Yes, that is an actual ad. Over 12 billion served…what enquiring minds want to know is: just what were they served? And is there any truth in the rumour that when you cut a Big Mac in half it crawls in two different directions?
Today’s Kick-Ass Award Goes To: Phoebe Cates
“I feel safer in New York knowing that Phoebe Cates is looking out for me.”
It seems that former delicate flower of brunettitude and current Keven Kline spouse Phoebe Cates has turned ass-kicking vengence machine. Here is the whole story. I guess we can all sleep a little better, knowing that Phoebe is out there in the darkness, waiting, watching.
“I asked his mother’s name, and he didn’t know it. He told me, ‘I just call her Mom.’ They were pretty stupid.”
Operation Global Media Domination: the market for Atwood shrinks apace!
Peggy, take note!
For what it’s worth, blog posts featuring Margaret Atwood are half as popular as posts with Gay Pirates, which are themselves half as popular as posts featuring Giant Squid, which are in turn half as popular as posts of Stephen Hawking’s Christmas Album.
But none of them approach the media Juggernaut that is The Feminine Hygene Post!
Let’s Roll-ins
I was saving pictures, in preparation for making this post, when I experienced a nomenclature crisis. Now, it is not every day that one experiences a crisis of nomenclatory parameters, but it was, indeed, this day. I was, as I explained, saving pictures. And one of the things you have to do when you do that is give them all different names. The problem was, they were all pictures of Henry Rollins, and the only thing that came to mind when looking at these pictures, besides a powerful urge to crawl under the desk and cover my vitals with the office chair, were the words “Rollins Angry.” Eventually I settled on “Rollins Angry,” “Rollins Threatening,” “Rollins Screaming,” and “Rollins Not Actively Menacing Anything.”
Would you mess with this man?
Well, Sploid reports that a couple of hapless Aussies have. In the case of the first one, I don’t blame Rollins for going somewhat apeshitish, particularly as that is the Rollins default. In the case of the second, I think he was out of line for killing the messenger, although that is surely a longstanding, if snivelly and tyrannical, political tradition, and therefore possibly considered acceptable, at least in DC and LA.
No, no Henry, I wasn’t saying anything. Don’t mind me. Nothing to see here…
In any case, here is the article, in its glorious entirety. I’m too scared to take it out of context. Kudos to Rollins, though, for being one of the few who can distinguish between the role of the military in Iraq and the role of the politicians. Sucky enough? I don’t wanna get beat up.
‘The Aussie PM can go f@ck himself’
On a recent flight from New Zealand to Australia a man found himself seated next to a musclebound gentleman reading a book bearing the ominous tile “Jihad: The Rise Of Militant Islam In Central Asia.”
He did what any hopelessly paranoid slab of quivering milquetoast would do: He reported the guy to Australia’s National Security hotline.
That guy was punk rock legend Henry Rollins.
Rollins received a letter warning him of his status as a suspected terrorist from a “nice lady” in the Australian government:
The person who sat next to you on the flight from New Zealand does not agree with your politics or choice of reading and so nominated you as a possible threat. As they were too cowardly or stupid to leave their details I can’t call them to discuss their idiocy with them.
In his response to the kindly tipster the former Black Flag frontman noted the irony that the book is written by a reporter from the Wall Street Journal, one of America’s more conservative newspapers, and was published by Yale University, President Bush’s alma mater.
The D.C. native then asked the woman to send along a message to her higher-ups:
Please tell your government and everyone in your office to go f*ck themselves. Tell them twice. If your boss is looking for something to do, you can tell him I suggest he go f*ck himself. Baghdad‘s safer than my hometown and your PM is a sissy. You have a nice night.
Though firmly against the war in Iraq and no fan of President Bush, Rollins is an unassailable patriot and supporter of the Armed Services. During the Christmas season he made his sixth USO tour.
“The troops, they’re my heroes,” Rollins said. “You don’t need me out there like some Tokyo Rose. I wouldn’t go on a tear on Bush out there, because it’d be distracting.”
Yes Sir!
Anything you say, Henry. Now can I have your number?
Operation Global Media Domination: Playing the Numbers
Sooooo, there I was, feeling all smug and such. My parents, I thought, had they lived to see this day, would have been proud of their little girl. If, that is, they could figure out what I was talking about which, given the track record there is, come to think of it, unlikely.
I was in the top 1.5 million blogs on Technorati.
I felt rather chest-bustingly proud, myself. If this continues, I’ll be Page Three material in no time.
But that was before I knew the real numbers.
There are 29.8 million blogs on Technorati, and in one week of existence this blog has jumped to the top five percent.
Just as soon as I scrape together enough pennies for a drink, I’ll celebrate.
Power to the people!
