Build your own Bionic Woman: free after rebates!

Lindsay

Is this the right place to pass along the information that Angelina Jolie‘s pickup line used to be “five bucks if you can guess what’s real”?

Yes, yes it is.

In related news, the OSI, a branch of the CIA has released a statement via Funnimetrics indicating that, if you wait for the next 30% off sale at Future Shop or something and use all the rebate coupons that have been gathering dust on top of the tv, you can live every Seventies’ adolescent male’s dream and build your own bionic woman, FOR FREE!

For realz.

With the decreasing price of computer equipment and electronics in general, the parts for a bionic person, at one time a prohibitive six million dollars, now costs less that three hundred dollars. During sale weekends at Fry‘s electronics, the OSI claims it can lower that price to zero, or free (sales tax not included). The new motto for the bionic woman project will be, “better…stronger…faster…and cheaper…”

“I remember we had to buy this big Betamax VCR to observe Jamie and Austin’s training. That thing cost thousands…” said retired OSI head of bionic projects, Oscar Goldman.

The government study cost seven million dollars.

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the white James Brown

Did you ever watch James Brown dance and think “Man, how does he do that? How can one simple, mortal being make moves like that?”

Now at last, via Stiletto Girl, comes the answer.

It’s great when cops really enjoy their jobs, eh? Officer Friendly indeed, but yeah, not quite THAT Friendly. I’m relatively sure the World Wildlife Federation is petitioning to make his crotch a “protected watershed” and thus preserve the thousands of at-risk species which live there.

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the hipster Olympics

You’ve seen the Original

Now see the derivative, post-postmodern, watered-down American version!

An epic battle of apathetic grandeur.

STARRING
Announcer Greg Berman – Taige Jensen (voice)
Announcer Neil Tafoya – Ryan Hunter (voice)
Reporter Conica Friesbee – Jenn Lyon
#1, Sasha Pinrod III – Taige Jensen
#2, Larken Trebek – Maggie Ross
#3, Nolan Shelby – Ryan Hunter
#4, Zac Zuro – Ryan Hall
#5, Gideon Zidoushe – Dave Powell
Referee Wally Masters – Will Connell
Square Sean Ericsson – Eric Sherertz

DISCLAIMER:
POYKPAC™ and POYKPAC Sports™ have no affiliation with Pabst Brewing Company, American Apparel, Myspace.com, cocaine, Pitchfork Media, The Elephant 6 Recording Company, Domino Recording Company Ltd, EMI, MoTown Records, or Vice Magazine Publishing Inc. All products and companies portrayed were done so satirically.

This short film is, however, a shameless tribute to Monty Python‘s “The Upperclass Twit of the Year.” All that being said: Let the lawsuits commence!

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best. title. ev-ar.

The second in our continuing series on the best ____ ev-ar.

Chinatown movie

from Defamer, who have beaten all Fark challengers into the ground with the sheer, sexy erudition of this one:

it’s white meat! (slap!) dark meat! (slap!) white meat, dark meat! (slap!)

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Chocolate Rain…by Chad Vader

An instant classic. Now, Tay Zonday aficionados and Star Wars fanboys can come together and enjoy their favorite music in a big, happy, zero-gravity hyperwarp planet of luv!

Your basic Tay Zonday original:

and the updated, Star Wars version by Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager.

via StarWarsBlog via Defamer

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