Well, the vacation is officially over. My main accomplishments are: a truly epic sunburn, regaining five of the pounds I’d lost, and learning how to use the Flickr app on my phone. That’s extraordinarily productive for a vacation. Heck, I even wrote two dozen blog posts! Now for my next dazzling accomplishment, I shall try to get paid for same. Stay tuned for breaking updates from my bank account!
Yes, it’s still Wednesday, at least in my world (isn’t it ALL my world?) even though it’s 2:25am “on Thursday,” because I woke up on Wednesday and haven’t gone to bed yet, so there. See? Perfectly logical.
And if it’s Wednesday, what does that mean, boys and girls? That’s right, it’s Hump DayUnicorn Chaser Time! So today we present your delightful visual, auditory, and mental refreshment as a lovely picture:
coffee with the unicorn unicorn chaser
There, doesn’t that feel better? Now your eyeballs and mind are all refreshed and ready to tackle the rest of the week. Remember, today is the first blog entry of the rest of your digital footprint, or something like that.
[ Yeah, this “raincoaster blogging sober” thing sucks. Don’t think you’re the only one who noticed it. ]
As if that weren’t enough, here is the cutest little tilt-shift video you’ve ever seen. Whistler, BC, normally looks something like Toy Town, although not as much as Silver Star does. This is what Silver Star looks like:
Silver Star is not exactly "Badass"
Seriously, it looks Just Like That. This is what Whistler looks like:
And yes, Whistler looks just like this. Also, I hear there are ski runs somewhere around.
So, really, you paid for ONE Unicorn Chaser and if you’re a unicorn, architecture, or ski buff, you’re getting like four of them in this post, so don’t forget to hit the tip jar on your way out.
If your sphincters are still in a knot from the Monday-Humpday grind, we have that video I was talking about earlier. Now, have you seen a lot of skiing/snowboarding/surfing videos? Sure, it’s technically an “extreme” sport, but it’s a sport. Taking place in nature. Without mechanical engines. And sounding nothing at all like the Cobalt at 3 in the morning.
Skiing/snowboarding/surfing videos do not recognize this fact. They endeavour, in fact, to cover it up by every means known to cheap-ass extreme sport video producers, which is a bag of tricks that comes down to, essentially, picking the least-untalented person featured in the video and letting his neo-post-apocalyptic-metal-country-punk band do the soundtrack. For free.
And overpriced at twice that.
You doubt me? Watch one of these puppies. And then watch it again, with the sound turned off. Better my way, eh? Everything is.
Never. Forget. That.
So where was I? Oh yes, about to show you the video. This is the antidote to all those snow videos that sound as if they were scored by just laying electric guitars end to end across the floor of a mosh pit and recording the noise hobnailed boots make when they do the pogo on them. It’s that gimmicky tilt-shift photography that people who don’t know how to make street scenes interesting always use instead of learning how to take inherently interesting shots, but in this case it IS interesting, well-done, and entirely, 1000% awesome.
We had some complaints about the visuals in the last post (what, not everybody is fat-carb-chocolate-and-booze-deprived?) so for that reason and also to celebrate the new look around these parts, here is a little something to clear your palate: a Bubble Sunset unicorn chaser.
Bubble Sunset by Khosey1 on Flickr; each bubble carries one of your troubles away! Awww.
Does your town have these? Ranks of failed artists lining the sidewalks of tourist strolls, charcoal at the ready and surrounded by slightly-off portraits of Tupac Shakur, Marilyn Monroe, Al Pacino in Scarface (why? whyyyyy???) and various other celebrities who are either dead or career dead and thus unlikely to sue.
We certainly do. At least the guys who line the sidewalks on the DTES are offering practical things like old DVDs, sweaters, candle holders, shoes, and psychoactive substances. The guys on Robson Street can’t say that!
What possesses the hapless (at least, they look hapless; I’ve rarely seen any hap at all evident anywhere on their persons) tourist to pick up one of these carbon-based travesties? The thought that surely there can be no more personal souvenir of Vancouver than a hand-drawn caricature of Roseanne Barr? Maybe they take one look at Tony Soprano there and say “if this guy can do that, I know he’ll do justice to THIS face?” And it’s not as if Tupac ever really broke into the Vancouver market in the first place.