From Worth1000.com's weekly photoshopping contest. Cuz we haven't had any Canadian jingoism for about ten thousand words on this blog, and that's just too damn long to go without, eh.
Category Archives: Travel
Manifest Idiocy
The Guardian has been doing a virtual world tour of literature, and recently they featured Canada. In fact, the blog comments, meant to be a roundup of readers' favorite Canadian books, featured James Sherrett's book Up in Ontario(over there in the blogroll), so kudos to him, whatever kudos are. I hope they're chewy and taste like peanut butter fudge dipped in chocolate, but probably it's just a euphemism for a boring plaque and an arrangement of silk flowers or something.
In any case, the editor in charge may have many good points. He/She/It may be a great humanitarian, kind to the elderly, charitable, hospitable, and good with children and animals.
I. Don't. Give. A. Rat's. Ass.
I want the editor disciplined. I want the editor publicly named and shamed. I want the editor to be forced to cover Groundhog Day from Wiarton next year. I want the editor to be compelled at hockeystick-point to read all of Pierre Berton's interminable late-career mumblings. Read through this and see if you can't spot the wee little problem I have with this clueless fucking foreigner:
http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/culturevulture/archives/2006/03/21/whither_canada.html
Whither Canada
By Richard Lea/World literature tourThanks to you all, the world literature tour is going from strength to strength. After Finland and Poland came the Czech Republic, where alongside the Kundera and the Klima there were recommendations for Bohumil Hrabal, poems by Jaroslav Seifert, plays by Karel Capek and many, many more. There was even time for some strong words on the exclusion of Kafka –
Richard was not alone in wanting to "take issue" with the decision,
complaining that we'd become confused between country and language.
Many thanks for all your contributions.This month we can confidently predict there will be no
such confusion, as with one great leap the world literature tour
crosses the ocean and heads for Canada. Beating off strong challenges from India and Japan, we are heading for the frozen north. With suggestions ranging from Sweden to St Lucia the nominations took an increasingly personal note, with Babak voting for the country of "Tom Stoppard" and a number of anti-Atwood
protests. So much so that I'd like to declare an Atwood amnesty here
and now – any and all of your Atwood suggestions will be gratefully
received.And don't forget to keep your nominations for next
month's destination coming – after a month up by the Arctic circle
would you all mind if I suggested a little sunshine? Unless there's
anyone else who feels like heading for Stoppard country out there …
Photograph: Toby Talbot/AP
caption: Sweet dreams…Maple leaves in Vermont
Squidsicle
Now for some frozen cephalopoddy goodness. Looks like this Giant Squid, caught off the coast of New Zealand last year, has finally gone on public display.
In contrast to the public coming-out of Archie the London Giant Squid, Damien Hirst’s people were not consulted. Perhaps a bit of We’ll Show Those Toffeenosed Poms A Thing Or Two About Publicly Exhibiting Your Squid…I’m sure no-one on Earth with any degree of experience doubts either the ability or the inclination of Aussies to publicly exhibit their squid at the slightest provocation.
This Squid was frozen in a block of remarkably clear ice. Really, how do they get it like that? It would soooo improve the look of my cocktails if I could just get all the bubbles out, or force them to form pretty patterns or something, like maybe a monkey wearing a fez. Really, is there any illustration of a monkey that isn’t improved by the addition of a fez? I think not.
Giant Squid. It’s a blog entry about Giant Squid.
This poor bugger doesn’t even have a name. I wonder, when they brought him into the country, if they even gave him a prisoner number! I wonder, too, given that the critter is huge, terrifying, and originally from New Zealand, if Peter Jackson has signed up the film rights? Does this Squid have an agent?
Here’s the hot poop on the cold Squid:
The 7 metre squid is frozen in time in the world’s largest man-made block of ice and is on display as part of the Monsters of the Deep exhibit. The exhibit also features live cuttlefish, bioluminescent fish and octopus hidden in dark, eerie caves and rare footage of a live Humboldt Squid, filmed off the coast of Mexico.
Awesome! How did I miss this??? Is it too late to book a ticket?
Over the decades, tales of the Giant Squid have ranged from just a little creepy to absolutely mind-boggling! One of the most amazing stories is that witnessed by the crew of a Soviet tanker in 1965, which came across a battle between arch enemies, the Giant Squid and the Sperm Whale. The fight continued for some time and finished far below in the depths of the ocean. Eventually the strangled body of the 40 tonne whale was found floating with the Giant Squid still wrapped around its body. But the Squid did not win – its head was later found inside the stomach of the whale!
Find out about other stories like this at Melbourne Aquarium, where historical newspaper articles will be on display, revealing more chilling escapades of the Giant Squid and other Monsters of the Deep.
Canadianism: Two Solitudes indeed
I can’t believe I went to the hottest restaurant in New Westminster and they had two televisions hanging from the ceiling, playing curling. I don’t think I live in the same country as the rest of these people do; this is a cultural divide that cannot be bridged. It’s all very well for me to lord it over Americans and the English, yammering on about PC and Relativism and Pierre Trudeau, but there is, let’s face it, no multicultural initiative that can allow the curling fans and the I-suppose-they-call-us-mundanes to coexist. Hence Newfoundland; it’s a 21st Century sort of reservation/theme park for curlers.
When I get back to Vancouver, I’m sneaking into Delilah’s and not leaving until they throw me out and given how their clientele normally behaves (to say nothing of the staff) I may be there for the rest of my life, sustaining myself on smoked oysters, olives, lime wedges, and vodka-infused apricots. That’s all the food groups, right?
In any case, after several years on the Downtown EastSide, if there is nothing else I know, I do know how to give Canada what it wants:
First Class for Second in Command
What Dick wants, Dick gets. This is what Dick wants in his hotel room. Notice there is no requirement for the staff to warn him before approaching from behind; perhaps he’s using rubber quailshot now?
From The Smoking Gun:
MARCH 23–After posting the performance contracts of artists like Bruce Springsteen, the Rolling Stones, and U2, The Smoking Gun has finally obtained the backstage demands of a real rock star. That’s right, below you’ll find a copy of Vice President Dick Cheney’s standard “tour” rider. The document is provided to hotels where Cheney will be bunking and lists how the Republican pol’s “Downtime Suite” needs to be outfitted. While the vice president’s requests are pretty modest (no extract-the-brown-M&M demands here), Cheney does like his suite at a comfy 68 degrees. And, of course, all the televisions need to be preset to the Fox News Channel (what, you thought he was a Lifetime devotee?). Decaf coffee should be ready upon his arrival along with four cans of caffeine-free Diet Sprite. And when Cheney is traveling with his wife Lynne, the second family’s suite needs an additional two bottles of sparkling water. Mrs. Cheney’s H2O should be either Calistoga or, curiously, Perrier, a favored beverage of French terrorism appeasers. The document, prepared by the vice president’s advance team, was obtained by TSG after it was provided to a hotel employee prior to a Cheney visit. When we asked Cheney spokesperson Jenny Mayfield about the document’s reference to gifts that hotels might leave in the suite for the vice president, she told us she was unable to address that question since she had not seen the “downtime requirements” rider (she asked for a copy, which we declined to provide in advance of its publication here). At our source’s request, we’ve blacked out the handwritten name and Washington, D.C. phone number of a Cheney staffer. As for the notations regarding extra lamps, specific newspapers, and a carafe, it is unclear whether they were added by an advance team staffer or a hotel official.
Click the link at the top to see the original document, with all its magnificently sharp, pointy clauses.
raincoaster 