I do not have the backstory here, but surely it must be one of the immortal ones.
Man hospitalized after his penis was attacked by a Jack Russell Terrier.
That is either a very tall dog, or a very dumb man. And may I ask what kind of German keeps an attack Jack Russell?
Can’t wait to find out how the dog happened to get access to the penis…was he playing with a terrier nekkid? Stuffing Fido down his pants? And what did the owner’s girlfriend have to do with all of this?
One of my favorite websites, VillainSupply.com has apparently come under new management and taken the low road. Instead of offering sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads, secret island lairs, and the aforementioned henchmen livery, as they did back in my day, they offer:
Search Engine Optimization, Dating Chat, Dating Tips, Diethylpropion, Dirty Jokes, Flirt Chat, Live Chat, Local Chat, Lorcet, Lortab, Muscle Relaxers, Pharmacy Affiliate Programs, Other Pharmacy Affiliate Programs, Teen Dating, Tenuate, Wellbutrin SR, Affiliate Marketing, Affiliate Network Marketing, Astrology, chat, and Dating Online.
All of which strike terror into my heart. Anyone who will deal with Network Marketing is obviously the bastard son of Beelzebub. Diet pills, search engine optimization, and sex chats. Daddy would be so proud. But it’s not the way it used to be. *sniff*
And look at The Way We Were:
Villain Supply
“www.villainsupply.com presents a complete inventory of ready-to-build kits that will provide you or your cabal with long-term, defensible secret housing with a minimum of fuss. For preexisting bases and lairs, visit http://www.evilrealtor.com.”
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Patrick Deuel.
I guess it’s People Who Shouldn’t Breed Day in the ol’ raincoaster blog, eh?
There is a tenderly written account of Patrick’s personal journey from the weight of a Percheron cross to the weight of a Harley Davidson here. I note that, however delicate and PC its tone, the link is called “Fatman” on the CBC website, nicely highlighting the difference between the American and Canadian approach to writing about morbidly obese people; ie here it’s okay to make fun of them if you don’t think they’ll notice. Nice.
Give him this link. Let no one accuse me of closetation!
A Nebraska man who once weighed 1072 pounds has dropped another 81 pounds in surgery that removed a chunk of fat, skin and fluids hanging from his waist. Patrick Deuel, 43, weighed in at 400 pounds after the operation on Tuesday at a hospital in Sioux Falls, S.D. Doctors performed the surgery because the extra flesh made it hard for Deuel to walk.
Chyeah, not like the other 400 they left. The doctors are all excited because before he used to be too fat to exercise. And how do they think he got that way, hmmmmm? I’m sure he’ll be doing marathons in no time and recording videos with Kathy Smith. And if you believe me, I’ve got some oceanfront property in Saskatchewan for sale.
Deuel weighed 1,072 pounds and was dying of heart failure when he checked into the hospital in Sioux Falls in June 2004. Before he entered the facility, he hadn’t left his home in seven years and was so big that workers had to cut a hole in his bedroom wall to get him out.
Which brings to mind the words of the prophet David Letterman.
Skinny people are bringing this guy food.
Just stop!
Problem solved.
So, who thinks this is a good idea?
Unquestionably, this matched set of wirelessly synchronized, web-enabled Big Gulp-scale blinkenlite Frankentumblers will help nerds bond with each other.
I say again, Who thinks this is a good idea?
I suppose, when faced with the alternative (allowing them to bond and potentially reproduce in meatspace), this appears pretty innocuous. “Hey,” the Freudians all say, “Let’s help these poor, sex-deprived geeks get their virtual freak on.” But why? And besides, those Freudians are pretty strange, too.
I suppose it’ll keep them in their basements and off the streets. I suppose it’ll prevent them from searching for the meaning of life and becoming cultists. I suppose it will keep them out of the Irish Heather, sparing me the necessity of eviscerating them when they drool at my chest and try to impress me with their ability to recite all the captains of the Starship Enterprise, backwards.
Someone once said it was nice of Mr. And Mrs. Thomas Carlyle to marry each other “and thus make only two, rather than four people miserable.” So in that sense, nerd bonding could be a good thing. It’ll keep them in their own end of the gene pool, for one thing.
But I think God invented WoW to keep their minds off sex. Because nothing on Planet Earth has been responsible for as many missed opportunities as this single game; it is the highest and purest form of contraception ever invented, as well as the most precisely targeted, and for that we can all give thanks. There are zeta males and females everywhere, rocking monitor tans and not knowing what they are missing, and it’s better that than having them throw off the soma and suddenly realize that The Matrix was neither fictive nor involuntary.
The Lover’s cups will glow when your lover is drinking. When both of you are drinking at the same time, both of the Lover’s Cups glow and celebrate this virtual kiss.
But, I ask, is there potential for betrayal and senseless drama?
You bet! Ah, suddenly, things are looking up.
When one’s Lover’s Cup meets with another cup by toasting, two of them will become a pair of Lover’s Cups until one of them toasts with other cups.
“You’re toast,” takes on a whole new meaning.
I note with some interest that the cups not only light up, but vibrate as well. I’m wondering if, as with Starbucks stainless steel travel tumblers, consumer demand will result in slimmer, longer models. “Let’s do that again! Again! AGAIN!”
Ew. Just ew. And while we’re on the topic, watch where you’re putting that dataglove.
Why do you think they make plastic keyboard covers?
raincoaster 