Category Archives: Sex

search me

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Which I only use as a title because it is such a cheap and easy pun. When I actually used that expression in speech (mostly back before puberty) I always thought it was “Certs me” and, indeed, it makes no less sense that way than most things we learned from the grownups.

In any case, for sociological research purposes, here is a list of things people have searched for to get to my blog over the past couple of days. Read ’em and … make puzzled expressions as you try to find meaning in a meaningless univer…oh, never mind. I’ve been reading too much French literature lately. You wil note: no squid. And I wonder if the evidently excited person looking for “COWBOY MEAT” was, in fact, hoping for screencaps of Brokeback Mountain.

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Kira hirsuta
COWBOY MEAT
roll up the rim founder at quebec
Gay Famous People
School spankin
phoebe cates
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“roll-up-the-rim” jerome
raincoaster
Steven page cowichan sweater
Luna orca
tim hortons roll up the wil to win
correct douching
NARNIA porno

Questionable taste

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One has to wonder, one does, about the person who came to my blog (er, so to speak) through a search engine inquiry “Narnia porn.”

May Aslan have mercy on your soul. You fucking perv.

Giant Squid Couture

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Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely and talented Bai Ling, modelling cephalopod couture from the House of Archie:

Bai Ling Squid Dress

The Architeuthis BaiLing is one of the larger invertebrates. Its breeding habits are not known (except perhaps to Charlie Sheen and the Wilson Brothers), although the presence of cameras stimulates it to display both primary and secondary sexual characteristics. It is nocturnal, and appears to feed only infrequently.

Yes, I stole it from Go Fug Yourself, but the writeup wasn’t much better than mine, so instead I’ll link you to the funniest thing they’ve ever written. Thank me later, after you’ve wiped the tears from your eyes and cleaned off that mess on your chair.

his first time

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I won’t be gentle.

Pub CrawlingNow, there’s a first time for all of us. Several, come to think of it: first word, first steps, first date, first kiss, first…you get the idea.

First pub crawl. Yes, first Friday night out in the big city with your buddies, looking for some hot urban action.

How not to do it? This way:

Shortish, black-clad male twentysomething, coming out of Earl’s* with other short, black-clad male twentysomethings.

He says, “Awwwright! Now let’s hit The Keg*!”

*American readers, please substitute Benihana and TGIFriday‘s for Earl’s and The Keg. British readers, you have no equivalents. Count yourselves lucky.

I need a coffee

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Fortunately, my friend from Norway (Norway? It is Norway, right? One of those, anyway) sent me one. From Norway, via Japan, with luv. I was with Starbucks for seven years and every time I tried to do something like this it just ended up looking like a very tan vagina.

Hello Latte