How to: spend your carbon tax rebate

My cousin emailed me this. No idea where she stole it from, because for once it didn’t have a hundred thousand email addresses in the forwarding history:

The provincial government is sending each of us a $100 Carbon Tax rebate.

If we spend it at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.

If we spend it on gasoline, the money will go to the Arabs.

If we purchase a computer it will go to India.

If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

If we purchase a good car, it will go to Japan.

If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan,

and none of it will help the B.C. economy.

The only way to keep the money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes, weed,

beer and tattoos since these are the only products still produced in British Columbia.

Thank you for your help and please support B.C.

The Laughing Baby of YouTube

I know we’re all about the YouTubes this week, but this one is just too damn good to miss. A sweet, wee baby laughing and having fun. Awwww! Isn’t she cute? So why am I reflexively clutching this crucifix?

and it all means nothing more than…HEY! SHINY!

Modern Existence

A Man of Mystery

Russell Crowe, before the paunch

For no reason I can imagine except that my life has been deprived of it so far, a DVD of the movie Gladiator has just shown up in my mailbox, purchased from Amazon on my behalf by a name I do not recognize with no further contact details.

Hmmmmmmm.

The only person who’s really been outraged by the fact that I haven’t yet been exposed to the buff and beefy (instead of just puffy) version of Russell Crowe is a gay man whose name is definitely not the one on the receipt.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Oh well, the timing couldn’t be better as I will be taking it easy today as I was up till all hours last night with the Shebeen Club drinking: one Strongbow (why do I do this? why do I inventory it?), two and a half glasses of wine which Lydia bought, one Highland Park 12 year old whiskey which I bought (and bought Lydia one, leaving me effectively penniless till the paypal hits the bank around Friday) and then ran into an old friend on the way home who waylaid me for another two (or was it three?) pints of Dead Frog Nut Brown Ale at the ‘Ho.

You know? The ‘Ho? It doesn’t blow!

A friend of mine got taken to the Ivanhoe for her first legal beer on her birthday. I don’t know how many she had, nor does she because she had that many. How many? So many she passed out and woke up around three in the morning, sitting in a corner with her purse in her lap and a blanket thrown over her. Nothing was missing, either.

Britney Spears’s favorite sex tape: I Love You Cheetos!

Nine minutes of the most hardcore, cheez-food-product-dusted, size queeniest, sock wearingest action ever to grace the intertubes. This may not be safe for work, and it certainly isn’t safe for lunch. Make sure your digestive tract is clean before clicking Play.

From Jeff Ostergren, via Fleshbot

Those zombies on his site? Don’t look like my zombies. And the brains likewise; no wonder his zombies are so underfed and peaked looking!