On the one hand, I had a job interview today, yay, go me, etc, etc, whatever.
On the other hand, if I get the job I will earn money, but I will not now, nor in the future, actually receive the money.
Still, for me this is progress.
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Well, that title should draw the Buffy fans like flies.
The BBC reports that men in Tanzania live in constant fear of being attacked and raped by a bisexual demon in the form of a giant bat.
The story goes that the bat is able to transform itself into a man at night and it has also been blamed for rapes of women.
Sheikh Yahya Hussein, a prominent astrologer in Tanzania, claims that the demon is a spirit that is unleashed by witches to torment their opponents.
Naturally, in an effort to prevent such attacks, the men are sleeping rough (it being, presumably, well-known that sex-crazed bat-shaped demons have difficulty performing when they’re out in the open and prefer a more intimate setting for their acts of incubation/incubattery) and, of course, smearing themselves with lardons, which has the not-entirely-welcome effect of repelling gay bat sex demons yet attracting Mario Batali and his fingerling.
Also, no sightings of said sex-crazed bat demon have in fact been reported in Tanzania at all. So ask yourself…have any sightings been reported around here? We will pause while you check the local paper.
And since the Tanzanian protections have so far proven 100% effective at deterring sex-crazed bat demon attacks, perhaps you should start thinking about the practicalities.
Just to be safe, get out the Crisco and the hammock. After all, you don’t want anyone thinking you were asking for it.
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Click to go to the pic on the page, size queens! Another entry in Amy Sedaris’ Googly Eyes on Food contest; this is from the same demented yet talented mind that brought you Shoggoth in a Tube. Personally, I think this, which didn’t even place, is a much finer example of the g-e-o-f principle than the ultimate weiner winner. I mean, who among us hasn’t made a weiner octopus already, I mean really, eh? But have you ever had the creativity and inspiration to make a severed unicorn head out of a garlic clove, and if you have, would it have occurred to you to set up a dramatic tableau referencing the immortal silent classic film Nosferatu?
I ask you that!
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From this very talented entrant to the charmingly deranged Amy (my favorite Sedaris) Sedaris‘s cutsie craft contest, Put Googly Eyes On Food or whatever the hell it was called.
I’m sure she stole the inspiration from Googly Eyes on Cock, by the way; I wonder if it’s the same photographer who did both Shoggoths?
And now, a musical interlude. Byakhee, Byakhee, from the musical parody Shoggoth on the Roof. Lyrics over the abyss…
Regardless, do not miss the dramatic and mythologically accurate tableau of Severed Unicorn Head versus Nosferatu.
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Once again we at the ol’ raincoaster blog can only shake our heads in dismay (I have five, and they rattle when they really get going) at the sad ignorance displayed in this report from Latvia.
Locals initially reported seeing “strange things” in the area.
One girl said that she had seen “a small bright object with a silver ring around it”, while other witnesses reported seeing up to six symmetrical beams of light emerging from the pond.
It seems a large hole has appeared in the ice of a heretofor-frozen lake, and the sudden appearance thereof, andof other bizarre phenomena, has put local yokeldom to speculating about the possible arrival and submersion of a UFO, or the possibility of a large chunk of blue ice falling from such an object (aliens, presumably, being no better at disposing of their wastes than a dirty Boeing) and creating said hole.
These theories are, naturally, so ridiculous and indicative of backwateryness that we need hardly raise an eyebrow before dismissing them with a snort.
Let us look at the facts instead; verily, let us turn to science which, as always, has all the answers if indeed only a subset of the questions at any given time.
What are lakes made of? That’s right, dihydrogen monoxide. And what covers frozen lakes? Correct again, ice covers frozen lakes, by definition and by gosh and by golly. And what happens when a large bolus of heated gas escapes its deep-water containment in a body of water which is covered by ice? Three for three, my friend: the gas rises and breaks the surface, either melting or blasting its way to freedom.
Otherwise, can you imagine the stench from all those saved-up fish farts at the Spring break-up?
Obviously, this strange hole is an indication that somewhere in the depths of this Unnamed and Unnameable Lake lies an active and populated (and gastrically distressed) settlement of Deep Ones, if indeed it is not itself the fabled Lake of Hali in the Frozen Wastes (and, I mean, not to put too fine a point on it but, have you ever been to Latvia? Exactly) and, thus, home to far greater horrors than these mere servants of Great Cthulhu.
Ia! Ia! Latvia fh’artagn!
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raincoaster 