Category Archives: Sex

Operation Global Media Domination: Searching for Meaning

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TIAI love this little statcounter feature that lets you see what searches people found the blog through. Mr. Cocaine Corner sent me five readers yesterday and gave me a trackback, which must leave him with mixed emotions at best. I really hope he blogs from “inside.” If it’s rehab, it’ll be educational for all the cokeheads who read the blog; if it’s prison, ditto. Plus bonus voyeur value, which was always a big part of Cocaine Corner’s appeal.

Behold the searches that led people to my blog yesterday. It’s tempting to treat them like those exercises we used to get in English class, where there’s a list of “new” words and we had to use each of them in a sentence. I, being somewhat smartassish even as a child, used to put them all in one endless run-on sentence, not that I ever do that kind of thing lately, or even merely recently, but it sure is tempting.

Nothing on Clay Aiken nekkid? I guess the Claymates have given up, broken-hearted.

“aki beam” Either Aki has a fanclub or she’s got an ego on her, because this is like the third or fourth time she’s searched for herself.
lysol husband
does curling happen only at the olympics I feel confident that this query came from neither Canada nor Scotland.
Lysol Feminine Hygiene
raincoaster blog
fungi Yeah, I’m known for my fungi
colossal squid 2006 And my squid.

I Have an Alibi!!!!

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Honestly, officer, I was nowhere near Nigeria!

Penises Purloined!

three young men have allegedly lost their genitals in mysterious circumstances…Alarmed, he started shouting ‘my penis, my pennies’ and he touched me and immediately I too also felt the same way and my penis also disappeared and so it was with the third victim, so we all raised alarm and a crowd gathered at the scene,” he narrated.

Now, I’m having a real hard time not posting this under “Allegory” but I shall restrain myself.

Steak and Blowjob Day

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Steak and Blowjob DayI am (we all are) indebted to Gawker for this one. If only my links were working, but they’re not, so I have to give it to you rough. I know my people; you like it like that!
http://www.steakandbjday.com/

Whoopsie, looks like Photobucket has a tiny…problem. So we’ll just host our images at WordPress.com instead, shall we.

steak and bj day

Best. Ad. Ever.

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At least, in terms of the most eyecatching ever.

Best. ad. ever

Ceremonial Aspects

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Now, it is not every day, nor even many days, that one attends a wedding remarkable both for the open bar and the actual bride-on-groom physical violence during the ceremony.

But it was Saturday.

I really have to get out to more weddings.

Honeymoon

So the ceremony was going well. Going normally. The bride and groom wanted it to be a bit different, and it was, a bit, what with the ceremony being outside in the heart of March in Canada, no less, but it wasn’t, like, nudist or anything. As Miss Manners has said so eloquently, a nudist wedding is one where everyone can see who the best man is.

So, only normally different.
There was the heart. A raku heart, which each of the guests was to hold for a moment and pray over. But that wasn’t the weird part. I mean, putting crappy fruitcake under your pillow to give you hallucinogenic dreams???? So the raku heart is supposed to be weird and that’s supposed to be normal? Riiiiiiiiiight.

So they were saying their vows. And he said his very nicely, although everyone could tell he was nervous because his Anglo-Aussie accent was asserting itself. And then she said hers.

“I, so-and-so, take you, whatchername, to be my husband.”

SMACK!

Right across the face, from left to right, a good old-fashioned Bond Girl smack.

Couldn’t help myself. I said, “Is that an Okanagan tradition?”

Okay, so there’s a back story involving a mosquito and spousal solicitiveness…I don’t buy it for a second. I saw the groom’s face, and it quite clearly said,

“Sweetie, couldn’t you save it for the honeymoon?”