Well, it's just odd is all. 
Someone has gone and listed me on a sex chat aggregator.
Welcome Pervs!
I do feel guilty, knowing that someone is out there, looking for the bone-eating snotflower and I deleted the link. Awwwwwwwww. I feel something else entirely knowing that someone is out there looking for Narnia Porn and they think they'll find it on this blog. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww. Mango Porn? I luv me some juicy mango action as much as the next chick, but doesn't it sting when it gets…places? You never see any lemonade porn, do ya? But I think I am becoming obsessed with this Fatman at Starbucks. Who can this be? Was there an obesity-related incident at Starbucks that made the news and I somehow didn't see it on Fark? Maybe somebody took their venti breve mocha into the bathroom, drank it, and then couldn't get out of the stall because his ass was too wide? It would make sense; do you know how many calories are in that thing?
When I worked at Starbucks we had one regular customer @ East Hastings. He always used to get regular milk lattes, but one day he switched and asked for non-dairy creamer instead of milk for his drink. Now, that was back in the days before God invented soybeans, or at least before the Asians were desperate enough to try to milk the wee buggers, so there was no soy milk. There was milk, there was cream, and there was non-dairy creamer. The ingredients list on most of those things reads like most of the alphabet except the vowels, interrupted for a "red lake #42" now and again, for the sake of liveliness I guess. They were made from oil products, and they were virtually 100% trans-fatty acids. It was essentially like drinking plaster for your arteries, but since most people only used a teaspoon or two, it wasn't a problem really.
Not this guy.
Now, the customer is not always right, but the customer generally knows what he wants, so we gave it to him. He didn't give off clueless vibes, so we figured there was a reason. One day we were chatting, and since I'm a nosy old bitch, I decided to ask him why he'd switched. "Oh," he says, "My doctor put me on a strict low-cholesteral, low-fat diet."
GACK. And Gack again!
It reminds me of the neurasthenic Woody Allen character who came into West Fourth one evening. She had the long frizzy hair, she had the trailing, patchouli-scented scarves, she had the pointer finger silver unicorn ring. And she asked for a "non-dairy, non-fat, no-egg eggnog latte. Decaf" Swear to god, "Decaf."
And I stared at her.
After a couple of minutes of watching me not get the notte, she asked me why I wasn't getting her the drink she had ordered.
"Because God didn't mean for that to exist."
Tables comin' up!
See?
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Tables out!
Don't keep it to yourself!
seed her blog with the words "naked pictures of Paris Hilton." Well, except to point out to the dear boy that he should also have used "nude pictures of Paris Hilton," "Paris Hilton naked," "Paris Hilton nekkid," "nude pix Paris Hilton," and, of course "Perez Hilton Naked!"
Someone found this blog through a search for "English lover good looking." Now if only someone could find this blog an English lover, good-looking, that would be something! And people say stat counters are irrelevant; what kind of so-called lives are these people leading anyway?
raincoaster 