Naughty Wet and Wild Swedish Beaver!

Beaver SwedishGranny got tail!

Naughty, naughty beaver! Keep your tail away from innocent Swedish grannies, be they never so wrinkled and asking for it.

Word comes from the banks of the Bottena that a wild Swedish beaver went crazy at the sight of an elderly swimmer and indulged in an orgy of slapping and physical violence.

“The beaver attacked the grandmother. She was seriously hit by the animal’s tail and received a number of bites and scratches,” an officer told the newspaper.

Surely not the first or last time that someone has regretted an encounter with really wild beaver.

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Mansinthe: booze o’ the day!

Marilyn MansonI’m not sure I’m up for this. Thanks (?) to Caddie, I’ve sampled actual absinthe, and I must say the experience was about as pleasurable as a fluoride treatment at the dentist‘s.

Now, apparently aware that there is essentially nothing you can do to make absinthe taste worse than it already does, Marilyn Manson is issuing his own brand of the noxious substance.

No word on who gets to “milk” him.

Now, if Trent Reznor wants to bottle his manjuice, I’ll take a case of it.

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WWTJD? What would Tom Jones do?

Well, it’s a question. When I was little I used to ask myself what Anne Murray would do…then it became Kate Jackson. Yeah, that’s how old I am!

In any case, men can do a lot worse than to ask themselves: What Would Tom Jones Do? Think about it: rudderless milquetoasts everywhere suddenly become assertive, seductive, sweaty, ice-cool, red hot, and Welsh-American-accented!

From CulturePulp, by Mike Russell

What Would Tom Jones Do?

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a little late for Pride weekend

Still, better late than never. Here’s a delightful musical number from The Kids in the Hall‘s movie Brain Candy.

Machu PicchuMy friends Jaime and Terry took me to see that when I was going through chemo and not getting out of the house much. This was about the stage where the little hair I had left was as thin as a baby’s and you could see the shape of my skull right through it. Let me tell you, not everyone can carry off the Sinead O’Connor look. Natalie Portman, with her beautifully rounded cranium, is a lucky bitch: my head looked far too much like Machu Picchu for my liking.

In any case, I had never seen my friends squirm as much as they did at this movie, which they did in unison, at the precise moment that Cancer Boy came on. I swear to god, they are each over six feet tall but within seconds they could easily have fit in a shoebox, they shrank so much. Also assumed the fetal position. I think their testicles are still retracted.

I never laughed so hard!

So here’s another snippet of the movie, for all the Friends of Dorothy on the ol’ raincoaster blog.

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what if…the Brontë sisters had a heavy metal band?

SpyStolen from the greatest magazine in the history of recorded thought, Spy, via the greatest blog based on blogging the best dead magazine in recorded thought in recorded thought, Ten Years Ago in Spy.

“What If the Brontë Sisters Had Been in a Heavy-Metal Band?”

[Wouldn’t they be Kittie?]

1826
Emily rejects ritual indoctrination in the domestic arts; vows to create a “towering wall of sounds.”
1842
Anne throws straw-poke bonnet into seething concert crowd at Albert Hall.
1849
Charlotte returns to public house to trash furniture and have sex with publican; locks manager, Mrs. Rochester, in attic.

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