Category Archives: Celebrity

Our Traci Lords, who art in Heaven

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It seems a bit odd, but maybe only to me, that increasingly I have come to testify to the awesomeness of former porn star Traci Lords. Why would a prude (or circumscribed prude) such as myself be all YEAH SHE IS AWESOME? Well, I’ll be happy to tell you but happier to show you. My first exposure to Traci Lords was by clicking in, by accident, to Whoopi Goldberg’s talk show in the 90’s, about halfway through, long past the use of personal pronouns. I had no idea who this woman was; I just knew that her charity work was amazing, and informed by an intelligence that was not circumscribed by any set of cultural blinkers. Watch and learn.

and recently she came forward about the Steubenville rapes, to testify to a rape culture in the town, a culture which contributed to her own rape, at the age of ten. She was the first and (as far as I can see) only person to talk about the fact the victim was ejaculated and peed upon. She’s turned that experience into the music video Stupidville, and I applaud her for it.

Homesteading 101

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Scott McGillivray needs to call me

Scott McGillivray needs to call me

Well, I’ve found my first project for Panorama Palace. The long-term plan is of course to buy some land and coax Scott McGillivray to come over and help me convert it into an income suite and a honeymoon suite, just in case the project drags on, you know. He’ll need somewhere to stay. With me. I’m just trying to be practical here, ya know?

But it’s best to start small and work your way up to something bigger, so I’ve got my eye on this as a beginner’s handyperson project. It’s practical, as it will assist in taking me off the electrical grid and make me more self-sufficient, power-wise.

That it is also potentially deadly and Frickin’ Awesome entered my mind not at all, oh perish the thought.

Convert a junk TV into a 2000ºF solar cooker. Here’s a technique for hacking a 4 foot mega magnifying lens out of your old TV, and some of the things you can do with it!

Thanks to the safety-conscious Rob Cottingham and his friends on Facebook for the tip. And yes, I’m putting this here in case my lawyer needs this at some point in the future, for what reason I cannot predict.

Kismet!

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celebrity sperminators?

celebrity sperminators?

You know how fond we are of our internet quizzes around these parts (particularly when we’re feeling lazy, which is always). This may be our greatest find in all of Internet Quiz history. Oh, first we were all like, that site is so skanky! It’s fucking Essex Online, with a side of Whalley.tripod.com crossed with JerseyShore.com.

It is nothing more nor less than a celebrity sperm bank.

And…it’s British people. So their definition of “celebrity” includes basically anyone with a tan and competent orthodontistry.

But they have a quiz, so we gave it a whirl. Well, just LOOK at this, wouldja?

Famedaddy Bono

Famedaddy Bono

Obviously this quiz is wise beyond the lot of mortals. HOW DID IT KNOW???? Le sigh. Some day.

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The Ultimate New Media Smackdown! Gawker vs Hulk Hogan

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This is astonishing. Stunning. Staggering. Entirely mind-blowing. This video describing the sex tape drama between gossipy website Gawker and immoral wrestler and tanning product abuser Hulk Hogan will cause you to question the very nature of reality, if not the point of existence itself.

I know what you’re wondering; you have the same question as me. We all want to know the answer.

How does that studly himbo Gawker get his logo to float in front of his shirt like that?

Ja,n; Just Act, Naturally

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JAN: Just Act, Naturally

JAN: Just Act, Naturally

Just feast your starvéd eyes on this vision of natural, spontaneous loveliness. She is Ja,n: Just Act, Naturally; she used to be called Jan: Just Act Naturally, but she changed it because…reasons. And she has a Tumblr.

Would it come as a total shock to you that she teaches acting? Look at her: it was either that or interpretive healing dance.

Emmy Speech Master Class Announcement!

My acting master class is dedicated to the most important performance of an actor’s career: the Emmy Awards acceptance speech.

My much sought-after class is back by popular demand!

Meets twice weekly for four weeks. Cost: $899.00. Begins October 5th. Cash only, no personal checks.

To register, email JAN.JustActNaturally@gmail.com and tell me why you want to be in the class. Admission is based on strength of essay and knowledge of my work.

You can’t have EMMY without EM-ME!

Well, who wouldn’t want to take that workshop? Careful, no stampeding: the line forms on the left. “By popular demand,” yeah, I’ve used that one myself!

But who would spend that kind of money without taking a careful look and doing due diligence and other alliterative investigative thingies. So let us go deep inside the Emmy Speech Master Class and see the hidden truth about delivering a speech in full “I WANT TO LIVE” mode while at the same time remembering to thank your lawyer.

Invest in your future! You never know when you’ll need the assistance of a grateful lawyer.

As someone on Twitter said, “Every day I’m not Parker Posey is a failure.”