Hey Girl, do you want a robust social safety net? I got you.

But you totally DO need it, you know?

Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest challenge faced by contemporary news organizations (besides rapacious owners; don’t get me started) is that of enticing readers, listeners, watchers, away from the never-ending stream of infotainment which surrounds us. Never mind getting them to actually pay attention to the news.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have, at long last and at uncounted expense, solved that problem. I mean, it didn’t cost me anything, but I also didn’t count it, so … that.

The solution? We can finally reveal it:

Bingo cards.

Oh, come on. You’ve been on Twitter. You know how this works. You know this works. You’ve played this, don’t pretend that you haven’t. We’ve taken the old jokey cultural trope bingo game and updated it, giving an entire nation a reason (finally!) to skip out on this “work from home” nonsense (these crazy kids and their crazy ideas to integrate work and life in a holistic, effortless, and sustainable way, pssssshhhhhhh, whatever) and tune in to the daily briefing on the Covid-19 crisis from Prime Minister Zoolander Trudeau.

And yes, we know contemporary audiences have short attention spans, so we’ve built a few tricks into this most competitive of game boards. In order to complete your board, you’ll have to watch on multiple days. Yes, we are just that hardass around these parts.

Enough prelude, on to the downloadable game board. Yes, there can be only one.

You can print it out or just edit the PDF as you go along, and play along live on Twitter (follow @raincoaster, who will be calling out the squares live unless she {I} sleep[s] in again) and the Canadian tv network of your choice or YouTube at 11am EST each weekday.