Dr Jekyll versus the Werewolf

Dr. Jekyll versus the Covid Briefing Bingo

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So, this is where we are, kittens. Back at Rideau Cottage, naming these posts after old Paul Naschy wolfman films. Will the pandemic endure so long that we’ll run out of Naschy movies and have to begin naming them after old episodes of Kolchak?

Only The Shadow knows.

https://twitter.com/IGRRpod/status/1329860398628151299

So, here we are.

Here are your Covid Briefing Bingo cards so far, and YES, yes, I know. I have to get you the seventh generation sometime before the vaccine is released!

And all the previous bingo episodes are on the Briefing Bingo Category page. 

Our video:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic.

And here’s the full text. Do they have a teleprompter at Rideau Cottage? Because I didn’t see him looking at any papers. And if they have one at his house, why don’t they have one in the briefing room they’ve been using all Fall?

As you can see, we are back at the old hangout, Rideau Cottage, and you can mark your square for “Seasonal porchscaping.” This is something people in Ottawa go in for bigly; being from BC I think at the very most I’d see a wreath and an inflatable Grinch, and that was in the whole neighborhood. We skipped over “Cottonwood fluff and insects” season altogether.

Pontificating for a moment I’d say that the return to Rideau Cottage means a) Trudeau is working from home for some reason. Self-isolating, perhaps? b) He’s not worried some Q-Twat will try to off him.

Let us begin, kittens.

Trudeau is in a hell of a mood. “I don’t want to be here. You don’t want me to be here. But here we are again. Cases are spiking.” This isn’t a speech on paper. He’s doing this off the cuff and memory. TBH these are always better. When it’s an emotional message, this way is better. He’s good at it.

1418 new cases in Ontario, largely in the Toronto, Peel, and York regions. Trudeau appeals to the citizens not to slack off on their precautions, not to have a dinner party (socially distanced or not), not to get together with friends.

The worst case scenario could see 60,000 new cases a day diagnosed in Canada. “The best way to protect the economy is to get the virus under control.”

Mark your “Outerwear” square, “Second wave” and “Starts in English” on a lighter note.

Trudeau explains that in the first wave we thought doing what kept us safe was bad for the economy, but now we know the opposite is true. Staying safe is the best way to support the economy. All the business supports have been enshrined in law now, thanks to a cross-party effort to pass it yesterday.

Yes, go ahead and mark your “stern teacher voice” square.

“Name-checks Dr. Theresa Tam” square active, mark that one off.

“They are heroes. They are going above and beyond ANYTHING they thought they were signing up for.” Trudeau asks people to think about the medical workers who face the unimaginable, every day.

Trudeau specifically challenges employers to let their workers work from home. And reminds everyone to download the app (the federal one, that works, not the Alberta one, which uh…).

Trudeau is calling out Alberta and BC about their non-adoption of the federal app. And good on him, because that is not merely stupid; it is actively preventing the federal government from saving lives.

Sooper, my internet clogged up. Mark your “Technical difficulties” square. This thing is glitching hard; it’s like watching a briefing animated by Francis Bacon.

Now Trudeau is offering condolences to the family of the Holocaust survivor who made it through WWII and came to Canada, raised a family, and recently passed away from Covid-19.

Trudeau says he’s working from home again, so he’s basically modeling the behaviour he wants to see from Canadians. Bully pulpit for the win. And mark your “Keeps the border closed” square, yay!

Sign language interpreter on the right has his groove on.

“We have a long winter ahead. Wear a mask. Keep your distance. Download and use the app. Avoid gatherings of all sizes. And know that together, being there for one another, we’ll get through it.”

And marks your “Drinks water” square. Now on to the questions.

Trudeau seemed to drop the posh French accent and get a little more vernacular, get a little more Quebec, when answering that question about “So what about Christmas?”

Mark your “Swaps out sign language interpreters” square. “We have your backs” really needs to be a square in this game.

Reporter asks if Trudeau if he’ll bring in some federal rules to prevent interprovincial travel, which he does not wish to do. “Not an idea I’m even contemplating right now.” Mark your “Pushes responsibility to provinces.”

You know, this man is just damn good at this off the cuff stuff. Knitting climate change into the pandemic response with specific examples and big-picture inspiration.

“We’re seeing a lot of people falling prey to conspiracy theories” and calls out the Conservatives specifically for pushing disinformation. Dang! FIRST BLOOD!

Trudeau says he’s not advocating a national lockdown; he’s advocating listening to your premiers and local politicians. Which is a politically inspired way to make sure the negatives associate with anything and anyone other than the federal government.

Since we’re in outerwear seasons I think I should have a square for “Buttons” and one for “Zipper”. The zipper is a Canadian invention, did you know?

“Shout-out to religious holiday” of course, for all the references to Christmas.

“I think a lot of people are done with this,” says Trudeau, sounding VERY VERY DONE WITH THIS.

“It was a blunt object of a tool, a national shutdown. We’re seeing provinces using targeted shutdowns in a much better way. It’s unfair and it’s frustrating. YUP. No question about it. Everyone is sick and tired of this. We need to know that the end is in sight. We need to do one last big effort.”

Oh yeah, we had “the path forward” several times, so mark that square. “Our focus is not on politics. Our focus is on Canadians.” You know, he’s so good at this I would almost even believe him, were I inclined to anything but goth angst these days.

Mark your “Touches face” square as he listens to reporter ask if he can mandate specific ways to force people to use the app. He responds that it should be up to individuals, that making the choice is itself a meaningful act.

Last square is “Outdoors” of course which could have been your first square if you’d been paying attention at the start the way I wasn’t because I was too busy trying to get the coffee into me.

Meanwhile, in the US:

Yes, kittens, irony is indeed well and truly dead.

Save Jeremy Hammond

Jeremy Hammond is free!

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Chelsea. w0rmer. Kahuna. t0piary. Owen. Barrett Brown. Other Anons by the score. Even Julian (for at least a bit). Freed.

And now Jeremy. After eight long years.

A year ago this week Jeremy Hammond was arrested for his alleged involvement with Anonymous and though many have, we have not and will not forget his contributions nor will we forgive those prosecuting him. The circumstances surrounding Jeremy Hammond’s arrest are questionable at best and the circumstances now surrounding his trial are but salt on those wounds. The intent of those seeking the prosecution of our fellow Anons is clear, they wish to set a precedent and make examples out of our fallen brothers and sisters but they are paid to do so. This is an ideological battle they wish to fight and they will lose because, though you can arrest a few of us, you can not arrest an idea.

FreeAnons

Jeremy Hammond is free. The news was released on Twitter, which Jeremy is almost certainly legally precluded from accessing. Along with the rest of the internet, including the 17 posts about him on The Cryptosphere.

Jeremy Hammond is an anarchist activist of the old school, who was arrested for the hacks associated with AntiSec and tried under a judge who was married to one of the victims of that hack. Which, that’s just The System performing as it was created to. Facing up to 100 years in prison, he eventually pled to a single charge and received ten years, of which he served eight because of time served pre-trial.

A long, terrible era has just come to a close.

Back in his old Chicago stomping grounds but in a halfway house, Hammond almost certainly made McDonald’s his first pitstop, as is traditional for those leaving the American prison system. Even if you missed that part in Ocean’s 11.

Hammond was the heart and soul of AntiSec, a true online Robin Hood who robbed from the rich and literally gave to the poor, using the hacked credit cards to send donations to several organizations and pulling several pranks that included buying a friend of mine a horse. A black stallion, if I recall. He only found out when the breeder phoned to ask how he wanted it delivered. To his apartment in New York.

Friends, you will be shocked to learn he did not want it delivered.

He delivered a contentious and well-remembered DEFCON talk (aren’t they all, though?) in 2004, advocating for electronic civil disobedience. Pretty much Hammond’s standard operating procedure. DEFCON describes it as, “An introduction to the theory of hacktivism and the usage of hacking skills as a means of fighting for social justice by pressuring corporations and government to adopt progressive changes.“

Jeremy Hammond has been a pain in the ass of the establishment for quite some time. He was trapped by the feds in 2012 for allegedly breaching the servers of Stratfor, a capitalist “intelligence” corporation that has been a called a “Private CIA” He’s being charged for stealing a shitload of Stratfor emails and handing them over to WikiLeaks, who dutifully published them. But Hammond’s street cred goes back quite a bit, including the 2004 Republican National Convention. In this video Hammond, goes by the name “CrimethInc” and delivers an impassioned talk about Electronic Civil Disobedience.

submedia

Hammond, more than most incarcerated Anons, became a focal point of the #FreeAnons movement, who even published a children’s book in his honour. He is (or was, ten years ago) pretty much the Platonic ideal of the badass hippie hacktivist, as you can see. After his arrest he and the FBI informant Sabu who turned him in were briefly incarcerated in the same prison. When Hammond was brought in and walked down the halls, he got a standing ovation from the prisoners.

When he was put in charge of teaching the prisoners art, he had them make posters for Anonymous.

And if precedent is any guide, prison won’t have softened him any.

Even if it DID give him contact with the Covid-19 virus.

Some day I’ll tell you about the time Sabu introduced me to Anarchaos on Twitter. The handle belongs to someone else now, but it used to belong to Jeremy Hammond.

Well, that’s basically the whole story. I’d been seeing him around hacktivist circles on Twitter for a couple of days first, and was thinking “Damn, I wish I’d grabbed that Twitter handle.” So I told him I liked his Twitter handle, Sabu was all “Yeah, wanted to get you two together.” And as far as I can remember, that’s the only time we ever talked.

So yeah, some day I’ll tell you that story.

In the meantime, I have a bottle of bubbly that’s been waiting for a damn good excuse, and this? Friends, this is the best excuse imaginable.

Howl of the Covid Briefing Bingo

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Today’s briefing is brought to you by: the 1988 Paul Naschy wolfman movie Howl of the Devil. And by mercifully late starts as one waits for the coffee to brew. Today, as we “enjoy” intermittent flurries, it is a particularly low-energy day, and neither for the first nor the last time I wish I had my trusty espresso machine by my side.

The ‘puter is being super-laggy today, so that’s great. 2020 is 2020ing. I should take some of that juicy CERB and put it towards another machine. If only there were some “made in Canuckistan” ones with no Chinese parts. Oh well, I’m generally doing pretty well on that Boycott China thing. And hey, found my new Christmas cards already:

Charlie Brown has gone full “Fuck around and find out.”

But to the Briefing! Here are all our Briefing Bingo cards. Play one or play them all. Or play an idiosyncratic subset. The hell I care?

And all the previous bingo episodes are on the Briefing Bingo Category page. 

Mark your “starts more than ten minutes late” and “My aunt calls during the briefing” and “Reporter sits in the front row,” a reporter I’m not entirely sure is wearing pants. Choose the colour of your leggings carefully, people!

Here we go:

At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. The prime minister is joined by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, the deputy chief public health officer.
Actually, I DO recommend that mashup

The Related Video list for today’s CPAC #Covid19 Briefing from YouTube is a thing of beauty and consternation. Madonna’s “Dress You Up”, noir jazz which is the perfect 2020 soundtrack, and a mashup that begins with the immortal words “Okay, are you ready to go? Let’s start this motherfucker up.” Took the words right out of my mouth. By all means, let us do even so.

CBC is so passive-aggressive. They literally couldn’t be more Canadian if they tried. Just take a look at the thumbnail on their version of the live coverage. Compare and contrast to the CPAC one in the video up there.

Cheery opening to the briefing, and by “cheery” I mean bleak because it’s #2020, with new record high diagnosis rates in several provinces and Nunavut too. “Begins in English” square active. And a story about “Jonathon” in Ontario (hello Doug Ford, are you listening?) who values the economy, but values the lives of his friends and family more. Be like Jonathon. And Trudeau reminds people that doing the best things to protect friends and family is also doing the best thing to protect the economy, because dead people don’t buy shit. Well, he only implied that last part. I may be paraphrasing slightly.

And we get another reminder that federal supports to the provinces “are not infinite”. That’s the politest threat you’ll ever hear. Make no mistake: it is a threat.

“Second wave” active now and “Vaccine” and also “CBC cadence” and “app”. Haven’t had the CBC cadence in a long time; seems like I’m not the only person whose batteries are running down.

Speaking of apps:

https://twitter.com/gatzby_/status/1328836860349612035
https://twitter.com/gatzby_/status/1328837163765559296
https://twitter.com/redmcgraw1/status/1328695179071647745

302192 cases and 11000 deaths so far says Dr. Tam. 6.6 positive rate, which is gruesome and three times the rate of the spring. And the disease is spreading more in the elderly too, in co-op living, long term care homes, and hospitals. Full info on the Health website.

Oh, now we are apparently “planking” the curve. We were just “bending” it last week. I like bending better; it sounds like a surf movie. Planking sounds like work.

Mark off your “Dr. Tam’s red and black jacket” square and “Begins in English” and “Blue Suit” for Trudeau, from back when the briefing cards only included him because we all thought this would be over before shirtsleeves weather, and what fools we were. Ah, how innocent!

In Other Yet Simultaneous Conversation news, nothing I like better than getting thrown into a Twittercanoe about TERFs that resulted from a misunderstanding that could have been cleared up in 30 seconds if they talked to the person who made the error. So productive. MUTE CONVERSATION.

Question time:

Mark your “Touches face” square. And there’s a “Sorry” in there too.

Beautiful question about Scheer hiring his inlaws and the inlaws hiring his family. Bunted by Trudeau back to the Conservatives. “Shades the Tories” square active. And “Shades Harper” as well.

I HATE that I’m about to defend Andrew Scheer hiring his wife’s sister on any level, but here goes. There’s what’s allowable within the rules and what isn’t, and then there’s what bothers us and smells bad and what doesn’t. These are, importantly, different things. #cdnpoli 1/6

Yasmin Ratansi hiring her own sister was outside the rules as written. That’s a bright line. Scheer hiring his wife’s sister – we may not like it, but he hasn’t literally violated the rule. Is the line arbitrary and stupid? Maybe. But the difference still matters. #cdnpoli 2/6

There’s always going to be outrage and finger-pointing in the gray areas. We’ll never agree when it’s debatable, and partisanship will always rule the day. So we need, at absolutely minimum, to agree that when someone steps over a bright line rule that’s different. #cdnpoli 3/6

Call out Scheer if you want, call out Poilievre and others for their hiring and their hypocrisy. Have at it. But don’t obliterate the difference between inside the rules and outside the rules as you do it. The damage you’ll cause goes far beyond partisanship. #cdnpoli 4/6

Rules matter because they’re objective. Only people utterly determined to deny reality (coughTRUMPcough) fail to acknowledge them. If the rules suck then we make better rules. We don’t argue that the rules are unimportant or meaningless. That’s a death spiral. #cdnpoli 5/6

Without agreement that rules matter, all we’ve got left is a competition to be most outraged. And be outraged if you want, perhaps with good cause! Just don’t forget or deny that violating the actual rule, and outrage over a perceived wrong, are not the same thing. #cdnpoli 6/6

Originally tweeted by Jeff Rybak🍁😷 (@JeffRybak) on November 17, 2020.

Late-breaking update, OOOOH POPCORN TIME!

dis gon be gud

I really do need a square for “Fails to translate the answer”. Cuz my French is still ass. And you can just SEE my English.

Also “Snowbirds” needs to be on the next card. Florida is, clearly, the hill on which many Ontario seniors choose to die. It’s not THAT nice. Should we accept that request from the Turks and Caicos to take them over, turn Canada into an imperial power, just so we can have a safe and Canadian-government-run warm place to send our dimmer elders for a few months each year? Because when they go to Florida they bring all those nasty Murikkan cooties back with them.

And people wonder why I want to go back to BC

But seriously, isn’t that just what Victoria is for?

In related news, when some of those snowbirds returned in the spring, they apparently returned to entire communities they were barred by law from entering (see below). Maybe, I dunno, buy a real house if you’re rich enough to have more than one? These people bought houses in wintery zones that are not winter-proofed; apparently they rely on being able to leave the country when the weather changes. And when the epidemiological weather changed, their gated communities shut their gates against them.

https://twitter.com/RobbieCanuk/status/1328751623858958337

“Drinks water” square now active. And “From the beginning” too. Good question about the reluctance to mandate a lockdown. There’s your “Gesticulates” square, Very Low Energy Day continues.

Random thought: Are masks with amusing words on them today’s slogan tees? Will we see articles about how unprofessional they are soon in Working Woman magazine? (spoiler alert: we will not, because it folded years ago)

A bit late with this, but mark your “Strenuous nod” square on the sixth generation card. Trudeau, not Freeland this time. Too bad: she’s an outstanding nodder, as well as a sharp dresser and probably the finance minister who will bring in UBI for Canadians.

Am I stanning? I feel like I’m stanning. < /stanning >

Oh yes, there’s your “Swaps out sign language interpreters” square. Did I already say “Second Wave” square is active? Mark it if you haven’t already. This damn computer is so laggy after the last upgrades that I’ll have to come up with a different way to do this next time. There’s your “Pushes responsibility to provinces” and “PPE” squares.

Multiple references to Christmas, so mark your “religious holiday” square, like twenty times. You just know if the Tories had a handy Jewish person they’d make a stink about the lack of other holidays mentioned, but they don’t and we all know it. There are Reasons For Things.

And Trudeau’s out. There’s your “Maple Leaf Accessory” and “Wears Mask” from the first generation card. And “Brown shoes with blue suit WHICH IS JUST MORALLY WRONG”. Justin, my late mother wants to have a word with you. She’s not so much angry as disappointed. The camera followed him out, but nobody was speaking, so no square for you!

Dr. Tam is “pushing responsibility to provinces” like a pro. But after six months, she IS a pro at this. We do need more uniformity across provinces and territories in the medical realm and PARTICULARLY in the coverage aspect. And mark your “Touches microphone” square too.

And Dr. Njoo is giving you his trademark “button down Oxford shirt” so mark that square. “Gesticulates with a pen” needs to be on the next bingo card for sure.

Dr Njoo’s pin looks an awful lot like a Mont Order pin. Weird. I rather doubt he’s part of the Order. Of course we have “Someone wears glasses” because Dr. Njoo is there.

That’s good. Testing at a higher rate than usual for the flu, but we’ve got a vastly lower rate of infection this year, in part because of the uptake in vaccinations, which reminds me to get mine. And mark your “Flu vaccine” square.

YAY! Mark your “Hockey” square FINALLY! ‘Bout time this was CANADA, amirite?

And now a question about how while the initially projected deaths 9 months ago were estimated to be around 10,000, we now have 11,000, something referred to as “a massive difference.” Well, uh. I’m on the fence. Was that a “Stupid gotcha question” or not? After all, the difference between 10,000 and 11,000 is only one thousand, not “massive.” I need to add a square for “Dr Tam explains basic science and/or math and/or logic”. She does it really well, too.

Dr Njoo makes a good point about Covid fatigue changing all the other risk factors. People know about masks and distancing, but they’re emotionally exhausted and deliberately saying “Fuckit. Fuckit just a little bit, just this once. Again.” I may be paraphrasing slightly.

And mark your “Technical difficulties” square as my internet briefly went down. Like I need yet another issue.

And we’re done. I’ll review later tonight and add in all the squares I missed because of logistical issues. It really doesn’t work to tab back and forth between the video. For once in my life I want another monitor, like a gamer.

And now for a slightly different perspective on the questions:

Its stupid question time! Up first Globe n Mail and of course stupid Scheer question. Follow up so so but still hoping Trudeau plays to hedes which he doesnt. Nat Post, decent yet rambling Q on rcmp, with crap interjection in middle, but eventually finishes Q ( simply your position on rcmp info report would do) follow up on recommendations ( after review of course). cdn press, oh good grief, do your homework, believe those supply chains set up under harper shipbuilding and davie bankrupt at time, but hey good work ..lol follow up, sigh cpc huawei bs, good grief, tho brings up michaels, ps PM not gonna negotiate in media. Cdn press anglo, oh boy snowbird Q, can you comment on stupid morons please ( ignoring travel advisory posted, but please attack cdns for good headline). Ctv now, holy shit stupid framing, and the old lets ask 3 Qs rolled in one, please ignore jurisdiction and provs refusing to give ok to feds, are you afraid, cripes like the girl on school yard screaming Fight fight fight you chicken.. Radio canada cppa act, oh this seems like good q, but doesn’t seem well asked but anglo translation could be reason for that. Star – Qs about vaccines, good Q and first one on vaccines, not designed for clickbait hedes. @raincoaster card must be filled by now.

Originally tweeted by Lori King (@1loriking) on November 17, 2020.

I haven’t actually gone through the cards to see what’s been filled out and what has not been (That’s YOUR job YES YOU) but it sounds like a good project I could do while knitting or doomscrolling, so why not? I am sure we have ONE line completed, but I’d put good money down that we’ve not completed any of the cards in its entirety. I mean, we got “Blue Steel” once, but we’re never gonna get “Ascot” are we? Or “Attack and Dethrone God?” Anarchists the world over are praying for that one; but to whom? I asks yez.

I don’t know why I even try. I’m NEVER getting an rt.

And you have no answers for me. None of us have the answers.

Meanwhile, in the US:

https://twitter.com/disclosetv/status/1328761505102356484

Curt notice about our sudden return

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Halp! My old friend and colleague Curt Hopkins needs a hand conquering The Big C. Donate, share, support. The world needs its poets! Here is the direct link to the fundraiser.

raincoaster's avatarThe Cryptosphere

We were enjoying our comfortable semi-retirement in the Age of Covidia, in the Sleepiest National Capital in the Entire World, kittens, as a kept blogger supported by the World’s Hottest Prime Minister, when all of a sudden something happened to jar us suddenly, and most unpleasantly, awake. And into action.

Longtime readers, poetry buffs, and befuddled sysadmins alike will recall our regular versical news commentary column Numbers, written by the lovely and talented Curt Hopkins of Oregon and San Francisco.

Numbers is a weekly news commentary column in poetical form by Curt Hopkins. “Numbers” is an historic term for poetry, and also alludes to the numbers in programming.

Curt, it seems, needs our help. And because we are firmly #TeamCurt around these parts (I mean, how could you not be; the man’s a tie knot nerd and a gifted poet!) we are asking you to join…

View original post 264 more words

Frankenstein's Bloody Terror poster

Frankenstein’s Covid Briefing Bingo

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Three in one week, kittens! Three Covid briefings in a single week! For fans of the bingo, this is great news; for fans of public health and individual well-being, not so great news.

Covid-19 is definitely a case of “no news is good news,” at least in countries where the government is not in the Fake News business every day, on purpose, as a matter of policy and a perfect expression of everything it stands for. Jesus! Where will it end? How low do you have to stoop in that country to be President?

Yet again, we should listen to Linus. And Descartes.

Meanwhile, in the US:

https://twitter.com/jasonintrator/status/1327349611271434240

Sorry, where was I?

Right, I was about to explain that I’m pre-blogging some of this in order to make sure we’re ready to go tomorrow at 11:30am precisely, whereupon we will all sit around waiting for five or ten minutes like usual. And that today’s episode is brought to you by the Paul Naschy classic Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror, the foundational Wolf Man movie, which you must admit has a schlock-o-riffic trailer, to say nothing of the poster.

The face that launched a million silver bullets

We got bored, kittens. Bored, and angry. And you wouldn’t like us when we are bored and angry. People were sharing our cards around without giving credit to your ever-so-humble-and-forgiving blogger, and you know what that does to us. But instead of bothering you, we simply sulked around the house all day annoying the roommate, huffing loudly, and updating the briefing bingo cards so that they all contain an active hyperlink to this very blog. Just try and share those around Slack without crediting the source NOW!

Ahem. Where was I? Other than arbitrarily using the glamorous second-person plural, the Eva Gabor of pronouns? About to tell you a long, involved joke about a screenwriter with writer’s block and an elf who comes to his rescue and what happens when the elf asks for credit, because writers are super touchy about credit, but sorry, where was I?

Oh right, about to post the game cards:

And all the previous bingo episodes are on the Briefing Bingo Category page. Earlier ones have the content in the comments section, because we were trying something new, okay? Not every experiment has to work out, OKAY?

Whew. Can you tell it’s been 12 hours since I had a coffee?

Our cast of characters for today are:

  • Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (so posh he has TWO Twitter accounts)
  • Minister of Employment, Workforce Development and Disability Inclusion Carla Qualtrough
  • Chief Public Health Officer of Canada Dr. Theresa Tam
  • Deputy Chief Public Health Officer of Canada Dr. Howard Njoo (either a non- or a stealth-tweeter)
  • And President of the Queen’s Privy Council and Minister of Intergovernmental Affairs Dominic Leblanc

And here they are:

At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau makes an announcement and provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined by federal ministers Carla Qualtrough (employment, workforce development and disability inclusion) and Dominic LeBlanc (intergovernmental affairs), as well as Dr. Theresa Tam (Canada’s chief public health officer) and Dr. Howard Njoo (the deputy chief public health officer).

Okay, let’s do this!

Before everyone arrives you can mark off “someone appears by video screen.” You can mark it off twice, in fact. And also “Starts more than ten minutes late” which is on the sixth generation card if I recall.

And we’re off. I think that’s enough French to tick the “Starts in French”.

Good lord, 1500 cases diagnosed in Ontario, 5000 new cases in Canada. Trudeau says we could be facing 6500 new cases per day in Ontario by mid-December, which is staggering. People, stay the fuck home. Doug Ford, listen to your big buddy.

On a superficial note, tick off your “blue suit” box and “Pushes responsibility to provinces” box. And “Vaccine”. I’m gonna HAVE to put “bend the curve” on the next bingo card. We are apparently no longer “flattening” it. “Bend the curve” sounds like the title of a surfing movie; I bet Trudeau came up with it.

Oh, there’s your “Names Biden” square, is it not? I was not paying close attention because I just remembered my coffee is sitting in the kitchen. Do I have a “Now more than ever” square? If so, mark it.

Everyone’s favourite square, “Finds a new way to give Canadians money”, is active now. And “foreshadows an announcement to be made by someone who is named”, the most awkwardly-named square.

Here is the PM’s post about the details:

The Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, today announced the details of an investment of $1.5 billion in the Workforce Development Agreements (WDAs) with provinces and territories. This investment will help Canadians in underrepresented groups and those in sectors that have been hardest hit by the pandemic – such as construction, transportation, and hospitality – quickly access supports to re-enter the workforce. It could include skills training, on-the-job training, employer-sponsored training, financial assistance and benefits, employment counselling and services, and job opportunities. This funding is in addition to the $3.4 billion provided to provinces and territories in 2020-21 under the WDAs and Labour Market Development Agreements (LMDAs).

Helping Canadians develop the skills they need to find good jobs

Ah, there’s “Flatten the curve” which sounds practically retro in these days of bending it. And “Flu shot” and “app”. Trudeau is all, “for the love of god, people, don’t just download the app, USE IT!”.

I like how Qualtrough has kid’s art on the wall. Tick your “Someone wears glasses” box. Money for training got my attention, for sure. $1.5 billion for job training will certainly make a big difference. Now we’re on to Dr Tam.

55,000 are being tested daily with a roughly 6% positive result. I’ll come back and insert further specifics in a bit. Gotta go grab my coffee.

Yay for Twitter:

Full summary of today’s federal Covid-19 situation is on this page

And yes, this is your fault people: family gatherings, birthday parties, social occasions are how it is spreading and why it’s spiking now. “Layering our protection practices is the best protection.” And mark your “three C’s” square. Dr. Tam hands it over to Dr. Njoo and I dash out to the kitchen to get my coffee.

First question is about gun violence and where’s the long-promised federal money for gun violence prevention. Trudeau avoids answering the specific question and gives a “we continue to fight gun violence and will introduce new legislation.” Second is about how or IF the feds and the premiers are working together, specifically Doug Ford and the federal government; this is your “is the bromance over?” question. Tick the “Bromance” box.

“From the beginning” square active. Next card should have “Whatever it takes, as long as it takes”. And mark your “Throat malfunction” square; is it time for another swabbing, perhaps?

Mark your “Sign language interpreters swapped out” again. Trudeau is now stressing that the federal government can help, but there can be a point where they can no longer, if the rate spikes too much, enough to swamp healthcare. Thus, it’s imperative to flatten or bend or squash or nuke the curve.

Nothing I like better than lag time on the computer that means an entire paragraph is hanging in the ether while the Archons read it, but mere humans cannot. Mark your technical difficulties square.

And there’s “Drinks water”. And I should have a square for “Trudeau fails to translate the answer into the other official language.”

Question about the meeting of the PM and Premiers: why was it not mentioned on the readout. Trudeau says he’s been talking about it for months (implied, weren’t you paying attention?) And mark “PPE” and “From the very beginning” squares.

Question about dirty spy tricks by the Chinese government. Trudeau gives concerned face and talks about “coercive diplomacy”. Mark your “Two Michaels” square. Oooh, mentions the Uighurs. Didn’t think we’d get that. And yeah, I need a square for “Rule of law” because these people are neoliberals after all; it’s gonna be a perennial. I admit, I’m rather proud I could spell “Uighurs” without having to look it up. Yay, my 2/3rds of a degree is paying off!

Nice question about “do the different rising numbers mean different provinces are doing better or worse at dealing with the pandemic” which, duh. Trudeau reiterates the federal government is there to “support” provinces, businesses, citizens. And says provinces need to bring in rules about gatherings and behaviours, best practices, which is the strongest statement yet really. Again he says that we just need to take responsibility; it can’t JUST be up to individuals, but it is significantly up to individuals.

The pressure is clearly on the premiers now to answer to the public for what they have or have not done with the federal money. And Trudeau will always push responsibility to the provinces. He’s all “I can lead that horse to water, but drinking is up to them.”

[editor’s note: “horticulture” joke goes here]

“What we do in the coming days or weeks will determine what we get to do at Christmas.” Mark your “shout out to religious holiday” square. Did you know Trudeau is a Christmas baby? I have a friend who was born on Christmas, and she’s always been annoyed that she’s the one person who’s never had a free meal from Denny’s. And her family cheaps out, only giving her one set of presents rather than two; do you think Trudeau’s ever had a free meal from Denny’s for his birthday?

“Are you satisfied with what the provinces are doing with the federal support money?” Today is “ask questions that make the federal government look good and the provinces look like money-squandering yokels” day.

“We will continue” needs to be a square. Mark your “Mask” and “Maple leaf accessory” squares. And Trudeau is out.

“Winter is coming” should have been a square, oh well. Dr Tam is talking about how challenging it is for individuals to resist the urge to connect face to face with their friends and family. Winter means people will be indoors, air will be recirculated.

And there’s your “Stupid gotcha question” and Dr. Tam’s response is basically “This is how science works.” And “We answered this previously, but we’ll be happy to forward you the references if you want.”

If there was a drug that made you impassive in the face of hostile stupidity to a Dr Tam level, I would take it.

Now a question about how measles is spiking around the world, a good reminder that Dr. Tam is not just in charge of the Covid response. She says we haven’t seen a spike here, and reiterates that vaccinations are important. Follow-up question about home testing kits for Covid, and mark your “rapid testing” square. Dr. Tam says that tests are only of use after you get sick, and she’d rather focus on the prevention. “It is not a substitution for the other measures. I think we should look at everything, but right now it’s not an option that’s available.”

Question about why, given the negative outlook, the PM is talking about the possibility of people getting together for Christmas. Dr. Tam says “you can have a fun safe holiday connection if you do it safely.” and is VERY doubtful we can have a regular Christmas. “No one is advocating parties,” she says.

Holy shit, that reminds me: my Christmas ghost story anthology was supposed to have been out last month, but I can’t even finish it because of the Covid closures.

“Do you still trust the Ontario government to make these kinds of decisions?” oooh that’s the most pointed question I’ve ever heard at one of these briefings. Dr Njoo says “Our job is to look at the science and give our advice and recommendations to our political masters, and I’m sure that’s what is happening on the provincial level.”

I was wondering if Minister Leblanc would get to speak. Seems a waste to have him sitting there, not even giving a speechette/blurb. But now he gets one. My French is not good enough to follow it, but YAY thanks to random internet connections on gossip sites, I now have my very own French tutor! Bilingualism shall be mine again!

Mark the “rapid tests” square. Dr. Tam says that the country has deployed 3.8 million but doesn’t have the provincial breakouts off the top of her head.

Q: “Can you be more vivid about the consequences of 10,000 cases a day?” Even The Roommate has to laugh out loud at that. Um. Wow. Dr Tam responds we’re at close to 5000 a day now, we’re scaling back on routine surgery, concerned about ICU resources. Healthcare workers are already exhausted. She and Dr Njoo say, “Just look at Europe.” Nobody wants to be Northern Italy in the spring of 2020, for sure.

https://twitter.com/altabellebf/status/1327310718081720320
https://twitter.com/altabellebf/status/1327313549929005057
All of those things, of course, are provincial political responsibilities, not federal medical ones

Dammit, I’ve got as square for “Hockey” but but not one for “Basketball” despite it having been invented a few miles away. Question is about the Raptors being clear they want to play games at home. Dr. Tam says Dr. Njoo is the sports expert, hands the question off to him saying, “The ball is in your court” which gets an audible laugh, which, also, should be a square. I better get working on the Seventh Generation square.

And we’re done.