The War Prayer, by Mark Twain

Mark Twainvia Daily Kos. Twain would not permit this to be published until after his death, and given the potential for blowback I think we can all understand why. It reminds me of nothing so much as William S. Burroughs’ Thanksgiving Prayer. Watch the film on YouTube here.

O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle — be Thou near them! With them — in spirit — we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe.

O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it — for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet!

We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.

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The Landing: Homeland Security won’t save you now

Oh, this is just not going to go well.

From ScaryIdeas, via Fark.

star wars

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Evil Bert strikes again

Remember Evil Bert? Makin’ wit da sex tapes with Pam Anderson, posing for buddy photos with Osama bin Laden? Sure you do.

Now Evil Bert‘s gone even eviller! It’s a Jerry Bruckheimer film in the making, I tell you: He’s a loose cannon in Kandahar! Hell-bent in Helmand! Ballistic in Baghdad!

Evil Bert is AWOL!

Evil Bert is AWOL!

That’s what you get when Recruitment is scraping the bottom of the barrel.

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don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t unpack

SailorsIt seems the US military is running short of personnel…something to do with the fact that they’re running out of people who are okay with the idea of being shot at for no particularly good reason or something. But, frankly, we never thought they’d get this desperate.

Sure, they’re sending soldiers with psychoses and traumatic stress disorder back into the front lines (hey, what’s the worst that could happen?). Sure, they’ve revoked the right of discharged or retired personnel to actually refuse to be re-deployed any time up until and/or including death. They’ve sorta kinda quietly starting redeploying people, even Reservists, up to four or five times. Sure, they’ve been caught on tape lying to would-be recruits about their chances of being sent to Iraq. They’ve been caught on camera coaching recruits how to fill in the answers in selection tests. And yeah, they’re even recruiting in malls full of white people now.

But no-one thought it would come to this.

They’re calling in teh gays.

From the Stars and Stripes:

Under the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, he was quickly discharged from the service.

But now — whether through a clerical oversight or what some claim is an unwritten change in policy to keep more gay servicemembers in the ranks at a time of war — Jason Knight is back on active duty.

Since promoted to petty officer second class, Knight is finishing a scheduled one-year tour in Kuwait with Naval Customs Battalion Bravo. And, already kicked out of the Navy once, he sees no need to hide his sexual orientation.

“I thought it was a joke at first,” he said, remembering the day he received his recall orders. “It was the ultimate kick in the ass. But then I thought, there isn’t much they can do to me they haven’t done the first time.”

It was comments by Marine Gen. Peter Pace, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, that spurred Knight to come out publicly a second time. In defending the military’s policy, Pace called homosexual acts immoral and contrary to military values.

“Though I respect [Pace] as a leader, it made me so mad,” Knight said.

“I spent four years in the Navy, buried fallen servicemembers as part of the Ceremonial Guard, served as a Hebrew Linguist in Navy Intelligence, and received awards for exemplary service,” he wrote in a letter to Stripes. “However, because I was gay, the Navy discharged me and recouped my 13k sign-on bonus. Nine months later, the Navy recalled me to active duty. Did I accept despite everything that happened? Of course I did, and I would do it again. Because I love the Navy and I love my country. And despite Pace’s opinion, my shipmates support me.”

Dear god, what a sailor! If they’d hire a few more of those and let them finish their terms without discharging them, they’da won this bloody thing by now.

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quiz: which evil criminal are you?

Oh great. Fine. Jeez, I was hoping for Castro. Or FDR. What a letdown.

Sorry, Japan!

Congratulations, you’re President Harry S. Truman!

Due to the death of President Roosevelt, you became President of the United States of America on April 12th, 1945 – just at the tail end of World War Two. Japan had offered a surrender in January, and once you were in power, attempted again in May. In July, they offered surrender at least six times.

In August, against Roosevelt’s known wishes and the wishes of many of your advisors, you dropped an atomic bomb on the Japanese city Hiroshima, and another one on Nagasaki. Literally hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians died; many, many more suffered horrible sicknesses from the radiation. As Eisenhower put it: “the Japanese were ready to surrender and it wasn’t necessary to hit them with that awful thing.”

If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you unnecessarily levelled an entire population with the following fine graphic:

I am Truman.

Which Evil Criminal are You?
A Rum and Monkey crime.

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