$7,000 is your basic starting bid, apparently.
But maybe Wisconsin virgins are just pricier than Oklahoma ones.
APPLETON, Wis. Apr 21, 2006 (AP)— A man raising his 18-month-old daughter alone tried to sell the little girl for $7,000 so he could make improvements to his house, police said Friday.
And, apparently, selling the info. While you may think, particularly if you have any familiarity with the morass of self-cutting Angelina Jolie fans and desperate housewives who make up the bulk of LiveJournal users, that there is nothing whatsoever of value there, you'd be wrong.
Moods are worth money.
MoodViews keeps tabs on the "mood tags" Live Journal bloggers often use on approximately 150,000 diary entries every day.
The software has found that the tag "drunk" is most often used on weekends and that "lonely" and "loved" are both common on Valentine's Day, New Scientist reported this week…
But the most interesting application is MoodTeller, a program that actually predicts moods days in advance.
Eventually, businesses will be able to predict exactly when they should release a new product and political operations will be able to manipulate frightened, ignorant voters even more than they do today.
The bouncing blue kitten has much to answer for.
"I'm just somebody who is getting up there in years, and I'm looking for a born-again, God-fearing virgin between the ages of 12 and 24 who can bear me children," says Michael Thelemann.
…
Yesterday, Thelemann posted a new sign, omitting his age requirements and specifying that he's not looking for a "pig-worshipping, heathen, white-supremacist wife."
At least he's not being choosy, eh? But since he's only offering a thousand, it seems to me he's somewhat out of touch with the market for virgins, even in Oklahoma. My mother was offered forty racing camels for me!
"Our best bet was to use mineral oil, lube her up as best we could, and then try to pop her head out."
No, seriously. This is a legitimate news story!
"She was hyperventilating. Obviously, we didn't how long she'd been in the pipe," said Fulbright. "The best we could estimate, she'd been in there two hours. Our best bet was to use mineral oil, lube her up as best we could, and then try to pop her head out. Fortunately, that's what occurred."
Meanwhile, in San Salvador, authorities at La Esperanza Prison caught Lidia Alvarado, 44, trying to smuggle contraband in to her boyfriend. They found she was carrying some marijuana and a grenade … in her vagina.
Upon inspection cops found the 10-inch-long M-67 grenade to be "in working order."
Police have raised the security alert level at prisons all across the country. They suspect "the inmates are planning something."
Meanwhile in Texas, Piper is being held for 72 hours in the event someone claims her. If not, she'll be put up for adoption.
Both the grenade and the pipe were four inches wide.
Totally stole this entire thing, but since I stole it from two different sources it works out to being independently verified twice! So, yeah. So there!
Sitting together on a train, travelling through the
Canadian Rockies, were an American guy, a Canadian guy, a little old Greek lady, and a young blond German girl with large breasts.
The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the American has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.
The old Greek lady thinks: The American guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped his cheek. The German girl thinks: That American guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.The American thinks: The Canadian guy must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Canadian thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the American again.
