Category Archives: Sports

review o’ the day: Geoffrey Chaucer on video games

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Gower, take thatte!G-Chaus is back, with a roundup of the hottest video games on the market.

From TYGER WOODSES HUNTINGE AND HAWKINGE to GRANDE THEFTE, COLLUSIOUN, AND MAYNTENANCE, he gives his loyale readeres the hot poop on slick tech products that we’ve come to expect of the fourteenth century’s most prolific blogger.

Bonus points for using the Latinate “Margaritae“.

O my gentil rederes, it hath been a thinge of muche difficultee and laboure for to type euen the smallest entrie in myn blogge. For somer, lyk vnto a songe of Barry Manilow, hath ydrawn alle the spirit and vigor from my limbes and hert. For the gretre part of the hot moneth of July ich laye in my garden on my comfortable lawn-chaire and langwisshed lyk vnto sum yonge lover who hath ydumpede been. Ich daubede myn foreheed wyth a moyste towel and did drinke mvch of somer drinkes swich as margaritae and daquiri…
 

And so, my noble rederes, vntil the hete of somer fullie abateth, ich shal be up wyth litel Lowys, in hys attic room, playinge of video games and drinkinge depe draughtes of mountayne dewe. C U L8re, gentilz!

Ich Pwne Noobs

bride of Barbaro!

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Y’all remember Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro, right? The sesamoid snapper whose recovery outlook is reported by the media entirely in terms of degree of “eye twinkle” he gets when the mares are around. I tell ya, it’s worse than being Brad Pitt.

Or Tom Cruise.

In any case, at the risk of diverting myself from a lucrative career as a blogger to an unproductive one of hypothetical horse matchmaking, I suggest that we introduce the poor gimp to this mare:

Sweet Nothing

Equine amputee puts her best foot forward
Plucky horse thrives after customized artificial limb replaces hind leg

If cats do indeed have nine lives, Sweet Nothing is living proof that horses have at least three.

Saved first from the slaughterhouse, then from a devastating leg injury that veterinarians said called for euthanasia, the small bay mare is now one of a handful of horses in the world to sport a customized prosthetic limb after her bad hind leg was amputated below the hock.

The best part? In true Canadian fashion, her new artificial hoof is made from a hockey puck. Who knew Red Green was such a talented vet?

the evolution of the evolution of dance

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Seen Judson Laipply’s Evolution of Dance video? 20,000,000 people have. If you’re not one of them, click here for retroboogie goodness.

How did such genius come into being? Here’s an interview with the Charles Darwin of Dance himself, Judson Laipply.

the Calamari Wrestler

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A more or less po-faced remake of Rocky, with the Giant Squid in the role formerly played by Sylvester Stallone. Who can tell them apart, eh?

Can I get a transcript? Any bilingual Japanese Squid fanciers out there?

This wild comedy pokes fun at the world of pro-wrestling by placing its accomplished wrestler protagonist Koji Taguchi against a giant squid known as the Calamari Wrestler. The Calimari Wrestler not only proves to be Koji‘s most difficult opponent yet, but also has an effect on several people’s personal lives when he becomes the unlikely object of a young girl’s affection. A quirky plot, kitsch costumes, and a bizarre romance make director Minoru Kawasaki‘s (ULTRAMAN TIGA) effort an interesting and entertaining watch.

911 activity book, fun for the whole inbred family

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Not making it up. Via Gawker.

911 activity book! Fun for the whole family!

I wish I could tell you that this is a tacky parody. Please note that it is appropriate “for ages 4 & up.” I think we can all agree that any commentary I might write seems unnecessary. Yes, we live here. Aum.