The Vice Regal Covid Briefing Bingo

Here we go. No fancy framing theme today, because I used all my mojo up yesterday creating a platform for my run to be elected Governor-General. I had no idea standards were so low: I may actually have a real shot at this. Haven’t killed anyone with a car yet, nor beaten a spouse, but hey, day’s not over, amirite?

One notes with interest that they’ve already killed her GGJPayette Twitter account, and now it’s just Canadian_GG. Oh, snap!

I need to go back and amend that post about becoming Governor-General, to put Mike Holmes in charge of all the permaculture-related renovations at Rideau Hall, and give Scott McGillivray some sort of “facilities manager” title just to keep him around so I can look at him. God knows, I’m a sucker for a good head of hair.

Oh yes, and we will write it into the rules that in order to graduate from a Canadian university, you must spend at least six months working in either retail or food and beverage service, ie waiting tables, cashier, sales floor, or cooking and/or serving fast food. No exceptions, no fancy bougie compound sinecure your connected uncle gets for you (“Second Under Barback at Bohemian Grove” spare me; if your shoes don’t smell like beer at the end of a shift, you ain’t a barback), no management jobs. Yes, welcome to the life of a front line worker. Your proletarian brothers and sisters embrace you! Enjoy your Teachable Moment.

Quit Stalin!

Meanwhile, you can’t tell me Twitter isn’t comedy gold.

But where was I? Oh yes, explaining that there would be absolutely no elaborate introduction, nor framing device for today’s Covid Briefing Bingo. None. Zip. Because it’s 2021 and we’re over it, really, aren’t we?

Very well, here we go. Our video is here:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. In his remarks, the prime minister also comments on the resignation of Julie Payette as governor general and on his upcoming telephone call with U.S. President Joe Biden, during which he is expected to discuss the president’s decision to cancel the permit for the construction of the Keystone XL pipeline.
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Susan Sontag and Linus hang out a lot

To Forget or to Play Covid Briefing Bingo?

Well, kittens, we’re going to have to come up with something else to call you, as it appears that skeevy Armie Hammer uses the term to describe the women in his bizarre sexual fantasies. Not that we’re against bizarre sexual fantasies. No, perish the thought! But his involve cannibalism. And, after having met Willy Pickton, there just isn’t enough brain bleach on the planet to scrub that image out of my head. We don’t want you messed up in that!

Susan Sontag and Linus hang out a lot
Susan Sontag and Linus hang out a lot

I got into an argument recently on the internet (imagine that! Me!) about whether or not Pickton’s pork ended up in grocery stores, and in doing the research I discovered…well, long story short: it’s worse. It is, in fact, very possible and even very likely that human remains ended up in a wide variety of consumer products, because he apparently took his victims’ bodies to the same rendering plant that he took his pork, and the uh, “outcome” of that plant ended up in mass-market products from lipstick to …. well, who cares what else, really? I’ll never look at my $35 Nars the same way again.

A friend of mine was paid a great deal of money back in the day by the pork marketing board, because after the details of the Pickton case came out the price of pork fell through the floor, for obvious reasons, and he managed to get it up again. No such issue at the Lipstick Marketing Board. But, ew. Let us bond with the concept of motivated forgetting, and put it behind us.

Indeed, let us forget that with extreme prejudice. We interrupt this dark interlude to remind you that, thanks to TikTok, sea shanties are trending on all platforms.

So, readers, let us try to put that behind us and move forward in the very Canadian spirit of “we shall never speak of this again.” Which brings us to the Philosophy of Forgetting, which I didn’t even know was A Thing, or if I did, I forgot it after my TBI.

Related: the very internet-native concept of the Eternal September, which is the state of always having so many new users unfamiliar with the basics and protocols that it always feels like the first day of school. Right now, we have an Eternal September for democracy itself, hell, for critical thinking in the first place.

Here’s how my yesterday went. My today is going so well I forgot I ran this Twitter poll.

But you’re no doubt going:

Well, the Covid Briefing Bingo, also, is going well. Trudeau hasn’t shown up yet even though it’s at his own house, and my blog’s inexplicably adding page breaks to the post in between every paragraph. So, mark your “Technical difficulties” square.

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KonMari Covid Briefing Bingo

Starting late, kittens, rushing to get this posted. Consequently, today is all about minimalism. Which is, of course, a bougie affectation, but we can argue about that later.

Here goes:

Video, with 741 people staring at the de-porchscaped front steps of Rideau Cottage:

Speaking from outside his home in Ottawa, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic.

And, wow, CPAC Captioneer is well and truly Over It. Those captions used to run to 300 words!

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Seneca says get off your ass

Letters from a Covid Briefing Bingo

We’re back, kittens! Second day in a row with a brand new Covid Briefing Bingo, this time based on the year-end interview with CTV’s Evan Solomon. One more to go and then we’ll be all caught up (ignoring the actual federal panel covid briefings, which, as you can see, I am currently doing).

Today’s Briefing Bingo is named after Lucius Annaeus Seneca‘s famous work of stoicism, Letters from a Stoic. And let’s face it, kittens, if there’s ever a time for stoicism, it’s during a pandemic and in particular during a lockdown. I’m an Absurdist Anarchist of the old skool, but if it weren’t for dipping into stoic practices and mindsets from time to time I would long ago have ground The Roommate up and sold him as raw dog food. The skeleton? Well, bone broth for dogs is A Thing, kittens, A Thing which sells for $4 a litre! Thinking of calling it Sweeney Dogg Gourmet Pet Treats.

With my education it’s about the only career path open to me.

Same, Chrysippus, same. But we’d both have made a lot more money.

Anyhoodle, I was talking about stoicism and here we are with Justin Trudeau’s year end Stoicism and Liberalism Half Hour with Evan Solomon of CTV, who is genial enough, but also has quite a nice line in “But where did you really shit the bed this year?” questions.

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Bleach, Rubbing Alcohol, Garlic, Ginger, Liquor, Essential Oils, Cocaine, Vitamin C, and other things that don’t cure Covid-19: Video

A great video about a not-very-bright fellow who thought drinking toxic chemicals would kill Covid-19 before it would kill him. Guess how it ends?

#OpCovid19

It may upset your aunt, the one who is the local superstar of her essential oil MLM, but there are a large number of things currently rumoured to be effective countermeasures to Covid-19 which just. don’t. work.

Here’s Chubbyemu, civilian name Dr. Bernard Hsu, Associate Director at Novartis Oncology, to break it down for you.

The science, not the virus. Even really good YouTubes can’t break down a sturdy virus on their own; only knowledge paired with right actions (like washing your hands for at least 20 seconds with soap and water) can do that.

Yeah, don’t do that. ANY of that.

As one of the commenters on YouTube remarked,

“CB felt confident, he was not going to be infected”
He’s smarter than all of us really. Can’t get infected if he’s dead.

In related news, here’s Chubbyemu’s link to a good scientific Covid-19 video playlist, updated daily.

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