Hey Girl, do you want a robust social safety net? I got you.
But you totally DO need it, you know?
Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest challenge faced by contemporary news organizations (besides rapacious owners; don’t get me started) is that of enticing readers, listeners, watchers, away from the never-ending stream of infotainment which surrounds us. Never mind getting them to actually pay attention to the news.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have, at long last and at uncounted expense, solved that problem. I mean, it didn’t cost me anything, but I also didn’t count it, so … that.
The solution? We can finally reveal it:
Bingo cards.
Oh, come on. You’ve been on Twitter. You know how this works. You know this works. You’ve played this, don’t pretend that you haven’t. We’ve taken the old jokey cultural trope bingo game and updated it, giving an entire nation a reason (finally!) to skip out on this “work from home” nonsense (these crazy kids and their crazy ideas to integrate work and life in a holistic, effortless, and sustainable way, pssssshhhhhhh, whatever) and tune in to the daily briefing on the Covid-19 crisis from Prime Minister Zoolander Trudeau.
And yes, we know contemporary audiences have short attention spans, so we’ve built a few tricks into this most competitive of game boards. In order to complete your board, you’ll have to watch on multiple days. Yes, we are just that hardass around these parts.
Enough prelude, on to the downloadable game board. Yes, there can be only one.
You can print it out or just edit the PDF as you go along, and play along live on Twitter (follow @raincoaster, who will be calling out the squares live unless she {I} sleep[s] in again) and the Canadian tv network of your choice or YouTube at 11am EST each weekday.
raincoaster 
Today we had:
Gesticulations
Begins in French
Facial Hair
Drinks Water
That’s all for May 19. See you tomorrow at 11am!
Reblogged this on #OpCovid19 and commented:
Attention, Canadians! Here’s a Canadian edition of Daily Briefing Bingo, heavy on the “Blue Steel” and light on the hydroxychloroquine. British and US versions also exist, and we’ll link those up soon.
Play together, apart. Play safe, friends.
May 21 squares that have not yet been ticked:
Brushes Hair Back
CBC Cadence! YES! I knew it would happen!
Begins in French yet again, may have to convert Begins in English to a free square, because I think he always starts in French.
May 20:
Brushes hair back; get this man some Elnett!
Addresses reporter by name
Okay, that’s brought us up to date. See you at 11am EST on the CBC YouTube channel.
Bringing you up to date for May 25 and 26:
Thousand Yard Stare. That report on retirement homes must be a shocker, judging by this.
Touches Face
Drinks Water
Deflects responsibility to provinces
Begins with English is, of course, a free square now, because he always
Begins with French
CBC Cadence
See you tomorrow at 11am! New cards available this Friday. We are one “Clean Shaven” away from completing this card!
The Daily Briefing Bingo for May 28:
Drinks Water
Haircut is questionable: we need an expert opinion here. Decision deferred until consultation, hopefully we’ll have an answer tomorrow.
Gesticulates
Touches Face
If he DID get a haircut, we are a mere “Dimples” away from completing our first line! Just a reminder that everyone is a winner in this game! Well, maybe not your roommate who wants to go back to his Mrs Brown’s Boys recordings, but he’ll thank you later.
No daily briefing bingo today, because no daily briefing. Nobody tells me nuthing.
At least I found the link I need: https://pm.gc.ca/en/news/itineraries
Friday’s Daily Briefing is at 10:30am because Prime Minister Zoolander wants me to wake up even earlier. https://pm.gc.ca/en/news/itineraries/2020/05/28/prime-ministers-itinerary-friday-may-29-2020
Friday, May 29th’s Briefing Bingo results:
Deflects responsibility to provinces
Drinks water
Gesticulation
Touches Face
Squares still in play:
Colourful Socks
That Blue Plaid Jacket
Jeans
Haircut
Blue Steel
Begins with English
“From Coast to Coast to Coast”
Name-checks Dr. Theresa Tam
Shout-out to religious holiday
Cleanshaven
Precipitation
Ascot
June 1, WE HAVE A NEW Square ticked! Yes, “Begins in English” has been ticked! I’m so excited!
Also:
Drinks water
Gesticulates (He always does when it’s time to answer press questions)
CBC Cadence
Deflects responsibility to provinces
Whew, it was a long day. Slept through my alarm and watched the world go to hell, analyzed an army of Kpop bots, and walked a journalist through the history of Anonymous’ internal wars. Some fun. Let’s never do this again.
Been sick, got a few days to catch up on. Officially negative for Covid-19, so that’s good at least.
Here we go for Friday, June 5.
A very low output briefing: Touches Face, Drinks Water, and Gesticulates.
Thursday, June 4:
Touches Face, Drinks Water, Gesticulates, arguable Thousand Yard Stare when talking about Hong Kong.
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