter’s election win. The Prime Minister discusses the news that the vaccine developed by Pfizer and BioNTech may be 90 % effective in preventing COVID-19 infections. He states that this vaccine should be available in the first three months of 2021,and that it would first be given to priority populations.

Dang, I can’t tell on these screens whether that’s a blue suit or a grey one. I’m in a generous mood, so if you have one marked but not the other, mark the one you don’t have. If you don’t have either, take a look and let me know what colour you think it is in the comments.

“Shovel-ready” is a good option for the next card.

I do not have ANY squares relating to the internet, nor any “Shows hope for the United States” because who saw that coming, but it’s an interesting briefing anyway. Trudeau sends congratulations to Biden and Harris and the United States, mentions the message of inclusion and diversity inherent in the election of Kamala Harris.

And then a discussion of the importance of the internet which, here we all are, aren’t we? Well, the few who are not soon will be, with the expansion of high-speed internet to isolated areas. My friends in Keremeos had to wait six months for a connection at all, and in Tofino I figured our best bet was satellite, with a startup cost of $1500. This low orbit satellite program sounds very interesting. The $1.75 billion broadband fund will make a huge difference.

And excellent news on the vaccine front:

Pfizer says an early peek at its vaccine data suggests the shots may be 90 per cent effective at preventing COVID-19, indicating the company is on track later this month to file an emergency use application with U.S. regulators. The vaccine is among seven that Canada has pre-ordered.

CBC

Other than the suit colour, of course the first square active is your “Wears mask” square. Mark your “Maple Leaf accessory” square, your “Someone appears by video” and “Begins in English”. And right away, “App.” And “Biden mentioned by name” which is on the sixth generation card. “A specific Canadian business is mentioned” as well. Oooh, and “Avoids mentioning Trump by name”.

And “Someone is wearing glasses”. As a glasses-wearer, I’m glad to see it. #BringingGlassesBack And poppies all over the place, mark that square too.

Oooh, Justin Ling did not come to play. I like that reporter. He’s got a very pointed question about the human rights violations in the federal solitary confinement system. He’s got all the details: the system has not changed, and it is incompatible with the changes proposed. The response is equal parts deft and mealy-mouthed, and 100% meaningless.

“The Two Michaels” square is active thanks to CTV’s reporter. Trudeau gives the same lecture about China’s bullying and punitive imprisonment that he gives every time.

I like that Trudeau refers to “The current US president” and “The American government” and absolutely will not say the man’s name. “Ozymandias” square would be active, if it existed.

And “Drinks water” square is active. And “swaps out sign language interpreters” so that’s apparently not a lunch-related thing. Is it an exhausting physical activity? I can’t imagine it’s that much more tiring than simply being Italian and engaging in conversation, but what do I know? Can anyone with expertise weigh in on this?

Oh yeah, we have a “Facial hair” square. So obviously that one’s active. He said “Pardon” but it was in French, and I only have a square for “Sorry” in English, so I’m going to be a hardass and say no, you don’t get that one this time.

And there we have “Concerned Priest Hand Clasp” and “Gesticulates”. Again, just thumb gesticulation, but it counts.

Reporter asks Trudeau if he is not personally responsible for the atrocities occurring in long term care homes, which come the fuck on! That gets us a placid “Pushes responsibility to provinces”. Definitely mark your “stupid gotcha question” square, for that and this:

Another question about Trump, and another response that does not mention him by name. These questions just let Trudeau stare deeply into the camera and murmur “My job is to protect Canadians” and the camera just swoons. Honestly, he should tip the reporters for that question every time. Reporters could use the occasional fifty bucks.

I said Fifty. Times are tough, my dude. Newsboy caps don’t buy themselves, you know.

And there we go, “donc.” God, I love that word. Trudeau is out, but for once the camera does not follow him out.

Minister Bains says “competition” will keep the price of the high speed internet down. Of course, it hasn’t done that so far; at one time Canada had the most affordable broadband in the world, but now it’s one of the most expensive places. So this $1.75 billion is going to go to Canadian and foreign companies, but it’s NOT going to help individuals afford the internet. And the whole “rely on capitalism to do the best for you all” is bullshit; if capitalism worked this way, we would not need the government at all.

Probably the last square you get “Reiterates the border will stay closed.” I wonder if that fiberoptic loop in Yellowknife will EVER get used; it was installed years ago, but the local internet company didn’t want it competing with them, so they simply refused to connect it to the internet, and the government just went “Yeah, okay, I guess.” And it lies there still, unused. Perhaps it will never be used.

Interesting. I was not aware of the $10 a month internet plan. And of course there are still freenets around: apparently there are over 300 people in Ottawa still on dialup. I learned that at digital democracy day which, ironically, was only advertised online, ie it was designed so that it could not reach ANY of the people it was designed to help. Nonetheless it was considered to be a great success and there was a very nice afterparty at Shopify.

And that’s a wrap. And A Mood. See you next time.

this ain't right

Curse of the Covid Briefing Bingo

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So, here we are kittens. Still naming these after Paul Naschy werewolf movies; in this case, Curse of the Devil or El Retorno de Walpurgis in the original. Why?

Because it’s 2020 and nothing makes sense anymore, that’s why.

El Retorno de Covid Briefing Bingo might have been a better title.

So.

Today we announce our brand spanking new Sixth Generation Covid Briefing Bingo Card, featuring even more ensemble-oriented content. And hey, do me a favour: if you’re sharing these cards around, oh, I dunno, some random Canadian civil servant Slack or the like, maybe include a link to this blog, eh? Because it’s only right and good to credit the creator and last time we had something like 600 downloads and only 45 hits on the blog, and that JUST AIN’T RIGHT, PEOPLE!

It ain’t right.

it ain’t and you know it

Play one card or play them all to win fabulous, completely imaginary prizes:

and here is our video from CPAC. Love how the person in charge of pre-loading these videos always says that it will go live at 420. Somebody has a sense of humour.

At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined by federal ministers Navdeep Bains (innovation, science and industry) and Dominic LeBlanc (intergovernmental affairs), as well as Dr. Theresa Tam (Canada’s chief public health officer) and Dr. Howard Njoo (the deputy chief public health officer).

You can mark off your “Someone appears via videoscreen” square, and don’t neglect the new squares on the Sixth generation card. And we’ve got “Wears brown shoes with a blue suit WHICH IS JUST MORALLY WRONG”. And also “Audio issues” because the sound and video are not synched up.

Also “Begins in English, and “Maple Leaf Accessory.” I’m not so sure about that tie. It looks like something a preschooler would pick out, but it probably cost more than my day rate.

Does an extension of an existing program count as “Finds a new way to give Canadians money”? What the hell, mark it.

“Calgary” sounds funny in French. It just does, people. Funnier even than “Saskatchewan”. Listen for yourself.

Bains NEVER blinks. I mean, never ever blinks. That’s a great colour combination, that oxblood and grey. “Building back better” there you go. Minister Bains comes through for you.

3350+ new cases diagnosed daily, and an average of 44 deaths per day. And a vaccine is expected in early 2021. Good news there. Dr. Tam explains how limited supplies of vaccines will be parceled out to medical workers, etc, first.

There you go, “The Three C’s” which is on the 6th generation card. I knew we’d get it. Oh, and look: Dr. Njoo’s poppy is different. We have poppy diversity! #PeakCanada

Interesting, everyone is wearing their masks at the desk except when they are speaking. That’s new, and seems wise; analogous to wearing your mask in a restaurant when you’re not eating.

And we get “Drinks water” and “Addresses reporter by name. We still have that weird de-synch between audio and video, but it’s much less distracting when one is typing. AHA! “Someone says ‘sorry'” square active. Most Canadian square ever!

And Trudeau now mentions that he’s trying to wear a mask whenever possible, like when sitting on a panel not talking.

And there we have “donc” so mark that square. I love that word. Who knows why? And now mark off “Dr Njoo doesn’t wear his glasses.” I didn’t honestly think we’d ever get that square, but here it is! Who says this game isn’t exciting and fast-paced?

Yep, mark off your “Sign language interpreters swapped out” which appears to happen at 12 every day. Prolly a union thing.

Industrial Workers of the World Unite!

Oh come ON! My French is improving, but it’s not good enough to handle a question and answer neither of which are translated. Thanks, moderator, for catching it shortly after this question that I completely missed.

I’m going to count this question Dr Tam is answering as “Pushes responsibility to provinces” because she’s always asked why she doesn’t lay down national rules about Covid-19. The answer doesn’t change.

Trudeau looks very serious when asked about the European report on the US election, but he gives you a Very Serious No Comment, which is basically what he does every time, with varying degrees of seriousness.

“What do you need to see before Canada congratulates the winner”? That’s a great question from the CBC. Trudeau replies that he’s going to wait “until the outcome is sufficiently clear” which is pretty wishy washy. But you know he’s going to wait till after it’s official. Canada always does.

The Whole Foods anti-poppy question is asked. The Minister of Veteran’s Affairs has contacted them directly. And Trudeau frames it as “a mistake” which he suggests will be “quickly corrected” but he won’t make a law about it.

It’s hard to tell with the chyron there and the sign, but I think we have “Concerned Priest Hand Clasp” so mark that off as well as “Gesticulates” on the “where are the jobs?” question.

Meanwhile, in DMs, I have like eight different people trying to get my attention RIGHT NOW:

I’m not going to count “Building back better” as alliteration, although it IS alliteration. But it’s already a square and it’s pretty common. I can be a hardass sometimes. Oh, and mark “From the very beginning” which is I think on the first card.

For the Seventh Generation card, I should have a square for “I forget my coffee in the kitchen” because guess what happened?

“Camera follows Trudeau out of the room although someone else is speaking” mark that square.

The virus does not survive on cotton very long, Dr Tam is impressed. And so am I, because cotton is cheap af.

Minister Leblanc is not going to get a chance to speak. I’m going to go ahead and call this “Technical difficulties,” so mark that square off. Dr. Tam really gets into a groove when explaining pure science like aerosol spread etc.

Original sign language interpreters are back. Yes, pretty sure they swap out so they can have a half an hour for lunch.

Oh, Minister Leblanc does get a chance to speak. So un-mark your “Technical difficulties” square. We were hasty. As was he, I mean look at that tie. Just look at it.

Dr Njoo stresses that the #Covid19 vaccines, when they become available, will be free to all Canadians. Now there’s a question from CP: why testing numbers have fallen by 10,000 a day. Dr Njoo speculates that it’s because we are now testing only certain people rather than inviting everyone to be tested.

Interesting question about the cost of additional security measures for MP’s. They are apparently NOT RCMP so who? Minister Leblanc declines comment “The most effective security measures are those which are not discussed publically”. Hard to disagree with that.

Aight, that’s the end of the press conference. You can see the whole thing collated on the website, and WITH my glorious featured image, which Twitter hates and will not show you because it’s too awesome.