Category Archives: Vancouver

Au Revoir, Vangroover

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ma thuggie, yo. straight up awesome

ma thuggie, yo. straight up awesome. o g

So there I was with money in my pocket (or my backpack, or my bag, or maybe in my other pants, my debit card…somewhere; but there it was) for once.

There=Downtown Vancouver.

I’d gone downtown after two months of house-sitting in the leafy, unconfined confines of South Hill. It sure is peaceful there; the rowdiest the neighborhood got was when there was a dispute about a cricket game in the park out back. The biggest problem I experienced was deciding if the cat was rubbing up against me because she wanted food, or because she wanted me to clean the litterbox. I basically did nothing except cook (I ate the pasta puttanesca from this cookbook every meal for four days running, it was that good) develop a crush on Bobby Flay by watching Food Network 24/7, and hardly changed out of my Thuggie the whole time except to (very occasionally) shower.

Glamorous, it was not.

So, on payday I wander downtown to pick up my mail and get there a mere ten minutes after the main post office has closed, which is one-half hour earlier than ANY OTHER GODDAM POST OFFICE in the world, so. Fuck.

Now what do I do? Without my MooCards. Without my new Wikileaks tee shirt. Without my bills.

Oh. I guess I’ll find a way to go on.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a glam-deprived blogger in possession of a decent paycheque must be in want of a Chanel makeover, so that is what I got, along with a LARGE bottle of Chanel 19 for which I have been pining for years, and my very first truly grown up red lipstick. Yes, extravagant, but I hadn’t been paid in close to three months, so it qualifies as a necessary act of Salvation Armani. As I said to the makeup artist, if you can’t find a good red lipstick that suits you at Chanel, where can you? And good luck trying to find, let alone deal with, the bio-contaminated, sticky testers at the drug store.

But I still had some money left, so obviously I had to go, like the guy in the nursery rhyme, to Market. To Market. Where I ran into my friend Hez and the cadre of Hezbians who run the bar there. Jay Jones, bar superstar and officially Canada’s Best Bartender, bought us a round, which is something that happens all the time to people who have money and not frequently enough to those who do not. Spot prawn sashimi, three cocktails, and a small pizza took care of some more of the extra weight in my wallet, and then I staggered back to the DTES to catch the 12:30am bus to Casa Metro.

My pal Hummingbird604 came down to the bus station to hang out at McDonalds with me and see me off, and it’s a good thing he did, even though his first remark was, “What happened? You look like a girl!” I explained about the makeover and made the now-obligatory bus joke about being eaten by a mentally ill cannibal somewhere in Northern Manitoba, and obviously that angered the gods, for they had a surprise for me.

In the lineup an obviously mentally ill man took a liking…no, a loving…to me and decided I was the most glamorous creature he had ever seen.He would not leave my side, although it meant cutting off 30 people in the line. He would not stop standing too close, staring too hard, asking sincerely if I were a celebrity and coming thisclose to asking me to run away to Toronto with him.

Must have been the lipstick.

In any case, I was pretty sure it was going to be difficult to shake this new Klingon, so we subtly conspired to let him get ahead of me in line. That way he’d choose a seat and I’d choose another one, instead of me choosing one and him plopping down beside me, as he’d apparently decided the gods had decreed must happen.

Enter the bus driver.

I hadn’t particularly noticed him, but he did notice what was going on, and while he did his best to discourage this poor, rootless fellow about taking the bus all the way to Toronto (even though he got a ticket for less than $200 somehow) without any luggage or anywhere to go there, he eventually had to let him on. Then he turned to me and said, “Ma’am, can I ask you to do me a favour?”

“Sure,” I replied, thinking (with inner groanage of a severe nature) maybe it was to keep an eye on the guy so he didn’t wander off at some podunk gas station and get eaten by coyotes or something.

“Can you sit in the front seat? I like to pick and choose who I put there.”

Can I? Could I? You BET I could. Sure, it was a night run, and sure, the reading lights don’t work in the front seat, but just as surely I’d managed to pack my books all in the luggage that I’d checked, and not in my backpack, so it was all good; I wasn’t missing anything. I spent a Klingon-less five hours looking out the panoramic windows and looking forward to soaking out the road stress in the infamous hot tub, which I had put on Foursquare when I was up here in January.

And what’s new with you lately?

The view from Ruralopolis

The view from Ruralopolis. The ACTUAL view.

How to Do ANYTHING Better on 4/20

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420 Vancouver by gillicious

420 Vancouver by gillicious

Yes, it’s a civic holiday in Vangroover (not really, but yeah) and there’s a distinct likelihood that several, if not even plenty of my readers, yes, we can see you out there, you left the webcam on and your eyeballs look like piss holes in the snow, may be somewhat affected by, shall we say, hyperlocal atmospheric conditions.

So, in the spirit of serviceyness, we present a couple of handy-dandy guides that will help you pretend not to be completely fucked up.

First up, Mowing Your Lawn on PCP:

Great! Don’t you feel productive now? But the night is still young, so don’t stop the buzz now! Grab a bottle of some refreshing liquid and follow along with Jenna Marbles as she shows you how to do makeup drunk.

And now Hannah from My Drunk Kitchen shows you How to Make Poutine, which you will want if you got baked, yourself:

She should definitely NOT have licked up the gravy that dissolved the dust from Burning Man and washed it down with a Caesar. She was only drunk before: now she’s a bad case of All Of The Above.

One thing that should not be attempted under the influence: singing in the car. If you’re the driver, you shouldn’t be messed up, and if you’re not the driver, you’re annoying the driver. Besides, no matter how awesome you think you are, you aren’t as awesome as this guy (yes, more Canadian Content; we’re just that much better at being drunk/stoned than you are):

And, no matter how awesome you think you are, even if you are sober and your audience is completely shitfaced, you will never be as good as Nicki Bluhm and The Gramblers, who use their van as a recording booth while tootling around San Francisco belting out cover tunes.

You’re welcome.

Million Hoodie March Vancouver this SUNDAY

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https://twitter.com/#!/MattChillin_/status/184420937364553728

That means tomorrow, people. We may not have a million people in Vangroover, but we can make up for the numbers with heart.

2pm, Grandview Park. I bought a Thuggie just for the occasion, and may wear my Guy Fawkes mask as well. After all, his colour is what really targeted Trayvon, and behind a mask you can’t tell what colour we are: we are all, in that sense, Anonymous. It’s tragic that for black and First Nations people this would represent an increase in personal safety while for white people it represents a decrease.

It’s beyond time to raise this issue.

2pm. Grandview Park.

GPOY Occupy Spring edition

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Queen Anonymous

Queen Anonymous

I! AM! The… oh waitaminit. Where’s my goddam hoodie? That’s better. All together now…

I! AM! THE 99%!

HOODIE UP in solidarity with Trayvon Martin and all young people who have been targeted, hurt, or lost their lives as a result of racial profiling.

Trayvon Martin was a 17-year-old African American high school student. He lived with his mother and older brother, and wanted to to study aviation. He was visiting his father in a gated community in Sanford when he was shot by the neighbourhood watch captain, George Zimmerman. Trayvon was wearing a hoodie, on foot and un-armed; he had been to the store during a break in the NBA game to get Skittles and iced tea. Prior to shooting him in the chest, Zimmerman had called the police to report Trayvon’s “suspicious” behavior (walking while black??) and insisted on pursuing him. Police have not arrested Zimmerman because he claims that he killed Trayvon in self-defense, under the protection of Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law. Police also did not contact Trayvon’s family and registered him in the morgue as John Doe, in spite of having his cellphone in their possession when he was pronounced dead.

For full story – http://www.democracynow.org/2012/3/20/walking_while_black_florida_police_resist

———————————————————————

The hoodie is a symbol of how we are NOT subject to the same treatment, how some of us have to expect violence and negligence, not safety or protection, from institutions like the police because of systemic racism. In spite of how common and “trendy” the hoodie is, it retains associations with “danger” and “criminality” when worn by people of colour, especially those who are perceived to be poor/of lower economic class and therefore “not belonging” in particular areas.

Cultural racism means that mainstream society feels entitled both to treat people of color on the basis of racial stereotypes (which erases one’s individual character) AND to have ready access to people of color’s personal/private identities at all times (which makes one’s individual body hyper-visible).

Racial profiling in the form of policing, surveillance and incarceration affects many youth of color in the Lower Mainland from Arab, Muslim, South and/or Southeast Asian communities, and especially Indigenous and Black communities, who are already over-represented, with growing numbers, in Canada’s prison system.

Visit http://icouldbetrayvon.com/

STAND UP AND REMEMBER.
MAKE YOUR STORIES HEARD.
HOODIE UP.

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Links to check out:

Video of parents of Trayvon Martin speaking http://is.gd/unCRaG

Video w/Brian Jones http://is.gd/S6ZKHQ

http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/comments/a-young-black-man-being-late

http://www.urbancusp.com/newspost/the-bullet-next-time-an-open-letter-to-my-unborn-black-son/

http://colorlines.com/archives/2012/03/koritha_mitchell_living_with_lynching.html

http://globalgrind.com/news/michael-skolnik-trayvon-martin-george-zimmerman-race-sanford-florida-photos-pictures

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/trayvon-martin-news-7552519?src=soc_fcbk

http://racismschool.tumblr.com/post/19758690223/the-million-hoodie-march

http://www.npr.org/2012/03/24/149245834/tragedy-gives-the-hoodie-a-whole-new-meaning&sc=fb&cc=fp

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2012/mar/21/trayvon-martin-shooting-911-call

Dress! Code! In! Force!

Hoodie up!

Hoodie up!

Social Flow: How to Win with Social Media without Losing Productivity (a new raincoaster media workshop

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Social Flow Workshop logo

Social Flow Workshop logo

Social Flow Workshop: How to Win with Social Media Without Losing Productivity

UPDATE: Unfortunately, Mike isn’t well and we’re going to have to postpone our February 4 workshop in Vancouver. We’re going ahead with our February 21st workshop in Victoria, so we hope to see you there. Vancouver workshop will be rescheduled to March.

 

https://twitter.com/#!/mikevardy/statuses/158681876255604737

Who: Noted social media trainer Lorraine Murphy and “productivityist” Mike Vardy (editor Lifehack.org)

What: Social Flow: How to Win with Social Media without Losing Productivity

When: 10-4, February 04/2012

Where: ING Web Cafe, 466 Howe Street, Vancouver BC

How: Register here for the Social Flow workshop

It’s a social media struggle!

Wrestling with the idea that you can’t possibly become better at promoting yourself or your business through social media without it harming your productivity?

Well, wrestle no more.

Taking part in Social Flow: How to Win with Social Media without Losing Productivity is your ticket to championship gold in record time!

Social media trainer Lorraine Murphy and “productivityist” Mike Vardy (editor Lifehack.org) will guide you through the ins and outs of managing the social media profiles that keep you both active in your work and telling the public about your work all in one go.

Topics covered include:

  • How to Make Gmail Your Best Friend
  • What Task Manager is Right For You
  • Why Your Email Inbox is Not the Right Task Manager for anyone
  • Improving your Social Flow in Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and the new kid on the block, Google+
  • Why Planning your Social Media output is Integral to Your Social Flow
  • How to Avoid Falling Prey to the Perpetual Automation Machine
  • What Calendars are actually For
  • How to Increase Your Social Flow Using Hashtags, Twitter Lists…and more

This hands-on boot camp will not only get you on top of your social media profiles, but it will get you on top of what you need to do make sure they add attention to your business rather than subtract your attention from your business.

Register to attend an upcoming Social Flow workshop

Mike Vardy

Mike Vardy

Mike Vardy is the writer, speaker, and “productivityist” behind Vardy.me and the productivity parody site Eventualism. Vardy’s candid satire has made him a desirable speaker on an often dry topic, delivering talks on the topic such as “Hacking Lifehacks” at TEDx Juan De Fuca. Currently a Managing Editor at Stepcase Lifehack, Vardy has contributed to many popular productivity websites and publications, including David Allen’s GTD Times and Productive Magazine. He lives with his wife, daughter and son in Victoria, BC, Canada.