The Canadian Conspiracy

I see the NFB flick which originally exposed the Canadian Conspiracy has been expunged from public records, more thoroughly erased than the memory of that guy…that guy in Egypt…whatsisname. But where there’s a web, there’s a way. By painstaking restoration work and the spiriting of ancient parchments out of the National Archives where they lay, to all intents and purposes buried, expunged from the collective consciousness, we have brought the truth back into the light. Gaze upon our works, ye mighty, and despair.

Jim Carrey

From The Canadian Conspiracy, ‘eh? [sic]

The foundations for the Canadian conquest of the American entertainment industry were laid in 1909 when “America’s Sweetheart” and Toronto, Ontario native Mary Pickford arrived in Hollywood on orders from Canadian Prime Minister Sir Wilfrid Laurier. Her plan was endear herself to the American populace through cinema and then use her clout to take over the industry. The plan was hugely successful as Mary Pickford climbed the social ladder to the top, marrying film celebrity and heart-throb Douglas Fairbanks in 1920. The United Artists studio was formed by Pickford, Fairbanks, D.W. Griffith and Charlie Chaplin in 1919. It was to be Pickford’s base of operations for her future plans of conquest. But Chaplin, an agent of Britain’s government, soon sensed something was amiss and moved to head off each of Pickford’s moves. A rift formed between the two, and between Canadian and British celebrities in Hollywood.

After losing his seat in the Canadian Parliament in 1911, future Canadian Prime Minister William Lyon Mackenzie King was employed for a short time by the Rockefeller Foundation in the United States. It was Sir Wilfrid Laurier’s last decree as Prime Minister that Mackenzie King use his new position to layout what would come to be known as “the Canadian Conspiracy”.

Download the rest of “The Canadian Conspiracy, ‘eh?”

But the truth will out, no matter how politely, and so it is with the great Canadian Conspiracy. We, along with Gawker, Anonymous and the entity known only as extremelydusty, have banded together to ensure that the truth is never more forgotten.

Canadians are taking over the USA…the takeover of the American Media, in every possible form, has already been done.

The top bands Americans listen to nowadays are Canadian. The news they watch is controlled by Canadians.

The shows they watch are filled with references to Canada. Example: the producers of South Park and many of the actors, even though having an Anti-Canadian film, note that is actually an attack on America, and that many of the people who work with South Park are actually Canadian. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have said “We love Canada!”. The Simpsons, the biggest cartoon show on the planet, is the greatest example of the takeover. Homer Simpson is based off a Canadian. Canadian references are everywhere. In fact, Springfield could be actually based off the Canadian City “Ajax” in Ontario.

Over 20% of Hollywood is now Canadian. For example, the highest paid actor, and the funniest man on the planet, a proud Canadian and Toronto Maple Leafs fan, Jim Carrey, is a Canadian. Big hit rock bands, like Nickelback, make the top of America’s charts and control.

Yay!


The North-West Passage


If I Had a Rocket Launcher


The War of 1812

Hail your lumberjack overlords, y’all!

* raincoaster acknowledges the ongoing indifference shown by the Government of Canada through The Canada Council for the Arts and the (non-existent) Blog Publishing Industry Development Program (BPIDP); and the Government of British Columbia through the BC Arts Council.

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21 thoughts on “The Canadian Conspiracy

  1. Hi Rain,
    sorry to comment off-topic, but I have a question. Since you’re very active on the wordpress.com forums, do you know if there is a policy there on what can and can’t be discussed? Reason I’m asking is that what I assumed to be a perfectly legitimate question regarding the uploading of video, posted about 12 hours ago, has disappeared. I search under video tags and it’s not there.

  2. Very weird. I don’t think I saw that: do you remember what it was? If you remember the OP you can click on the word Member under their name and find all their threads; some just get pushed back in time so they vanish from the page.

    I don’t recall anything too contentious except that really, really stupid person who keeps asking about affiliate links.

  3. Great post raincoaster. Don’t forget Corner Gas has stepped into the US.

    That 1812 picture would make a great t-shirt :)

  4. We’ve started to infiltrate American sports too, such as baseball and basketball — Canadian players are gaining recognition and winning awards! We rule–in a quiet, humble sort of way.

  5. “Mary Hart of bloggers?” This is not a phrase I thought would ever be applied to me.

    If only we could get Little Mosque on the Prairie down to the US. I think they seize it at the border and send it straight to Syria, though.

    We INVENTED basketball. It was invented in Almonte, Ontario, near Ottawa. It’s a dumb game, though. I hate games where the ball moves down the court and suddenly the score changes by 60 points. It’s ridiculous.

  6. Little Mosque hahaha It’s a great show. You’re probably right, no way that will be aired in the US but I think it is in 38 Countries now.

    To be fair to our American neighbours about the war of 1812, they didn’t really want to fight us. The soldiers were half starved once they reached the border because their government wouldn’t send supplies and they were terrified of our Native Indians. But I still love that photo you posted and I still want to put it on a t-shirt. :)

  7. I thought basketball was invented by a Canadian while he was working at a YMCA in Boston? Or maybe it’s one of those things similar to the ‘who invented hockey’ argument that has caused millions to weep with frustration.

    No matter.

    I second the photo on a t-shirt idea, though. That is one cool pic.

  8. Yeeeash…

    Get shot? My neighbourhood isn’t that violent. Usually. At least not on Sundays when the meth-heads are tweaking-out at church.

    Now, having the crap beaten out of me…that’s just therapeutic!

  9. Black holes in outer space are intense spots where matter callapses. Some of the spirits of God might be trapped inside them . They are helpless, neglected and angry. Use your Phycic Command Power to get them out. There might be 835 alternate universes 100’s of billions af light years away. I asked the Archangels wich are the Lights of Devine Action to make a funnel tunnel from the center of every black hole with an Angel spirit trapped inside it in the entire multiverse. At the center of moon crater Luther in Mare- Serenitatis on its very surface. Here the funnel tunnels will combine and leak out the elements silver and thorium 234 from the center of the black holes in all the 835 universes mixed together at the crater sight. This Demensional Gate I call the Pavocrux Gate will energize a green phere in the astral ghost realm to help the trapped Angels escape the black holes. The Gate will open on the moon every Tousday at 9 P.M Maryland D.C time for five minutes. Try to make the transfer phere supply an escape route from the black hole for the spirits with your Phycic Command Power. At the last 30 seconds of the 5 minutes every Tousday the Angels will talk with telepathy about having fun being handy at making some normal D.N.A cells that can live in the black holes in deep space, new life created in the center of galaxies is also aproached. Somewhere millions of light years away are Angels incaged in an uncomfortable state. Invent a particle accelerater electronics system that reaches through a portal and loosens the grip of angel traps in other galaxies. Or sends an energy beam into a black hole that will put the scared spirit angels in outer space into a problem free base.

    I want a chance to put my invention on the moon at Luther crater. Modern electronics will care for the funnel tunnels from aproximitly about 3,740,000 black holes in deep space that leak out the two elements. I never talked to space aliens about this but I talked to spirit Angels by quickly looking about 2 feet or 3 feet in front of me to see thoughtforms the spirits use to teach me about the questions I asked them telepathically. They are good at showing colors related to physics and they can make an idea or word pop into my head sometimes. Im not good at channeling. I want to link to the gravity thick black holes with a 10 inch crystal that projects a 78 foot bubble. Cold superconducters 42 in number will be placed in front of the black holes with a space craft. A quality gold lazer naturally a 74 vibration is made a hot 75 then treated to expand to a 1956 vibe that turns on 90 circles, maybe stuck like Metalica. and the laser has 935 sleepies in the 19th magnetic field. The state of 21 crystals found in stars in wich the crystals bends and fluxuates is made into 5 duplicate atomic lakes in a red box with a big triangle in it, this is the essence of a flame. Stars like the Sun have 8 crystals in their center and 13 over that. The 1st crystal in the very center has 8502 atomic eggs in it, like an indomatable first drama with a 3 crabs in in it. Did you know that a nuetron has a square-chip with 1138 lines on it. like an ugly donate voltage stopper. Be carefull with that fact it might lead to a white-bronze portal to nothing! The spirits say there is a wall of emerald, pink and violet smash gut nuetrons with 3 to 85 biting blue ones, pink is the one with a deep connection to spiritual energy. Colors red & blue wrestle with each other and high density high intesity pastal quasie colors are made in the spirit energy spectrum. A new invention can become reality that harnesses the black hole leak matarial at Luther crater. So join my contest to intiutivly channel about an inspired device. People please e-mail me if you have any more ideas on this area of Quantem Physics and it will be added to the blog here.

    1:21 PM – 1 Comments – 0 Kudos – Add Comment – Edit – Remove
    Scott

    The 1st and 9th crystal in all stars have 1718 void states with 130 to 15 magnets in that

  10. I was sad to discover a couple of years ago that the “Canadian Conspiracy” can’t be purchased. Too touchy of a subject these days I guess. I saw it when it aired on CBC… it was hysterical. Eugene Levy was the best I’d ever seen him.

  11. It was genius. I still remember the Lorne Greene/Green Card connection. Genius.

    Some day some laid off ex-CBCer will upload it to the intertubes and then all will be revealed.

  12. Pingback: Merry Fucking Christmas « raincoaster

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