I freely admit this doesn’t do it for me, but there must be millions out there it DOES do it for, and for those millions I freely post the History of Tentacle Porn. I do find it fascinating that most of this is a response to overly-specific porn definitions.
Category Archives: Singles
Attack of the Hicks!
For reasons best left unsaid, it entertains me to watch other people fending off swarming loyalista (nay, Unquestionista) fans when they cluster and attack in those occasional, apparently-random movements dictated by hive mind.
Here is the latest version, from Logged Hours, via Gawker. What is unique about the American Idol phenomenon is that, other than Simon and Paula, it appears as if every contestant has been stripped of all possible personality just prior to appearing and that they have, in fact, been manufactured especially for this moment, having no pasts in which to have retroactively embarassed themselves or the millions of people who stayed home to watch rather than, say, vote.
These are the least offensive group of stars the universe has ever seen. Why, then, is the drama quotient of their fandoms the equivalent of a sack of enriched plutonium at a Kabul night market? It’s not just Taylor’s Hicks; anybody remember the 5,000-comment Claymate threads on Perez Hilton‘s site?
In any case, to the Hicks!
Dear Crazy Taylor Hicks fans,
Please STOP COMMENTING on my blog about how AMAZINGLY HOT you think your weirdo sex-object is and take your creepy internet fan-love somewhere else.
I don’t give a hoot in the wind if you think that I have a “fickle aesthetic”. If you think that Taylor Hicks is the hottest man alive, you need your head checked. That is my OPINION. I am entitled to my opinion, especially since it’s my goddamn blog. I don’t care that you love him and would try and have his children from DNA derived from some used napkin you bought on eBay. I don’t want to hear it.
Swing Blade: Swingers meets Sling Blade
I normally avoid picking from the most popular videos on YouTube, but this is so funny I cannot resist. If, however, you see me posting napping kittens or puppies, please feel free to beat me severely about the head and neck.
Made in 1997, this mock movie trailer has Billy Bob Thornton‘s character, Karl, from the film “Sling Blade” entering the world of Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau‘s “Swingers.” Written by Chris Cox, Matt Sloan, and Darren Des Voigne.
Pentecostals want to spend taxes de-gaying Norwegian bunnies
That’s about it, really.
Except that the Lutherans, by contrast, simply wish the Norwegians to burn in Hell, rather than waste any time in attempts at animal re-heterosexualizing first.
I guess they don’t like waiting.
A Lutheran priest said he hoped the organisers would “burn in hell,” and a Pentecostal priest lashed out at the exhibition, saying taxpayers’ money used for it would have been better spent helping the animals correct “their perversions and deviances”.
Got this from ArchieArchive‘s report on the Oslo exhibition of animal homosexuality. It’s a really interesting report, and the links provide some much-needed insight into the very nature of human character.
Big horn sheep “need to have sex with their own fellows just to be accepted. And by being accepted they are making up very important social relations which later give them better access to females,” says Mr Soeli.
So Hollywood really IS run by sheep. That would explain why nobody’s bought my script yet. Maybe I should have my agent fuck them…oh right. Anybody know a pretty, gay agent?
And look, here’s Annie and Susan, explained:
Among swans and flamingos there have been cases of two females living together using sexual contact with males purely to reproduce.
And, look over there, behind the bearded moss: Tom and John!
Or is it Lance and Matchew?
It has been reported that in certain bird species males double up, allowing them to control a larger territory than a heterosexual couple, which in turn serves to attract more females.
Looks like it’s working…
Miss Manners on the war between the sexes
Cross-posting this from ArchieArchive, where he’s posted the entire “women are meat” speech from everybody’s favorite bastion of multiculti sensitivity and carnivorous reptile-baiting, Australia.
If you’re looking for sensible takes on the subject, you can’t do better than the US’s Miss Manners, who was written to by a concerned reader claiming that he didn’t have a question of etiquette, exactly…
See, he just felt that these “girls” who wear revealing clothing, go out on dates without chaperones, drive their own cars, live in apartments alone, etc, were making it really easy for some man to rape them. He wanted Miss Manners to lay out the exact restrictions that would properly prevent such an occurrance.
I don’t think he was expecting her to say “it makes more sense to lock up the men than to lock up the women” but she did. She’s pretty good at making a sharp point when she feels like it.
I’ll post the exact quote when/if I find it, but don’t hold your breath, cuz I’m lazy and it means combing through the books for it, they all being over 500 pages. But ya gotta luv Miss Manners. When Americans are both intelligent and down-to-Earth, they are the most sensible people on the planet.
When they’re not, they’re…
raincoaster 