Category Archives: Singles

po po OW! K-Fed-Ex text message transcript

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po po yowza! Who wears the pants in this family and who wears the manpris?My good friend engtech has passed along the transcript of the Britney-K-Fed-Ex dumping text message exchange. This top-secret document was no doubt leaked by the very hacker who cracked Paris Hilton‘s sidekick. What would we do without celebrity-obsessed hackers? We’d have to write our own bloody blog content, that’s what, and nobody wants to see that happen.

Here’s a slice of the transcript, available at drivl.com, which has the makings of my new spiritual home, via engtech.

Britney: hey kev, y’all remember when i was hot?

Kevin: po po yeah, i wuz like dayum bitches i hit the jackpot!

Britney: well i just crapped out federline junior #2, and i worked, like, super hard to lose all that weight and y’all haven’t said nothin. i even did a couple of, whatya call ’em, where you sit up a buncha times…anyway, i cut down to eating only three bags of cheetos a day, and that was hard!

Kevin: po po cheetos are off the hook fo sho…

Britney(?) sex tape not Britney

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Britney says hi boys!Awwww. Turns out that the rumoured “Britney sex tape” isn’t Britney. Fleshbot has the final word, as well as the actual video, so satisfy your… curiosity yeah, that’s it, curiosity, with this link.

But on the other hand, the hopes and dreams of millions of men who were kinda sorta hoping she’d be better at giving head are preserved.

The Democrats have the House.

The Democrats may take the Senate. 

Rummy is out of a job.

And Britney Spears is a free woman and could, possibly, be really good at giving head.

It’s Springtime in America!

hi K-Fed, u b Fed-Ex now lol

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This is simply charming. Perez Hilton, Canuckistan‘s favorite Cuban, has posted this footage of K-Fed on MuchMusic the day before Britney filed the big D on his sorry wigger ass. He spent the entire day with a camera crew clamped to his leg like a shackle, filming some reality show nobody’s ever heard of, this episode of which has just increased in value by a factor of twenty.

If I and the entire magnitude of Canada, gay America, and Gawker Media (some overlap here, admittedly) are not mistaken, the text message he receives over dinner contains the tender “Dear K-Fed, bye y’all” message the world has so long waited for. Watch and judge for yourself.

Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Britney Spears(?) sex tape trailer

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hey y'all! I'm not trashy!

UPDATE: golly, this sure seems to be a popular post. Wonder if anyone will read the rest of our posts about Britney and this notorious video.

Yup, yesterday she lost her claim that the very rumour of the tape’s existence is defamatory (judge’s reasoning: come on people, she’s Britney Spears! Like she wouldn’t bang the hell out of her husband on tape while he watched the playoffs or something. Puh-leeze!) and today, the first full day of her official long march to divorce, nineteen seconds of that rumoured to be alleged Britney Spears reported “sex tape” has been posted to PornoTube, and is up on Fleshbot.

Verdict: sure looks like her, in her black-haired phase. This was, therefore, and completely hypothetically, post-impregnation, somewhere around the time of the Harper’s Bazaar cover shot, meaning Britney, if it was Britney, would have been six or more months along. UPDATE: Titania on Gawker notes that her hair was dyed dark for her wedding as well, so this could be from the honeymoon. You can’t tell from this part; you don’t get to see the woman’s body. And you can’t see the guy’s face at all…that’s not where the camera and the woman are focused, if you get my meaning, nudge nudge.

Come one, come all. Or rather, “y’all.”

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Britney loses weight: 180 pounds!

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 the body's back, boys!

Skanks, wiggers, and rednecks everywhere rejoice as today their Vestal “Virgin” Britney Spears, tosses aside Husband #2 as the first step on the long march to eventual penniless and dubiously-titled decrepitude.

Yep, she’s single. TMZ via Gawker has the report. I have only one question:

DOES JUSTIN KNOW?

…citing “irreconcilable differences.” In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple’s two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.

As for money, sources tell TMZ the couple, who married in Oct. 2004, has an iron-clad prenup. Not surprisingly, Spears is waiving her right to spousal support. She’s also asking the judge to make each party pay their own attorney’s fees.

Spears gives the date of separation as yesterday, the same day she flaunted her incredible revamped physique during a surprise appearance on David Letterman‘s show.

Boys, you know what it takes: nice arms, a collection of tats, a pretty face, the ability to wear clothes large enough to fit an entire family of nomads inside, and proof of fertility. Deafness is a plus, or at least one of god’s small mercies in this case.

Good luck and god speed.

Oh, and the news about the sex tape is here.