Category Archives: Celebrity

viva la Chi’en revolucion

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Chi'en RevolutionFired CBS anchorman Arthur Chi'en has won his wrongful dismissal case against his ex-employers.

The revolutionary icon was kicked to the curb, as you may recall, for losing it under pressure, live on-air, and inquiring of a pestering gadfly:

What the fuck is your problem?

The Chi'en Cause was, naturally, taken up by bloggers and student journalists everywhere, particularly after it became known that the pestering gadfly in question was actually employed by another media organization specifuckally to perform such interventions.

From the Revolutionary Headquarters:

Arthur Chi'en, The Right Man At The Right Time!

Today's battle is only the beginning of a long and illustrious life of leadership in the war against placard-bearing satellite-radio drones and shell-shocked corporate news officers! Show your support of his righteous reaction in your office cubicle and/or local shopping center! He will report again!

And today's report, from the mainstream media:

F-word shouldn't have spelled 'fired' Chi'en WTF is your problem?
 
An arbitrator has ruled TV reporter Arthur Chi'en was wrongly fired by WCBS Channel 2 for blurting out the F-word on live television last year.
The station should have handed Chi'en a lesser penalty for lashing out at hecklers in a live shot when he thought the cameras weren't rolling last May.

linkie o’ the day: handyman killers

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Is this really Sebastian Junger? Given his experience with having the Boston Strangler as his handyman, it would only make sense. In fact, looking at Handyman Killers, quite a lot of things make sense, including the ex-roomie known to readers of the raincoaster blog as "Loserboy," the hash-addicted epileptic handyman who attempted to throw raincoaster from upstairs to downstairs. She still takes some pride in the fact that when the police got there they noted a large Nike print on his face. It was the least I could do.

Q. Are you serious about this?

A. Deadly serious

Q. How can I protect myself from handymen?Handyman as Archetype

A. You really can't. Just learn to fix things yourself. Or, if you must hire a handyman, make sure you are not in the house alone. Have a large, scary-looking friend come over at the same time.

Q. Is there any news about Jennifer Aniston on this site?

A. No. And there will not be – unless she is killed by a handyman, which is not at all outside the bounds of possibility.

the face of Lordi?

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Good Lordi!

A little background, for those of us who somehow missed the Eurovision Song Contest. I suppose I could turn to music journalists at this time, but that's just not me. What is? Turning, of course, to those shrivelled little hearts of tar, fashion journalists the Fuggers:

Lordi dresses itself — primarily with the aid of reindeer fur — as different monsters from different eras. Although presumably even the undead have an enduring sense of patriotic pride, as evidenced by the zombie whose face is rotting off, yet whose head is adorned with a kicky little Finland top hat, as if he is threatening here to break into a series of cabaret-style high kicks before he flosses his teeth with your intestines. And Mummy Of The Bride over there just seems so endearingly thrilled to be clutching that bouquet of spring life in his decaying arms. Fantastic.

Crushingly, iTunes hasn't figured out how to let me buy things in Euros (please, iTunes, get on that immediately), or else I'd be all over Lordi's album — titled, of course, The Arockalypse, and filled with kicky death metal songs entitled "The Night Of The Loving Dead," "Chainsaw Buffet," "Bringing Back The Balls To Rock," "It Snows In Hell," and of course the Eurovision-winning tune, "Hard Rock Hallelujah." And Finland is going insane for these guys — four different versions of "Hard Rock Hallelujah" are in the Finnish iTunes Top 10 Songs list.

I absolutely cherish the idea that the Finnish people want the world to see five huge guys dressed up as punk Skeletors and think, "Oh, man, that is so Finland." I secretly — okay, not so secretly — love Lordi deeply even though they look completely insane.

Sploid is reporting widespread outrage at two Finnish tabloids, who have outed the Orc-tastic lead singer's undisguised visage. Apparently, he, like all white thirtysomething men, bears a slight resemblance to Kevin Smith.

"It's so wrong," said 15-year-old Milla Luoto. "Lordi didn't want his face shown and they just did it anyway. I am really angry."

The actual face of Lordi after the jump. Continue reading →

the wisdom of the ages

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The lessons of history? There are four:

  • The bee fertilizes the flower it robs;
  • whom the gods would destroy they first make mad with power;
  • the mills of God grind slowly, but they grind exceeding small;
  • when it is dark enough, you can see the stars.

Charles A. Beard

what if???

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Gallery of the Absurd, via Defamer.

Shiloh...what if?