First World Problems: the PowerPoint Slideslow

sad walrus is embarrassed for you

sad walrus is embarrassed for you

Of COURSE it’s a Powerpoint.

PowerPoint, which can be found on two hundred and fifty million computers around the world, is software you impose on other people. It allows you to arrange text and graphics in a series of pages, which you can project, slide by slide, from a laptop computer onto a screen, or print as a booklet (as Sarah Wyndham did). The usual metaphor for everyday software is the tool, but that doesn’t seem to be right here. PowerPoint is more like a suit of clothes, or a car, or plastic surgery. You take it out with you. You are judged by it—you insist on being judged by it. It is by definition a social instrument, turning middle managers into bullet-point dandies.

 

I am proud to say that I have stuck firmly to my Never Learning Powerpoint policy and am instead learning Prezi. I think Malcolm Gladwell would be disappointed and Marshall McLuhan would be proud, and that’s enough for me.

Speaking of First World Problems!

Welcome to Wall Street

Welcome to Wall Street

Welcome to Wall Street

For far too long Wall Street has been occupied by hostile forces.

For about 220 years, in fact.

In March, 1792, twenty-four of New York City’s leading merchants met secretly at Corre’s Hotel to discuss ways to bring order to the securities business and to wrest it from their competitors, the auctioneers. Two months later, on May 17, 1792, these merchants signed a document named the Buttonwood Agreement, named after their traditional meeting place, a buttonwood tree. The agreement called for the signers to trade securities only among themselves, to set trading fees, and not to participate in other auctions of securities. These twenty-four men had founded what was to become the New York Stock Exchange. The Exchange would later be located at 11 Wall Street.

Born and bred to exclusivity, raised in full view of the public, and propped up by a taxation system that relies on an affluent bourgeoisie that the system itself seeks to extinguish, it’s no wonder that when the American People exercised their Constitutionally protected freedom of assembly on sidewalks that they’d paid for and built, The System struck back.

Having its servants (I thought they were Public Servants? Silly me) net and then mace a group of peaceful women protestors:

Conducting eldritch legal seances to resurrect long-dead statutes for all the world as if their own identical suits and Goldman Sachs haircuts weren’t the ne plus ultra in depersonalization and the very basis for this:

Anonymous

Anonymous has no comment at this time

Sooner or later, New York City will run out of cops, or perhaps the budget burden will become so steep that Billionaire Bloomberg will petition the President to bring in Erik Prince and his Band of Bloodthirsty Bros.

Some are already writing the eulogy for #OccupyWallStreet, somewhat prematurely. But all voodoo devotees know you have to write it down before you draw the pentagram and cast the spell to make it come true.

Editors at Adbusters, a Vancouver-based magazine (mission: “topple existing power structures”) wanted to see if they could spark demonstrations just by posting the idea using social media. It created a Twitter topic with the hashtag #OccupyWallStreet, asking people to come to New York’s Financial District to join what they said would be tens of thousands in a “leaderless resistance movement” objecting to banks, capitalism and other perceived evils. Egypt’s Tahrir Square was cited as precedent.

The protests last week were a bust, but perhaps the young protesters learned a lesson: Just because it’s on social media doesn’t make it true.

The article goes on to say that the reports of violence were completely overstated. Scroll up on this post. Or, if you prefer, scroll down.

Yes, Noam Chomsky is a tiresome windbag, but every now and again he’s just…right. Like now (alternate G+ link in case Cusack’s retweet has still crashed the website):

Anyone with eyes open knows that the gangsterism of Wall Street — financial institutions generally — has caused severe damage to the people of the United States (and the world). And should also know that it has been doing so increasingly for over 30 years, as their power in the economy has radically increased, and with it their political power. That has set in motion a vicious cycle that has concentrated immense wealth, and with it political power, in a tiny sector of the population, a fraction of 1%, while the rest increasingly become what is sometimes called “a precariat” — seeking to survive in a precarious existence. They also carry out these ugly activities with almost complete impunity — not only too big to fail, but also “too big to jail.”

The courageous and honorable protests underway in Wall Street should serve to bring this calamity to public attention, and to lead to dedicated efforts to overcome it and set the society on a more healthy course.

And now, if you still aren’t sufficiently riled, I suggest you put this on repeat, then follow these instructions to create your own shield of relative invulnerability. And if that doesn’t work, get a haircut, a briefcase, and a blue suit, and enjoy the sight of the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave on its knees to you.

For the visual learners among us, here are some instructions from those total slackers and hippies at MIT:

Cheers!

In related news, the Vancouver Philospher’s Cafe this Monday is on whether or not violence is a valid form of expression.

Is violence an appropriate medium of expression?

Our city recently witnessed a display of violence as an expression of disappointment over a lost hockey game. We also have seen societies unleashing collective violence to (presumably) contain further violence. So let’s talk about the morality of violence.

As always, I am hopeful our engagement would reflect the fundamental creed of our Café: any idea worthy of conception, is worthy of reflection, of examination, of analysis, of critique (and of even being laughed at, poked at or mocked provided of course if we can manage to do it respectfully or as deliciously as the late George Carlin would do.)

Many thanks. See you TOMORROW at the CAFÉ AMICI.

Contest: win 4 tix to the Mosquito Creek Marina Boat Show in North Vancouver

Vangroover, people. Yeah, this is the view

Vangroover, people. Yeah, this is the view

Oooh, we’re back in Vangroover and feeling our oats (or maybe those were just the complimentary beverages at Social Media Week) and it’s no wonder: since we landed, we’ve been buried in swag, and it’s time to share the luv.

We have, on that note, four tickets to give away to the Fifth Annual Mosquito Creek Marina Boat Show that’s opened today and is on right through to Sunday. We’re lazy, and we assume you have either friends or family (not taking any bets on both!) and can roll with a posse. To win the tickets, you have until midnight Friday to post the best pirate joke in the comments here. I’ll email the winner shortly after midnight and you’ll be able to pick up the tickets at the gate.

Here are all the deets. Boats, by the way, rule: just ask Captain Jack Sparrow!

I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours

I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours

Thursday, September 22 – Sunday, September 25 •  Mosquito Creek Marina, North Vancouver
Mosquito Creek Marina and the British Columbia Yacht Brokers Association present the 5th Annual Boat Show at the Creek. Known as one of Vancouver’s largest floating boat shows, this event is great for families and all ages . There will be hundreds of boats on the water for viewing, marine vendors, yacht brokers and live performances by Jim Foster. Stop by on Saturday for a BBQ with the JRFM RoadShow Crew, enjoy a beer at the beer garden aboard the Celebration on Water, catering by Fishworks Restaurant and four full days of family fun. For more information, visit us online at mosquitocreekmarina.com.

WHAT: Boat Show at Mosquito Creek Marina, North Vancouver

WHERE: 415 West Esplanade, North Vancouver, BC

WHO: All ages – fun for the family and kids

WHY: Destined to become Vancouver’s largest floating boat show

WHEN: September 22-25, 2011

Thursday – Friday: 12 noon – 6 pm

Saturday: 10 am – 6 pm

Sunday 10 am – 4 pm

HOW (MUCH): $12, children under 12 accompanied by an adult are free

Oh. So if you have you, a partner, and two kids, you can bring your babysitter and her boyfriend/girlfriend too!

Follow along on Twitter:

or check out the Facebook event page too.

Ladies and gentlemen, hoist your sails, weigh anchor and comment away!

Comment of the Day: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Worry Anymore

I can’t really add anything to this; it is a perfect comment, from a hero who prefers not to use his real name, for obvious reasons. This man has my total respect, and I’m very, very glad that Canada hasn’t had such a nefarious policy as Don’t Ask Don’t Tell:

I spent twenty years in the military and every day I feared being found out. Yet, every time I had the opportunity to get out, I did not until I completed enough time to retire. It sounds like bullshit, I know, but I really felt the need and desire to serve our country. My civilian gay friends always kidded me about being in the service (trust me in my case anyways being at sea was no sexual picnic – think 2 months without leaving your office and co-workers). They chided me as well for being in an environment that didn’t want me. But I truly felt the need to stay and serve as a good example for others. I survived at least three investigations that I knew of along as a couple of security clearance checks, including one for top secret clearance.

I like to think that I survived because I was a good trooper, a patriot. But I also survived because I was surrounded by officers and non-coms who believed in me. One day when I was a junior petty officer on Governors Island, my boss, a lieutenant commander pulled me aside and said, Look, you are probably gay, but my advice to you is this: don’t eat where you sh*t. We both laughed, but I took his point to heart. In or out of the military, gay or straight, you don’t fool around at work, period, and I carried this with me until the end of my career.

I had numerous gay friends throughout my military career. I wish I had been able to connect with others to commiserate, but the fear of being seen with any of those guys… I couldn’t get over it. And now, on the eve of the end of DADT, I don’t know what became of so many of those guys. Several are dead, dying from AIDS in 80s and 90. The others, I hope they are like me tonight, thinking of the groundwork we laid all those years.

Right now, a friend of mine in the Army is celebrating his engagement to his partner of many years – a partner who had to keep his relationship secret while my friend was in Afghanistan and Iraq on multiple tours. This day is a great victory for them and for all of us who love our country and want to serve in its defense.

Coffee, Mate?

He's on the phone right now telling you how invalid your argument is. What does it look like?

He's on the phone right now telling you how invalid your argument is. What does it look like?

Yes, fanboys and fangirls, it’s time for more Assangeology here at Operation Global Media Domination HQ. Tonight, we bring you news of an exciting event on the horizon: a fundraising auction for Wikileaks! Aren’t you excited? You look excited! I’m excited! I’m even more excited after reading the list of items…or make that, reading partway through the list of items and finding something really interesting and dirty and getting distracted, as is my wont, whether I wont to or not:

… a framed, signed limited edition cable describing Hillary Clinton’s spying orders against the United Nations, one of two computers used to prepare Cablegate, complete with full historical data, invite-only tickets to Vivienne Westwood’s Spring/Summer 2012 fashion show in Paris later this month and sealed prison coffee smuggled out of HMS Wandsworth by Julian Assange on December 17…

COFFEE

WikiLeaks Fundraiser: Julian Assange’s Prison Coffee, Signed and Fingerprinted
Smuggled out of prison by Julian Assange

starting £200

Scarce item of memorabilia from Julian Assange’s time in prison. Julian Assange spent ten days in prison in Decmber 2010. When he left to go under house arrest in Norfolk he smuggled out this, one of three sachets of coffee.

This rare item has been signed on one side: ‘Julian A, Prison coffee, smuggled out of Wandsworth Prison by me on Dec 17 2010′. On the other side of the sachet Julian has inked a fingerprint.

The sachet is unopened and is being sold to raise money for WikiLeaks.

For confirmation of legitimacy of this item please contact: 0044 7554 181 066. For any questions about payment arrangements please contact this number.

I have, it’s true, no questions whatsoever about the legitimacy of the item. I have, however, one BIG question about how, exactly, the item in question was smuggled out of that prison.

I’m just sayin’.

Bad raincoaster! BAD BAD RAINCOASTER!

Julian spanking gif and didn't that title just cause fainting worldwide

Julian spanking gif and didn't that title just cause fainting worldwide