The Golden Telephone

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read “$10,000 per call”.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.
“O.K., thank you,” said the American.
He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston and New York.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same “$10,000 per call” sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to Canada to see if Canadians had the same phone.
He arrived in Canada, and again, in the first church he entered,
there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read “40 cents per call.”
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
“Father, I’ve traveled all over America and I’ve seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I’m told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?”

The priest smiled and answered, “You’re in Canada now, son – it’s a local call”.

My neighborhood:

Another Windsor hits the headlines

   Honorary Lance Corporal William Windsor was
   stripped of his rank this week after attacking
   the arse of a military drummer. The regimental
   goat of the 1st Battalion Royal Welch regiment,
   otherwise known as “Billy”, refused to march
———————–
What do you call an unemployed goat? Billy Idol.
What do you call a goat at sea? Billy Ocean.
What do you call a goat that mimes? Billi Vanilli.
—————————————————–

       >> Don\’t look back in anger <<
       Christina Aguilera needs charm school

   Christina Aguilera has always had a diva
   attitude – arriving hours late for everything,
   big demands, feuds with everyone from Mariah
   to Kelly Osbourne.

   Now with the release of her new album she\’s
   learned a new trick. During promo interviews
   she\’s refused to look at any journalist.
   Instead, the diva insists that the interview,
   for which she\’s usually two to four hours late,
   takes place in a dimly lit room, where she sits
   and stares in the other direction completely
   to the journalists while they ask, and she
   answers, questions.

—————————————————–
Hoffwatch: Dave is today receiving treatment at St
Thomas\’ Hospital, after leaving the Sanderson Hotel
in an ambulance. He "cut himself shaving", apparently.
—————————————————–

       >> Belgian buffoonery <<
       Jean-Claude just can\’t kick the habit
“,1] ); //–>   and stay in line during the parade at the
   Episkopi garrison, Cyprus, and ended up
   headbutting a group of military drummers before
   attacking them with his horns.

   Now bad boy Billy has been demoted and has lost
   the perks of his rank, such as being saluted.

—————————————————–
What do you call an unemployed goat? Billy Idol.
What do you call a goat at sea? Billy Ocean.
What do you call a goat that mimes? Billi Vanilli.

fuddle duddle, the VIDEO!!!

One day in February, 1971: A great moment in Canadian history. Someone once said that in Pierre Elliott Trudeau Canada has at last produced a political leader worth of assassination, and love him or hate him you just have to agree. Watch the video and make up your own mind.

Thanks to Raj for grabbing and re-formatting, cropping, and uploading. God knows I’m far too lazy to do all that myself.

 

Plus bonus: The October Crisis, the Kidnapping of Pierre Laporte

This is so damn earnest, it just may be the most Canadian thing I’ve ever seen.
What say you all?

Brokebeer Mountain

from Raj, who probably had no idea I’d load it on Youtube. But there ya go; live and learn (to cross me off your forward lists).

Canadian Rock: Bigger! Harder! Boozier!

Twinkle, Twinkle, little bioengineered superweapon

Porcupine, Bitch!According to this report from ABC News and the BBC, the United Kingdom has perfected a radically new and different weapons system.

While both Canada and the US sat by, lulled into complacency by the sheer numbers of their old-skool artillery, the Brits have been bio-engeneering a groundbreaking (literally) new weapon, cleverly tucked away on an ostrich farm where nobody would think to look for it.

The Poisonous Porcupine.

People in north-west England are being warned not to approach a porcupine which burrowed out of a farm visitors centre and is now on the loose, BBC Online reports.

Twinkle, a 0.9 metre long female, escaped from her enclosure at Eden Ostrich World near Penrith on Saturday, prompting warnings because her detachable, poison-filled quills can become embedded in skin.

Jim Peet, from the centre, was quoted as saying that Twinkle was normally "cool" but was classed as a dangerous wild animal because of her spiky appearance.

"She could make a real mess of someone's garden and she should not be approached as her quills contain poison and she could become flustered if backed into a corner," he added.

Twinkle's disappearance came after some British newspapers said police had received reports of a tiger on the loose in Yorkshire, northern England.

Any bets on what kind of poison they're using? Ricin? Strychnine? Insulin megadose? I pick my fallback fave, sodium fluroacetate.

Just look in them beady little eyes; they may be the last thing you ever see, bitch.

Porkypine