death poetry jam: fired from Apple for laying it down hardcore on the Canadian FedEx lady

Actually, all the FedEx ladies I know but one are gay. But Canadian FedEx ladies, gay, straight, or undecided Guatemalan poncho-clad and living off the Drive, are cool; this is not in dispute.

I knew one woman who worked with FedEx not because they had a great partner benefits program, which I believe they did, nor because the pay was good, which I believe it was, nor because the hours were flexible and suited her, which I believe they did, but rather because, on every cargo flight, there is an extra jumpseat in the cockpit which is available to FedEx employees who may wish to fly to, say, Bali, say, every Friday afternoon and return, oh, say every Monday morning, having surfed and parties the entire time, speaking hypothetically, of course.

Which reminds me to get my damn application in to FedEx. They need bloggers, right? Oh, totally.

In any case, here is the sad, yet amusing and Schadenfreude-laden tale of the star of Apple‘s local talent show, who allegedly-and-apparently got his butt fired for the following, talent-show-rocking, American Idol-worthy performance of, his ode to the Canadian FedEx lady.

Rhyme different?

And yes, they do indeed all have huge, anime eyes, the colour of Hudson’s Bay, Algonquin Park in October, Alberta sweetgrass, or the ice at the hidden heart of a Baffin Island glacier. Video over the jump.

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pillowfight, baby!

Urban Mixer pillowfight, baby! 

FWD from the Flashmob email group: Call out to THE PARTY PEOPLE young and old, in and around Vancouver.

VANCOUVER FLASHMOB PILLOW FIGHT
Art Gallery South Side (Robson Steps)

Same as last year!!! and Next Year. THAT MEANS 3 PM
First Saturday after the First day of spring.
This year. March 24th 3pmSharp (not a minute sooner).
Finish at 315 sharp. Then disperse quickly to the afterparty of your choice.
Don’t boff anyone who is not armed with a pillow.
Use common sense and be compassionate.

March 24th at 3pm sharp!!! (Synchronize your watch to Transit Time)
At Robson Square on the street, south side of the Art Gallery.
TELL EVERYONE!!!

The Rules are:
-Look inconspicuous (For effects don’t draw attention to yourself)
-Hide your Pillow so it’s not visible (preferably feather)
-Do not congregate in the location try to be generally around it.
— It will be really weird when “Out of Nowhere” all these people start to Pillow Fight.

1: At exactly 3pm Pillows OUT!!! And descend onto Robson Square.
2: ONLY Pillow fight those with Pillows
3: DO NOT hit bystanders or cameras unless invited.
4: At 3:15 walk away.

That’s it TELL EVERYONE!!!
No one knows why or for whom it “Just happens”

For those of you on this list that are paying attention.
Assume you are the “Organizer” and start looking around the Net for people.
Just send this message to all the goodvibe people that you know.

Cut and Paste and PASS IT ON !!

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If I had a rocket launcher

By request, Bruce Cockburn‘s revolutionary anthem. Not all lefties are peaceniks, you know. Lyrics over the jump…

Che, yo.

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PSA: City moves to close another SRO; Pivot calls for use of initiative approved yesterday

VancouverThe City of Vancouver is moving to close another low-income single room occupancy building, this time the Picadilly Hotel, also known as the Pender Place Hotel, located at 622 West Pender Street. A notice to tenants from the City of Vancouver tells the building’s occupants that if the owners fail to remedy deficiencies in the building by February 28, 2007, the building will have to be vacated. The Picadilly has 39 rooms, 12 of which are currently occupied by low-income residents at high risk of homelessness. The remainder of the rooms remain empty because welfare has refused to issue cheques for tenants who wish to rent rooms there.

“The twelve tenants have been given 19 days notice of their potential eviction,” says David Eby, lawyer with the Pivot Legal Society. “While this is an improvement on the half hour eviction notice the Burns Block residents received, it is hardly the approach that we want the City to take in this type of situation.”

Yesterday evening, Vancouver’s city council instructed staff to identify a “test case” low-income building for use of the Standards of Maintenance By-law. This by-law permits City officials to enter residential buildings and make repairs to ensure the safety of tenants, and then bill those repairs back to the owner of the building. A 1990 decision of the B.C. Supreme Court called Carline Holdings v. City of Vancouver determined that the City’s powers under this by-law are well founded in the Vancouver Charter, refuting a defendant’s argument that the by-law only permitted “cosmetic” repairs.

“The timing is perfect for the Picadilly to be the City of Vancouver’s building maintenance test case,” said Eby. “Instead of punishing the tenants by sending them out into the street, the City could punish the owner for letting this building fall into such disrepair by making the necessary repairs to ensure tenant safety and sending the owner a bill. It’s a win win situation: the tenants stay housed and the building is improved at no cost to the city.”

The tenants have been advised by the Notice to contact the Tenant Assistant Program of the City of Vancouver for assistance relocating. Eby says that this is no remedy at all. “The Burns Block residents were supposedly offered relocation as well, but several of my clients from that building were homeless for periods of days, weeks or months. The one tenant who was assisted was homeless for two days first. The rest had to find their own housing, and those that are housed now live in even worse buildings. At least one former Burns Block resident is still homeless.”  The Burns Block building, which was closed by the city in March of 2006, would have been another perfect candidate for the new initiative. Unfortunately, instead of making the minimum necessary repairs and billing the owner, the City closed the building, sending the 18 residents from that building into the street with half an hour’s notice. The building is now up for auction and will be sold on March 1, 2007,the day after the scheduled closure of the Picadilly.

For more information contact:
David Eby – Pivot Legal Society – (778) 865-7997
“Al and Raj” – Operators of the Picadilly Hotel – (604)682-3221

 ———————-
About Pivot Legal Society
Pivot’s mandate is to take a strategic approach to social change, using the law to address the root causes that undermine the quality of life of those most on the margins.   We believe that everyone, regardless of income, benefits from a healthy and inclusive community where values such opportunity, respect and equality are strongly rooted in the law.

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the legend of Stamp’s Landing, with bonus legend decoder

Stamp's Landing 

from the archives 

The Legend of Stamp’s Landing, with bonus legend decoder
Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Got this from the back of a menu at the pub. Hey, you think this kinda thing makes it into Toynbee???

The Legend of Stamp’s Landing

Stamp’s Landing was named by Captain Edward Stamp in honor[sic] of his great-grandfather who, in 1794, under the command of Lord Howe, fought in the battle of “the Glorious 1st of June” [they fought grouse from British warships off Spanish Banks? Vancouver’s history is even more colourful than I’d imagined. What kind of ordinance did the grouse use against the Brits, I wonder].

Sir William Henry Stamp, Bart [which isn’t a Simpson’s reference: it means “Baronet”] the commander of HMS Formidable [a word I can spell only by remembering the French, which sounds way cooler anyway, even just in your head] 74 guns, did engage in that battle and sustained a heavy blow to the head [ the Bart, not the Formidable]. Delirious, he jettisoned a small landing craft, boarded it and drifted into a fog bank and disappeared.

He drifted for several days at last hitting a rock shore in a small inlet now known as False Creek. He was greeted there by several friendly natives who cared for him, sustained him with food and drink, and showed him a good time. [he musta been a big spender]

After a year, he reluctantly bid farewell to that friendly place [besides, the girls were starting to “show” by now]. The natives took him into open water at what is now known as Point Atkinson. There he was picked up by a packing frigate that was patroling the area. Stamp related the story of his landing in that friendly place with beautiful women, good food and drink and warm companionship. All aboard were fascinated by the stories and the good fortune of Stamp’s Landing.

Throughout the years the name “Stamp’s Landing” has lived in legends of good fortune and navel [sic again, unless this is another sly pregnancy reference] luck. When adrift at sea, sailors would propose a toast with whatever rations they had left, “Here’s to another Stamp’s Landing!

and now for the Secret Legend Decoder, which I got from inside mine own head. 

Secret Legend Decoder

So this dude, no doubt sent abroad for sheer uselessness, as were so many young men of the times (there’s always a surplus of useless young men; at least, there was back then, before the days of motorcycles and fatal vending machine accidents) got the shit scared out of him when he was bopped on the head with something in battle with the fearsome grouse of the Lower Mainland, and besides, he was in the wrong ocean entirely anyway. So when an opportune fog bank rolled in, he got into a wee boat, hoping to sneak away from the action unmissed.

He succeeded, landed, managed to make some friends among some unwarlike people, and spent many months making a parasitic nuisance of himself. Finally, when they’d had enough of this pasty-faced layabout, they stuck him on a boat out in the middle of traffic, where sure enough some lemolo kingchauch sailed by and went: oh look! Anudder whiteboy! Let’s fish him up! Whereupon this dude lied the pants off himself and thus became legendary.

So much easier to do when you’re the one writing the legend, eh?

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