Monthly Archives: December 2020

Mark of the Vampire

Mark of the Covid Briefing Bingo

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We have been slacking kittens, but we’re here now. It’s Christmas Eve, also known as Justin Trudeau Eve, traditionally celebrated throughout the nation by doing shots of Sortilège maple whisky. He’s a Christmas baby, you see. The story is that Christmas Eve 1971 Margaret Trudeau, who was and probably still is a bit of a Christmas nut, and was additionally nine months pregnant, wanted to go to Midnight Mass. Her husband was all “meh, nope”, so he called John Turner and asked him and his wife to take her, which they did. And had to make an abrupt exit when Justin Trudeau began to make his entrance.

If the story isn’t true, please don’t tell me. It’s a great story.

They just got their covid test results.

Speaking of completely real and spontaneous traditions, our briefing bingo today is named after the Bela Lugosi film Mark of the Vampire, a definite non-classic that even Lugosi didn’t like. But it did have some snazzy still photos, as you can see.

Our video is here:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He also discusses Health Canada’s approval of Moderna’s COVID-19 vaccine. This is the second COVID-19 vaccine to be approved for use in Canada, following the regulatory approval of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine on December 9. The prime minister announces that Canada will receive an additional 250,000 doses of the Pfizer vaccine in January. A total of 1.2 million doses from both Pfizer and Moderna will arrive in Canada by January 31, 2021. The federal government is committing an additional $70 million to the Canadian Red Cross to support its COVID-19 work. Trudeau also announces that Vice-Admiral Art McDonald, currently the commander of the Royal Canadian Navy, will be appointed to replace General Jonathan Vance as Canada’s chief of the defence staff. The prime minister also confirms that Canada’s suspension of passenger flights from the United Kingdom will be extended for two weeks until January 6 amid concerns about the spread of the new variant of COVID-19.

Cards:

One day I’ll make a new card (with an entire column of “Every step of the way”) but that day? Is not this day. It’s Christmas Eve. I’ve got fruitcake to buy! And eat!

Fun fact: last night at midnight I was on Twitter bitching about being down to my last four dollars and having a craving for fruitcake, which I lurve, but which is always, always more than four dollars. And someone I’ve never met in my life sent me fifty bucks to my Paypal for the best goddamn fruitcake Ottawa can provide. Except now we’re in lockdown and I can’t go fruitcake browsing.

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Bleach, Rubbing Alcohol, Garlic, Ginger, Liquor, Essential Oils, Cocaine, Vitamin C, and other things that don’t cure Covid-19: Video

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A great video about a not-very-bright fellow who thought drinking toxic chemicals would kill Covid-19 before it would kill him. Guess how it ends?

raincoaster's avatar#OpNazi

It may upset your aunt, the one who is the local superstar of her essential oil MLM, but there are a large number of things currently rumoured to be effective countermeasures to Covid-19 which just. don’t. work.

Here’s Chubbyemu, civilian name Dr. Bernard Hsu, Associate Director at Novartis Oncology, to break it down for you.

The science, not the virus. Even really good YouTubes can’t break down a sturdy virus on their own; only knowledge paired with right actions (like washing your hands for at least 20 seconds with soap and water) can do that.

Yeah, don’t do that. ANY of that.

As one of the commenters on YouTube remarked,

“CB felt confident, he was not going to be infected”
He’s smarter than all of us really. Can’t get infected if he’s dead.

In related news, here’s Chubbyemu’s link to a good scientific Covid-19 video playlist, updated daily.

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Let’s Stimulate More Than JUST The Economy

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Looking for a holiday DIY project? Have we got a doozy!

auntyfaculty's avatarAntifa College

Studentrads, have you already foolishly pre-spent your stimulus check on frivolities like food or shelter? Silly you.

Cow hugging for the win!

Have we got a DIY project for you!

$75.17

At that price (and using tools from your local tool library/co-op, of course) you’ll be able to build almost eight of these beauties, more than enough to handle most local corruption.

If you live in Washington, DC, you’ll naturally want to collaborate with other local cells to ensure that you have adequate supplies. And always remember: these babies are reusable!

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Happy Hater’s Christmas! It’s Here At Last!

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We speak, of course, of Drew Magary‘s annual Hater’s Guide to the Williams Sonoma Catalogue, which is, as always, a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

What? You’re still here? Haven’t run straight over to read the living SHIT out of this gem immediately? Still need some motivation? Well, here’s a wee excerpt, to give you that kick in the butt you never knew you needed.

Oh, it’s hygge AF. Just the thing for sipping wine in the yacht’s hot tub as the snowflakes float down and we all chuckle knowingly, each feeling kinship with those adorably primitive Japanese hot springs monkeys. Oooh, Can you order those too?

Price: $29.95

Copy: “This triple-insulated mug from Corkcicle keeps your favorite beverages warm for hours. Its silicone base resists slipping while its tight-fitting lid prevents spills. Featuring a sweater-inspired snowflake design, this mug is ideal for outdoor activities and on-the-go sipping.”

Drew says: THAT’S A YETI! YOU’RE SELLING ME A FUCKING YETI! A Yeti inspired by fucking sweaters. And where’s the wine factor into all this? Now I’m pissed. Oh hey guys, I just disrupted the beer coozie sphere with my new product, the TABLACTITE NARNIA LION.

The 2020 Hater’s Guide to the Williams Sonoma Catalogue

No, seriously. GO.

CERB Repayment Letters: A Very Murky Christmas to Everyone

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A little clarity on those dreaded CERB repayment letters from the CRA. Information via #OpCovid19.

raincoaster's avatar#OpNazi

Hello, Canadians! We imagine you’re here because you got one of these dreaded “let’s claw back your benefits for Christmas” letters from the CRA, ie The Taxman (we’re not being sexist: that’s just what it’s called, It’s The Law). These letters informed people who’d received the CERB government covid pandemic supports that they may not be eligible, and that they had to prove their eligibility and/or repay their CERB benefits…

by January 1, 2021.

We have good news, bad news, and more good news. And then some even gooder news.

First of all, if it’s any consolation, Justin Trudeau is even madder at the CRA than you are right now. Before those letters went out he was pretty much unbeatable in the polls, and now all of a sudden he looks like The Princeling Who Stole Christmas. If capital punishment weren’t against every fiber of his Neoliberal being, he’d be…

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