I tried to tell you. I tried to tell you why:

• Why the Eyjafjallajokull volcano is exploding.
• Why Iceland is turning into ash and either going up in smoke or sinking into the sea.
• Why Bjork is a star.
• Why every place that isn’t turning into ash or sitting under its cloud is having earthquakes.
• Why our moral centre is crumbling all around us.
• Why all our common assumptions are being turned upside-down.
• Why the most newsworthy political party in the US isn’t even a political party.
• Why our elaborate and sophisticated transportation system has come to a complete halt.
• Why Sandra Bullock‘s husband turned out to be a swine.
• Why there’s a bull market for the Seven Deadly Sins and none for shame.
• Why the world brought the KFC Double Down upon itself.
• What happened to Lindsay Lohan’s face.
• Why Jesus needs new PR.
• Why…Justin Bieber.

Just why.

It’s really very, very simple. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then here are three thousand words plus a few extra which, together, explain everything:

In this picture you can clearly see that the “volcanic” phenomenon are actually caused by the return of Godzilla. This is consistent with previous Godzilliandamage and destruction to property manifestations: fire breath, atmospheric disturbances, , disrespect of rule of international law, atomic disturbances and worldwide panic. Obviously, last time we buried Him so deep He dug His way out all the way over in Iceland, and His proximity to the surface of this tiny island nation explains the aberrantly swollen economy, its subsequent bust, and the remarkable prevalence of superpowers, in particular indie music stardom, among the population.

You still doubt? Contrast and compare:

Hampstead Heath, yesterday.

The conga line in the Seventh Seal.

Questions?