The Muddy Covid Briefing Bingo

Yes, yet another in our mysterious, riddle-iffic series of oddly-named Covid-19 Briefings. So far we’ve had

  • Muddy (today)
  • Grumpy
  • Sparky
  • Heavy Metal
  • Happy

Guessed the connection yet?

Mud season is definitely here, as Buddy the dog and all the carpets in the house can confirm. Buddy is, of course, our Ottawa office manager, and he is supervising today’s briefing bingo from the luxurious confines of his corner office.

Buddy is VERY concerned about the thrombosis issue with the AstraZenica vaccine.

Mark your first square: Technical Difficulties, as my internet crapped out right off the get-go.

Our video is here:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined virtually by federal ministers Patty Hajdu (health) and Anita Anand (public services and procurement), as well as by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer. The prime minister announces that Pfizer will move up its delivery of 5 million vaccine doses originally scheduled to arrive in late summer to June. Canada is now on track to receive 9.6 million doses of the Pfizer vaccine that month. Trudeau and the ministers also face questions on the new guidelines for the AstraZeneca COVID-19 vaccine. Canada’s National Advisory Committee on Immunization (NACI) has modified its advice concerning the vaccine, recommending that it only be used on people over the age of 55. The recommendation comes following reports from Europe of rare but serious blood clots that have occurred after administration of the AstraZeneca vaccine.

And we’re off. Squares: facial hair, mask, vaccines, Somebody’s In A Good Mood Today (not a square, but should be). And Begins In English and Vocal Malfunction or whatever I called that square too. And AstraZenica. Blue Suit square too. We never do find out what colour the shoes are, because the camera operator cuts off the exiting shot at the knees. Very clever. VERY CLEVER. I see what you did there.

“Got your backs” as we knew would be here. And now we have Pfizer and Moderna as well. Speaking of which, someone’s put what they claim is the full mRNA sequence of the Moderna vaccine up on Github. Could be poodle sperg for all I know, don’t even have time to look, but here’s your link. Enjoy? Don’t say I never did nuthin’ for ya!

Oh shoot me, a Facebook Live event. SOME OF US ARE PERMABANNED YOU KNOW, a brand new kind of marginalization. Cut off from Federal government Covid info sessions because they’re done on a privately-owned platform instead of done on a government website first and ALSO streamed to the privately-owned platform. Fine. Whatever. Nobody listens to me.

And our cards are here:

I really need different squares for different ties, but “Red” or “Blue” isn’t a lot of variation. And hey, “Finds a new way to give Canadians money” I’m gonna give you that one even if it’s just money for transit, because the bus is cheaper than the car.

Teacher is giving you a good lecture on why not to get together for Easter. I mean, it’s basically the shittiest religious holiday anyway. Let’s all get together and celebrate the death of god! We killed him! Have some chocolate fertility symbols!

You know what to do.

And now Minister Ananad is up, and going over the whole vaccine supply, rubbing in that we’re ahead of schedule in getting doses and distributing then to the provinces. As far as I can tell, they’re all sitting in the beer fridge at Doug Ford’s house.

As we all know, NOTHING embarrasses Doug Ford.

Not that BC is failing to shit its own bed, despite a great start by Dr. Bonnie Henry.

And of Alberta, we shall not speak.

And Jesus Christ, two weeks off and my French has gone back to like Grade Three level. I WAS bilingual, some time in the last Century.

Dr Tam is not softballing this, she’s telling you things are starting to spike. Over 4600 new cases and 26 new deaths daily, and hospitals are under massive strain.

“Over 9000 variants of concern” she says, alarming me BIGLY, but she continues… “cases.” Okay, not nine thousand variants. Just nine thousand variant cases. And no cases of that AstraZenica vaccine-caused thrombosis in Canada.

And mark your “NASI” square. And of course “religious holiday mentioned” and “Someone appears by video monitor.”

Mark your “Drinks water” square, that’s one. And now to the questions.

Why do I bother? I’m NEVER getting an rt.

Oh, “Every step of the way” and “keeping Canadians safe” mark those, and earlier Anand gave us “From the very beginning” I believe.

Mark your “Gesticulates” and “Donc” squares. And mark your “Sign language interpreters swapped out” and “from the very beginning” squares.

“The best vaccine for you is the very first vaccine that is offered to you” is true enough, as long as the federal health agency is competent, which it is in Canada and may be (after a four year caesura) in the US. I fucking LOVE the word “caesura.” But who does not, possums? Who indeed?

Mark your “Twinkleface” square. Like I said, he’s in a good mood today. “Keeping Canadians Safe” square too.

Mark your “Camera follows Trudeau out of the room even though someone else is speaking” and congrats to whoever that was who told him to put on his fucking mask, although I suspect she used different language. Which reminds me to mark your “Forgets to translate answer into other official language” square. And now mark your “Maple leaf accessory” square for the mask.

Anand is PISSED to continue to be asked for details about confidential contracts. Why contracts entered into on behalf of the public are confidential continues to baffle me, but nobody listens to me.

Mike LeCouteur with a good question about vaccine hesitancy, and Dr Tam gives reassurance that we are basing decisions on ongoing intel and scientific data that continue to come out, so as time goes on we know more and more, and now we know more about who each vaccine is suited for.

Battery about to crap out, so if I vanish, catch you on the flipside. What say you, is it worth doing another Briefing Bingo card? And our office manager needs to go pee in the yard so BRB…

and, for now, that’s a wrap. I’ll come back later today and fill in the missing details. Gotta frappe la rue (look, there I go being bilingualish).

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