No, seriously. Getting eaten by fish is the latest craze (and there’s a reason they call it that) in health.

And this has nothing to do with that nasty fetish video of that horrible Cockney woman and the eels…

The Guardian reports on how the delicate mouthings of imported Turkish doctorfish bring relief from psoriasis (and also confirm for me that when old people take a bath it’s really just soup). And Mainichi backs them up.

…doctor fish seem happy to devour any old epidermis – in fact, the older and thicker the better (if you put a child in the water next to an old person, the fish will apparently go for the old person)…

Exfoliation is a key part of any skin beautifying treatment. But forget salt scrubs, rubs and foot files. Why not try something far more efficient: the toothless mouths of hundreds of tiny, voraciously feeding fish?

“Doctor fish” – so named for their ability to produce healthy, glowing results from even the most crusty or diseased epidermis – are the key ingredient in a spa and skin treatment becoming increasingly popular across Japan, China, Turkey and Europe. The idea is that you immerse your feet, hands or, if you are brave enough, your entire body in a warm pool that swarms with hundreds of hungry minnow-sized feeders. The fish zoom in on your most crusty, flaky or scabby skin and chomp away at it to reveal the fresh layer beneath…

I’m pretty sure I saw a porno like that once. Ever noticed how much women’s porn is set in spas? Yeah, that’s right: I bet this story is just a very clever code. John Donne would be proud.

He was a filthy old bugger.

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::