Category Archives: Christianity

The Billy Idol Christmas Album

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Now it's Billy who's the old drunk yelling at the Christmas tree 

It’s beginning to look a lot like has beens, everywhere you go. There’s a feeble attempt to groove, a face too plastic to move, a greedy ex-wife, plus there’s all the blow…

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the legendary punk rocker Billy Idol has finally given up all pretense to cool and released the predictable mid-career Christmas album, twenty years too late. While his voice has always boasted the lushness of port-soaked velvet and may indeed suit the material (or it did a generation ago. like when he released Yellin’ at the Christmas Tree), let’s just say that celebrating the birth of the baby Jesus in song isn’t the very first thing that comes to mind when I think of Billy Idol.

Listen to a bizarrely country-themed yet shockingly not half bad Winter Wonderland here. And while you’re there, you can order Billy Idolwear, including thongs! As if anyone close to Billy wears underwear…

And just for auld lang syne:

“Yellin’ At The Xmas Tree“

(Billy Idol/Brian Tichy)

When I was a small boy
Here in London town
Seasons snow was falling on the ground
All the friends and family
Here on Christmas Eve
Gather round to dress
The Christmas tree
But daddy’s down at the pub
Full of Christmas cheer
Probably won’t come home
Until next year

[Chorus:]
Oh the Christmas bells are ringing
And the carolers are singing
But Daddy, he don’t hear ’em
He’s yellin’ at the Christmas tree
Santa’s balls are jingling
Mommy’s hips a-wiggling
But Daddy, he don’t hear ’em
He’s yellin, he’s yellin’
At the Christmas tree

All right now yeah…

Uncle is a sports fan
Granny likes a joke
But no one laughs when
Daddy’s stumbles home
But he don’t fall asleep
Wah! The night was getting black

You see, oh God,
Dad had too much Jack
Oh Lord!

Every year is the same old thing
Like Rudolph’s red nose
Telling this story will never get old

[Chorus]

Well alright now yeah…
Well alright now…
Yellin’ at the Christmas tree

Santa came down the chimney
But then he ran upstairs
Jumped in bed with Mommy
She didn’t care
Across the room went the fruitcakes
Ah, the wreath came off the door
If these are holidays I can take no more
Every year it’s the same old thing
Like Rudolph’s red nose
Hearing this story will never get old

[Chorus]

Santa’s balls are jingling
Mommy’s hips a-wiggling
But Daddy, he don’t hear ’em
He’s yellin’
He’s yellin’ at the Christmas tree

Well alright now yeah…

He’s yellin’ at the Christmas tree
He’s yellin’ at the Christmas tree
He’s yellin’ at the Christmas tree
He’s sleeping it the Christmas tree

A Billy Idol Steve Stevens Christmas Card, no word of a lie

the spirits of the season

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and I’m not talking brandy and rum for once. In our continuing series of inclusive, multiculti holiday features here on the ol’ raincoaster blog, there is one group we have overlooked; a group, it could be said, that has more right to representation on Jesus’ birthday than any other. A group with which he has a great deal in common. Indeed, they are a group in which he always took an unhealthy interest. We are going to rectify that omission now. We are going to post this heartwarming commercial from South America featuring a group to warm the cockles of your…cockles.

The accursed. The shunned. The murderous. The insane. The undead.

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who has rolled away the stone?

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Ah, that would be telling! Like I said, Gawker, use a silver bullet next time.

the HP Lovecraft drinking game

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It’s about time we had one of these, what with the party season wrapping us in its clammy and overly-accessorized embrace. Hug back with all ten tentacles and most of what’s left of your liver with this riotous party-for-one-eccentric-loner-friendly game from your good friends at Cthulhu Coffee, the go-to site for all your Cooking with Cthulhu recipe needs.

Whereas normally I’d excerpt it here, the site informs me (in a myriad whispered voices, with strangely musical pipings over a wide range, evoking visions of fantastic vistas…where was I?) that it’s never going to be updated again, so fuckit. I’m stealing this wholesale. What’s the worst that can happen? I get mysteriously offed by a swarthy and strangely misshapen sailor in an obscure foreign port?

Like we don’t all know that’s going to happen anyway.

Grab yourself a bottle of absinthe and pree-pare to par-tay!

Cthulhu himself recommends the girly drinks!

H.P. Lovecraft Drinking Game

 

Category

Drinking Rules
General Take a gulp any time that Lovecraft:

    …uses more than one adjective in a row, i.e.: “Molded by the dead brain of a hybrid nightmare, would not such a vaporous terror constitute in all loathsome truth the exquisitely, the shriekingly unnamable?” (“The Unnamable”)
    …uses a purposely vague description. (i.e. “unspeakable horror”)
    …refers to an other-worldy location. (i.e., Sarnath, Kadath in the Cold Waste, and the like. “The Dream-Quest of the Unknown Kadath” will put you under the table easily.)
    …refers to an other-worldy entity by proper name. (Remember, Cthulhu and Nyarlathotep are proper names of single entities, but Mi-Go and shoggoth are not; they are types of entities.)
    …states anything racist, sexist, fascist, or generally non-PC. This rule makes “The Horror at Red Hook” particularly nasty to get through. Don’t debate too much about what is racist or sexist, though
    … When in doubt, drink.
    …uses the “British” spelling of any word, such as “colour” or “favour”.…any time a character winds up at a temple or church.…any time a “forbidden” book is mentioned in the story. This includes De Vermis Mysteris, Unaussprechlichen Kulten, and, of course, The Necronomicon, among others.…to this we would add:any time a protagonist is shunned in townany time the following names pop up: Whateley, Marsh, Dunwich, Arkham, Miskatonic, Innsmouth, Kingsport (Kingsburyport).
Words Down your drink whenever the following words appear:

    Edrich
    Cyclopean
    Gibbering
    Squamous
    to this we would add: Rugose, Armigerous, Congeries.
Story Specific Finish your drink whenever the any of these situations occur:

    Six-foot-tall albino subterranean penguins waddle into the storyline. (“At the Mountains of Madness”)
    The protagonist discovers that he can’t blink. (“Shadow Over Innsmouth”)
    Cannibalism. (“Rats in the Walls” and “Picture in the House”)
    The storyline is repeated in brief. (“Herbert West — Re-animator”, which was released as a serial and thus had to remind readers of what happened in the previous issue.)
    Fat felines lounge about after some mean humans disappear. (“The Cats of Ulthar”)
Bonus After finishing a story, check to see if anyone in the room can still quote the opening lines to “The Call of Cthulhu” without peeking at the book. Everyone else must finish one drink for every sentence that the quoter can correctly quote.This is a good way to get your friends really, really pickled, so start memorizing… Though ideally, everyone should already be blotto enough by the end of a story to be unable to recite anything from memory.For reference, here is the opening paragraph:“The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a dark new age.”If no one can quote any part of this, then check to see if anyone can quote the famous Necronomicon rhyme. Everyone else must finish one drink if somebody correctly murmurs from memory, “That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may die.”

 

 
Cthulhu party on, dudes!

 

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pic o’ the day: Flying Spaghetti Monster holiday tree

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Part whatever in a multicultural holiday series. From the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which has issued a call for more photos of such shockingly idolatrous and high-GI seasonal decorations. Click to enlarge; you know you want a heapin’ helpin’ of this!

FSM tree

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