Monthly Archives: January 2007

Helen Mirren topless: tardis companion hot

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See? Totally tardis-worthyThe ever-classy Sun has provided us today with one of the true greats in the field of service journalism, an immortal story that will live long in infamy and on fansites…well, at least till this time next year.

They have dug up topless shots of all of the Oscar nominees for Best Supporting Actress, and what an eyefull it is, too. Defamer brought the story stateside, where I found and lifted it for your viewing pleasure. Naturally, let it not go unsaid that the Sun link is NOT SAFE FOR WORK, SCHOOL, REHAB, OR THE COMPUTER ON THE SEX OFFENDER WARD. And NEITHER IS THE FULL TOPLESS HELEN MIRREN PIC ON LOLEBRITY.

My favorite part of the whole thing is the headline “Mirren was GRIPPED by fear” just under her picture. Although it must be said that the dark horse winner is Dame Judi Dench, whose 100% natural A-list knockers easily lead the pack by a head or at least an erect nipple or pair of carefully-placed leaves.

DAME Judi gives an elegant performance as the appropriately named Titania in this unique 1968 interpretation of a Shakespeare classic.

The judges felt her sense of ironic joie de vivre, along with two of the best knockers in the business, made her a candidate we couldn’t ignore.

A real trip down Mammary Lane . . .

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I married a spy…and all I got was this lousy cottage in Essex

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Works great on bloodstains...also gunpowder residueWell I, personally, didn’t marry a spy, although there’s still time (interested parties leave contact details in comments section, plz). No indeed, this is a piece from the Guardian, interviews with three wives of, all of whom are well past their “tempt the Russian delegation with your best meatballs, won’t you dear?” stage, and only some of whom have recovered. Fascinating reading, if only for the satisfaction of thinking to yourself Well, I’d at least have shot someone for fuck’s sake! Might as well stay in the playgroup, you lot of wankers.

Special bonus pointlessly salacious and juvenile tidbit: the interviewer’s name is Fanny.

In 1939, 18-year-old Betty Farmer was being wooed by a man who was not only good-looking and charismatic, but also, apparently, had a job “in the film business”. When he whisked her off for a few days holiday in Jersey, she was surprised by the two rather shady looking men who accompanied them, but kept her concerns to herself.

On their second day away, over Sunday lunch, with the sunshine dancing on the sea outside, Betty‘s paramour kissed her briefly, before hurling himself through a closed window and running down the beach, chased by the police. Betty had no choice but to rely on his repeated promise: “I shall go, but I shall always come back.”

With a lede like that, how can you not finish the piece?
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it came from the GALLERY!!!

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In the Valley of Gwanjii...frickin' cool things happen!The online gallery of Ray Harryhausen creatures at ChineseJetPilot, that is.

If you spent your childhood locked in a Belgian basement as the sex slave of a roving frites merchant, you will need to be informed that Ray Harryhausen was and remains the greatest practitioner of stop-motion creature animation in the history of film.

This is not as cineaste-nerdy as it sounds. Harryhausen was, in fact, frickin’ cool. His Eohippus, for instance, from the immortal classic The Valley of Gwanjii, is still capable of making the little children cry.

And some of the big ones, too.

But of this, we must not speak.

We must, instead, direct you to this exhaustive index of the entire Harryhausen menagerie, with bonus Quicktime video snippets from the films in which they appeared. Frankly, if you prefer Allosaurs to Anistons, this is website totally stomps that lame old Oscars website.

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albino octo

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Vent Octopus. Don't giggle; it doesn't mean what you think it means

This weird critter is a vent octopus, ie one that hangs around geothermal vents in the seabed, looking for tasty crustaceans upon which to nosh. It’s true what the prosthesis designer on POTC2 believed: pale tentacles totally outclass mottled purple on the Ick Scale.

Pharyngula has some nifty images and explanation of an albino octo feeding frenzy at the local All You Can Eat in the Marianas Trench. Tube Worms on special!

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10 uses for a microwave oven

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Microwave Cooking...rumaki, pigs in curiously pale blankets, even how to do your turkey...ALBINO!Well you wouldn’t want to put your food in it; that would be hilariously retro! You might as well serve rumaki and Betty Crocker’s Bean and Frank Fiesta Casserole. If you do, give me a call: I love that shit.

In any case, here, straight from the Guardian, your quality source for breaking news and the last home of real free-range journalism, the heir to all our hopes and dreams and foggy memories of Cronkite and Murrow comes a list of ten useful but non-foodie things to do with your microwave.

“Throw it out” is not on the list.

Sponge, yo. Apparently, the British like to eat it!And by the way, before trying the sponge trick, do make sure the sponge is soaked in water and contains no metal bits. Since the story broke quite a number of people have managed to set sponges on fire, which is a neat trick if you’re a ten year old in the backyard and not so neat if you’re a fortysomething neurasthenic housewife in your $20,000 custom kitchen.

To the list!

Environmental engineers at the University of Florida report in a new study that zapping damp sponges and dishcloths for two minutes on full power in a microwave kills more than 99% of harmful bacteria. We asked the experts at the Good Housekeeping Institute to come up with 10 further novel uses for your oven.

1 Get more juice out of lemons and limes, by softening them on high for 15-20 seconds…

4 Dye up to 225g of material. Wearing rubber gloves, stir a packet of Dylon natural fabric dye with 200ml cold water in a bowl, add 400ml more water and immerse the fabric. Put the bowl inside a plastic bag in the microwave on high for four minutes. Remove, tip away the dye, and rinse the fabric in cold water. Wash in hot water, then dry away from direct heat or sunlight…

6 Melt wax for removing leg hair, on 80% power for 10 seconds, assuming it’s a full pot. Beware: it doesn’t need to boil!

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