Category Archives: Celebrity

too little, too late…like howbout a sammich?

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Ah, how I regret the times I did not post. Indeed, some lameass survey of, apparently, pipples on their deathbeds (don’t ask me where) said that they far more regretted the things they had not done than the things they had. In the era of blogging, how immeasurably intensified is this nameless pressure?

POST! POST NOW!

Hesitate but a moment and the meme is lost.

Had I not caught the Mentos and Diet Coke wave, I would even now be languishing in the depths of the WordPress “Most Irrelevant Blogs” page. Although even there I would want to be Number One.

So I hesitated. And so I lost. I lost the chance to make fun of Kiera Knightly, a woman who has never, as I have, had to line up at a food bank.

Sweetie, if you’re ever in Vancouver, I will bring you a sandwich.

a saw, a subway, and a poignant teddy bear rescue: YouTube is there

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From Gawker. 

Because You Demanded It — deranged man attacks subway rider with industrial tools, then absconds with teddy bear on continued crimewave. The Today Show has the goods above. Shocking, as even with the trials and tribulations of a normal New York subway commute, one rarely expects an assault from a pair of cordless reciprocating saws. And there’s some question about whether or not MTA workers at the scene fled and/or observed the carnage with bored disinterest. See zone-flooding repetitive linkfest after the jump for full details, but the upshot is that the alleged saw-wielding maniac has been apprehended, and the victim is recovering from his wounds in the hospital. Plus, as Newsday notes, subway officials don’t think this will make customers feel unsafe, and they’re right — an interviewed straphanger says of the saw attack, “It doesn’t happen that often.” [emph. added]

Link roundup and more here.

Okay people, what was I just saying about do-it-yourselfers? These people should be stopped before they attempt to teddy rustle again.

Surely Canadian Tire sells some kind of DIY-er-proof fencing. Like, for when they have doorcrasher sales on Motomaster batteries and shit. Round ’em up and let God sort ’em out. As long as the corral “needs work” they’ll be content. They may not even notice; perhaps we could send them to Gitmo to put in a pool and squash court.

Does anyone have before/after pix of Alderson?

Danth a little clother to…CHARO!!!

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Yeah, maybe. But you and I both know you’ll watch it when nobody’s looking.
The greatest flamenco guitarist of her generation, and this is what she’ll go down in history for. I no longer feel underappreciated, relatively speaking.

I am also heartened to see that even seasoned Vegas performers and Love Boat semi-regulars have great difficulty dancing in those stupid heels. Bars should have shoe caddies under the tables so you can swap to flats for hitting the floor.

Pirate Booty Call, with bonus casting couch!

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Orlando Bloom discusses the universal desire to get taken from behind by Johnny Depp. From AP:

Pirate Booty, arrrrrr!

AP: What makes these “Pirates” films so appealing?

Bloom: I guess we all want to be a pirate. Somewhere inside us I suppose it’s a real fantasy about being out on the open sea. Nothing’s stopping you from living whatever life you want to live. You’re not landlocked. And pirate booty, everyone likes a bit of pirate booty…

AP: What was it like … with Johnny Depp?

Bloom: He just tears up the s—–. It was great for me. I think he’s [made] brave choices and doing m—– that he wants, not conforming. I really admire that and I think he really delivers as Jack Sparrow. It was great for me …

Even I couldn’t have said it better, melad. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

And here we have the job listing for aforesaid pirate booty. Apparently, Depp has a gimp fetish.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 3 OPEN CALL 
 

Open Casting Call – Through 15 August 2006

Pirates of the Caribbean 3

PIRATES HOTLINE

818.725.2905

Sande Alessi Casting

13731 Ventura Blvd., Top Floor

Sherman Oaks, CA  91423

Monday through Friday, 11am – 3pm

Seeking Pirates — men age 18+, all shapes and sizes, all ethnicities: Asian, Spanish, French, African, Syrian, Lebanese, Middle Eastern, Turkish, Armenian, Arab, Persian, Caucasian, South American, Pacific Islander, Eskimo, etc…

You must be an extreme character type! We need extremely skinny, very tall, very short, hunchback, little people, unusual facial features and body types, exotic amputees, albinos, etc.

Bring your own current 3×5 photo (does not have to be professional). If you do not have a photo, we can take one for you for $2.00

Star Trek Cribs: The Next Generation

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As requested, the Director’s Cut