Category Archives: Blogging

Fun with Dorks

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Because all dorks are not created equal. Lord of the Rings dorks, ferinstance, are unequal, generally being superior, particularly to the kind of dork who sees your “186,000 miles per second isn’t just a good idea: it’s the Law” Einstein t-shirt and comes over to say “Actually, it’s 186,282.397 miles per second,” and then wonders why he sleeps alone.

And if you still doubt the Bond-like coolitude of LOTR fans, you can look here, here, here, or here for proof of cred, you doubting trolls! Meanwhile, you can enjoy this stunning work of art, a video of the SandwichQuest of the Rohirrim and the Last Snack Ride of Theoden. Remember to bring a hankie for the melodramatic finale!

Comments by the Author(s) of Theoden, Horsemaster

A little movie about Theoden, King of the Mark. Theoden PlateWe made this as a little “preview” for the third installment of our Lord of the Rings Parody: Special Edition. The storyline is made all by ourselfs, we came up with the idea during Return of the King. If you like Lord of the Rings, you’ll probably like this as well. We hoped it would be a small/short movie, but as you can see it turned out to be quite different. Enjoy!

* Team Lorio *

P.S. December 17 – Happy Birthday to Bernard Hill!!!

And from the same awe-inspiring team of filmmakers, we have this, the shortest of all LOTR musicals, which features a special guest star, sure to be popular with those loyal Gilbert & Sullivan fans, our fogey contingent.

Podcaster of the Year: The Kid from Brooklyn

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The Kid from BrooklynThe Kid from Brooklyn is unquestionably the world's greatest living podcaster.

Does this fellow know what he's doing? Judging by the professional set design (Naugahyde La-Z-Boy, Home Depot shelving), scary dye job on the carnivorous eyebrows, and the lack of notably dulcet vocal stylings, I'd have to say he does not.

Does it matter? Not in the slightest.

Is he for real? Oh god I hope so; the world needs more cranky old bastards!!!

I recommend going to his Videos Page and clicking a few at random.

My personal favorites include:

 Gold Digger, Terrorists, Regular People, and, of course, Starbucks.

Edited to add:

How, in the name of all that is holy, did I forget to mention the best entry, perhaps the best single podcast of all time, Go F*** Yourself!?

Operation Global Media Domination: Porn Coaster????

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TIAA big, friendly welcome to the three people who’ve reached this blog through searching for the term “Porn Coaster.” Maybe not as friendly as they were expecting, but still.

porn coaster 3
starbucks fatman 1
Pakistani funny web sites 1
cocaine corner 1

So I guess all those posts about Kantian Deontology just fell by the wayside, eh? And what about the Squidfans, dammit? I really put out for you people! Oh, fine, have your calamari and eat your Kiwa Hirsuta too. Coke, Republicans, fat people at Starbucks (try Vancouver, Washington; I know whereof I speak), and laff riots from earthquake-devastated, tinderbox countries. Now, I’m a cynic, but you people worry even me.

linkie o’ the day: everything DOES have a fansite

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And, until recently, an annual convention (and has the word ever been less aptly applied?).

SegwayFest!

You read that right. SegwayFest! Note the super-hyped “!” !!!! From 2003-2005 inclusive, the world’s largest collection of elastic waist chino enthusiasts gathered annually at a Southern backwater city chosen for the ready availability of cheap Redbull and Day’s Inns for their annual Lazy Dork Rodeo. Alas, it is no more, and these bereft vacationeers will have to content themselves with weekend jaunts to Excalibur! (also “!”) in Vegas.

Behold: Segway butts

Every year, in conjunction with other Segway® HT enthusiasts and Segway enthusiast organizations [!!!!!!](such as SegwayChat and SEG America), Segway LLC supports a national gathering for the Segway HT community.

Dubbed SegwayFest, 2003 marked the first year of this gathering and was attended by over 150 people from around the country. SegwayFest! 2003 was held in Chicago while SegwayFest! 2004 was held in Bonita Springs, Florida. Each SegwayFest offers in-depth workshops, educational seminars, “Ask the Experts” sessions, social gatherings, Segway HT skill competitions, special guest speakers, and more!

“And more!” Wow, “over 150 people!” I guess those big numbers start to get confusing, especially after the second or third RedBull.

And here are the true believers, men (?) and women (?) not afraid to pose with their Segways in full polo gear. Ralph Lauren would be so proud; he can’t use his legs much either.

Segway polo

Welcome to SEG America
the national Segway Enthusiasts Group!

Oh god, more “!”

Welcome to the Segway Enthusiasts Group – America, the official national organization for enthusiasts and owners of the Segway® Human Transporter (HT)! We are an independent, national organization that can help bring together Segway HT owners and enthusiasts across the country as we share our interest in the Segway HT. SEG America is run by its members for its members. Our primary goal is to act as a tool to enable Segway enthusiasts to share information and experiences with each other and to move forward the concept of the Segway HT as new mode of transportation.

I love how they always call it the Segway HT, as if there were a whole raft of other Segways out there you might confuse it with. And, I suppose, after the second or third RedBull, you might.

Operation Global Media Domination: the sport that wouldn’t die

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TIALast week it was all about feminine hygiene; this week, it’s all about curling and cowichan sweaters. By putting the two of these singularly-unbeatable elements together in one mighty blog post, I have apparently trounced all 102 of my other posts and generated a media monster of Frankensteinian proportions. No other post even comes close to the day-after-day, unassailable popularity of the post about bloody curling!

Did you even know that they closed the schools in Newfoundland when the curling final was on, so the kids could stay home and watch? Geez, I think that’s a bit optimistic. I mean, have you been to Newfoundland? I’m not sure they all have electricity, let alone cable. Hell, I’m not sure they all have opposable thumbs. Cartier described it as, “The land God gave to Cain,” and I don’t think he’s given it back, either. Ever met a Newfie? We should all take note of the fact that the definitive Newfie song was written over a bajillion and a half years ago by a 15-year-old cabin boy and they’ve come up with nothing better since.

They were so thrilled to have a celebrity describe their godforsaken rock, they turned the quote into a folk song. Remember what Tom Lehrer said about folk songs? “The reason most folk songs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.” Makes hella sense, eh?

The Land God Gave to Cain

Long before the white man came
To haul the shining cod
When the wild and stately caribou
Traversed the snow-clad sod
The native man he walked these hills
And he fished the silvery lakes
Content with what the land would yield
Not one bit more would take

But soon the word it was put out
To every country
For to find a northern passage from
The sea to the shining sea
And the first to come were trappers
Then the men of God who preached
That they would return in hundredfold
An equal share to each

For years the men of Newfoundland
Those fishermen so poor
Sent down each year in springtime for
To fish on the Labrador
But soon the fish they were all gone
With the fur it was the same
And the native suffered silently
In the land God gave to Cain

The years went by, and as time passed
The companies moved in
For ore, and wood, and the hydro power
The struggle it did begin
And the working men on both sides
Tried to live their lives the same
And the native suffered silently
In the land God gave to Cain

But now it’s for the future
Both sides do shed a tear
For the old ways they are passing like
The caribou and hare
And now they all are wondering
If it was all in vain
And the native suffers silently
In the land God gave to Cain