Daily Archives: July 9, 2007

All I want for my birthday

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In answer to Stiletto‘s inquiry, all I want for my birthday is this:

Well, except for the sock on the jaw. Wouldn’t your life be just intrinsically cooler if everything you said was witty and subtitled, even if it was just in English?

Ah, but who will be my Nicky?

Anyway, that’s what I want, along with dinner at Delilah’s or yeah, maybe Connor Butler (gotta luv a six foot punk rock blond teddybear chef who greets you with “HEY WOW RAINCOASTER’S HERE!!! I mean he actually calls me raincoaster), and a nice bottle of Bombay Sapphire, Plymouth, or the now-discontinued and hence rare Malacca gin from Tanqueray. Oh, and a bottle of Campari and a bottle of Cinzano red vermouth, because those Negronis aren’t gonna make themselves, baby!

That’s what I want.

What I’ll probably get is something more like this:

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Harry Potter, Marilyn Monroe, and Chewbacca: when wookiees attack!

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Chewbacca

What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a repeat offender.

Chewbacca, a Wookiee listing his occupation as “co-pilot,” is the prime suspect in a sexual assault on the blonde bombshell Marilyn Monroe which took place during the long-awaited and star-studded premiere of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix at the illustrious Kodak Theatre.

CBS has the deets:

…Chewbacca … sexually assaulted … Marilyn Monroe … in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood in June. The wookie then evaded arrest, police said.

According to an officer with the LAPD, Chewbacca allegedly took the platinum-coiffed actress’s hand and placed it on his private parts as the characters performed for tips from tourists…

Hey, now that I think of it, just exactly what was he trying to perform, and how much will tourists pay to see that?

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