Notes from Buenos Aires from our old blog buddy John Cusack
John Cusack, you’re a nut. I love you. Never change. But in future, could you provide Cusack to English translations of your notes? Thanks, signed, a grateful planet.
Besides. everyone knows pigs can fly, but they need to be in a proper kennel and stored under the seat in front of you. Duh.
Now that we’ve got that cleared up, here are the celebrity gossip links for today.
From nearby in the blogosphere comes news that the stars are nigh unto aligned and the glorious new era is upon the threshold. From news sources and historians comes evidence that the allies are preparing, making smooth the way for the return of the Great Old Ones.
From Olde Strasbourg:
This was during the Krakatoa eruption, when Rlyeh briefly surfaced
Yes, the allies from the kings of the jungle even unto the smallest vermin that crawls, unseen yet lathesomely felt, through the teeming maze of our urban decayscapes, have begun to unite in expectation of The Great Rising!
Why is it always Germany? Are their rats particularly activist?
Science shows that, in at lesat some cases, rat kings/crowns have been formed while the attached rats were still alive and growing, indicating strongly that these rats were holy, set apart, and that servant rat classes brought them food and attended to their every sordid bodily need while they awaited the glorious Return of the Great Old Ones.
Evidence (you KNOW we’re all about the evidence around these parts):
rat crown xray is all sciency and irrefutable, so there!
As well-documented in the manuscript known as The Call of Cthulhu, such a pivotal time affects not only the lower orders, but also the sensitives among us, from the most Strindbergian slam poet to the dandies of the Royal Portrait Gallery.
Rat King, the watercolour. Somewhat Twomblyesque, non?
Even innocent embroiderers have had hideous glimpses of the godless Gordian knot:
And in another age, these would have been daisies!
Truly a motif for our time. We can only shudder and whisper horror-struck guesses at the unspeakable, Transformer-like superpowers to be unlocked by a successful unification!
Rat King sculpture, RATTENKONIG! COWER, MORTALS!
Rat King Perfection ACHIEVED unlocking superpowers now
Soon, very soon, Cthulhu will rise again.
Okay, whose job was it to bring the vaseline?
Just as soon as we get this situation straightened out.
I know, I know, English profs are always whining that HP Lovecraft‘s use of “the Unspeakable” and “the Unnameable” is a literary cop-out, but that, my friends, is because they are English profs, with circumscribed, English prof-y lives and limited, English prof-y experiences. If they’d venture off-campus once in awhile (let alone down eldritch and unsuspected catacombs beneath the decayed megalopolis in which they scratch and scrape an oblivious, complascent living, never venturing to the secret, subterranean city) they might have their eyes uncomfortably opened; indeed, peeled, if not actually sucked out of their sockets by …
the Unspeakable.
We have, in deference to our readers of more delicate sensibilities, hidden this abomination over the jump. Before you click on, please stow all baggage in the overhead bins or underneath the seat in front of you, ensure that your seatbelt is securely fastened, and return all trays, maiden aunts, and reanimated corpses to the upright position.
Yes, it’s still Wednesday, at least in my world (isn’t it ALL my world?) even though it’s 2:25am “on Thursday,” because I woke up on Wednesday and haven’t gone to bed yet, so there. See? Perfectly logical.
And if it’s Wednesday, what does that mean, boys and girls? That’s right, it’s Hump Day Unicorn Chaser Time! So today we present your delightful visual, auditory, and mental refreshment as a lovely picture:
coffee with the unicorn unicorn chaser
There, doesn’t that feel better? Now your eyeballs and mind are all refreshed and ready to tackle the rest of the week. Remember, today is the first blog entry of the rest of your digital footprint, or something like that.
[ Yeah, this “raincoaster blogging sober” thing sucks. Don’t think you’re the only one who noticed it. ]
As if that weren’t enough, here is the cutest little tilt-shift video you’ve ever seen. Whistler, BC, normally looks something like Toy Town, although not as much as Silver Star does. This is what Silver Star looks like:
Silver Star is not exactly "Badass"
Seriously, it looks Just Like That. This is what Whistler looks like:
And yes, Whistler looks just like this. Also, I hear there are ski runs somewhere around.
So, really, you paid for ONE Unicorn Chaser and if you’re a unicorn, architecture, or ski buff, you’re getting like four of them in this post, so don’t forget to hit the tip jar on your way out.
If your sphincters are still in a knot from the Monday-Humpday grind, we have that video I was talking about earlier. Now, have you seen a lot of skiing/snowboarding/surfing videos? Sure, it’s technically an “extreme” sport, but it’s a sport. Taking place in nature. Without mechanical engines. And sounding nothing at all like the Cobalt at 3 in the morning.
Skiing/snowboarding/surfing videos do not recognize this fact. They endeavour, in fact, to cover it up by every means known to cheap-ass extreme sport video producers, which is a bag of tricks that comes down to, essentially, picking the least-untalented person featured in the video and letting his neo-post-apocalyptic-metal-country-punk band do the soundtrack. For free.
And overpriced at twice that.
You doubt me? Watch one of these puppies. And then watch it again, with the sound turned off. Better my way, eh? Everything is.
Never. Forget. That.
So where was I? Oh yes, about to show you the video. This is the antidote to all those snow videos that sound as if they were scored by just laying electric guitars end to end across the floor of a mosh pit and recording the noise hobnailed boots make when they do the pogo on them. It’s that gimmicky tilt-shift photography that people who don’t know how to make street scenes interesting always use instead of learning how to take inherently interesting shots, but in this case it IS interesting, well-done, and entirely, 1000% awesome.
Viewing full-screen would be kind of ironic, but then if you were a hipster, wouldn’t you be Googling for “instagram” and not “Tilt shift?”
And now, in case you STILL can’t face Thursday, here are your gossip links:
Anger Management, with Kirk and Spock (raincoaster)
Why Gnott? Because it’s a CRAZY IDEA, DUDE! (ManoloFood)
Makeover vs Makeover (Ayyyy)
The literary world got Snooki’d (AgentBedhead)
Happy Feet, live (BusyBeeBlogger)
Messing with The Great American Novel is F—– up! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
JayLor broke up (CelebritySmack)
Cheeto-Rama! (CityRag)
Video proof Goopy CAN TOO sing (DListed)
Vanity Fair ran out of dead women to cover (GossipTeen)
Josh Groban’s new single is amazing (HaveUHeard)
Britney wants butt hair? (INeedMyFix)
Britney rocks the “chemo headband” look (PoorBritney)
She’s in, she’s out, she’s in, she’s out, she’s a Lohan (PopBytes)
Selah.
Old McDonald had a psychotic break, that's what he had
Shit, man, I dunno what he’s putting in the water over there, but I am staying the HELL away until he runs out of it. Between this and yesterday’s apparition, I’m rather glad these are in black and white instead of Colour.
Speaking of Psycho, here’s your gossip for Wednesday:
Old McDonald had a problem… (raincoaster)
Draco Malfoy cleans up good (Ayyyy)
The Andy Warhol New York City Diet (ManoloFood)
Joan Crawford’s dating tips (Lolebrity)
Il fait suffrir pour etre belle (ManoloBeauty)
Spoons are a girl’s best friend? (CraftyManolo)
A clever bale-out for the recession (GreenManolo)
When Dina Lohan has to tell you how to behave, you KNOW you’re in trouble (AgentBedhead)
Kellan Lutz has Madonna arms! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Even St. Angelina can’t save Bosnia (CeleBitchy)
Tony Danza heckles a priest at a funeral (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Canuckistan corners teh sex-ay (DailyStab)
Chupa schtupped (DListed)
Beyonce is bad! (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Eva Longoria Foursome (HaveUHeard)
You don’t have to be crazy to hate Bristol Palin (INeedMyFix)
Harry Potter finds his dead parents alive! (SeriouslyOMG)
Oh, and…
raincoaster 